Fear of Success vs Fear of Failure

Today, I am writing about the fear of success vs the fear of failure.

What is the definition of fear? A fear is an?unpleasant?emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm; be afraid of (someone or something) as likely to be dangerous, painful, or harmful.

In other words, the anticipation of someting bad. This is part of self-sabotaging success. What lies truly behind the fear of success? The fear of change.

Humans do not like change. We like being in our comfort zone because it feels comfortable. Fear is a common but counterproductive response to uncertainty. When fear dominates, the creative brain shuts down.

What is the opposite of fear? Curiousity, trust, courage, calmness.

Overall, fear is a natural response to danger and it is a survival instinct designed to help us avoid and escape threatening situations. Stress behind fear is a negative consequence leading to low self-esteem and this includes avoiding challenging tasks or even cheating. Fear is a strong force and can cripple your life.

When we understand the emotion of fear, we can do something about it and we all run an unconscious programming of fear. The fear centre in the brain is called the amygdala. This is where our fears get stored. The emotional memory and emotions override logic. Hence, many arguments and conflicts in relationships.

And I am not talking about fears to keep us safe such as looking before you cross the road. I am talking about those hidden fears, people do not know they have and this is why they always fall back or stay stuck. Whether in your professional life or private life. What if? What if it goes wrong? Better the devil you know... etc. And so on...

What if it goes right? We look for evidence why we cannot do something new rather than why we can do something new. Change means new opportunities and one needs to embrace new opportunities.

One needs to look at the secondary gain of why you feel stuck. What is the positive in you staying stuck and the positive is that you want to be right because the mind always wants to be right, right? By reaffirming to yourself why you shouldn't do this or that, you are reaffirming to yourself that you are right. Oftentimes, the unconscious programming has a good intention and that was so when you were younger. You invented this part within you. Indeed, you had no other way. Now, you do have other ways and many charge forward to find that they feel a fraud or show a management or leader style where DO AS I SAY is the vision. This is simply dictatorship. A dictator doesn't fail, right?

Fear of Failure - this is often in men. Men fear failures. It is experiencing shame and embarrassement. Some might lose interest in you, fear of an uncertain future, upsetting important others and simply, readjust yourself how you see yourself - low self-esteem. We can all put a brave face on but the inside looks different and men are no different.

How can you reduce the fear of failure?

1. Don't bottle it up. Talk to someone you trust but it must be someone who does not judge you or tries to give you advice based on their world of reality. They look through a different lense. Find someone who is willing to look through your lense with you, not for you.

2. No shame policy.

3. Address the problem. Be honest with yourself.

4. Learn from your mistakes. And the very first step is to admit that you made a mistake. It is not the end of the world.

5. Focus on what you can control. You cannot control others and this is what we mainly focus on. What can I do to make him change to fit my world? Who says that someone wants to get changed to your world?

Address the problem - here we have three ways.

A) Avoid and never try again.

B) Emotional - it is not that bad and the person convinces himself that it wasn't that bad to avoid negative feelings and yet, cause and effect needs to be looked at.

C) problem focused - get rif of the problem.

The way we deal with problems is linked to our attachement style we developed as children. This is a topic for another day and this will show why we are often not able to solve conflict based on our different attachement styles. Ego plays a huge part in it.

Fear of Success - what is so dreadful about that?

Nothing really. The fear of success is linked to the fear of change. Change is uncertainty but one needs to be brave and courageous to face uncertainty. It becomes a skill over time that you can manoevure through life with certainty and this gives you resilience that comes from the heart.

Many feel an imposter when they have success because the unconscious programming is different and yet, the successes are real. These people look for reasons why they cannot be successful or why those successes might not have been real. This is what an imposter does - unconsciously of course. They look very confident like a swan. Very elegant and very graceful but the little feet go 100mph under the water. It is always what lies beneath.

I help people to feel their successes from their heart. Nothing put on and pretended. I deliver fast results, too because this is me. I do not want to see people struggle to embrace success when their default programming says Failure. I help people to develop healthy self -esteem meaning being honest with yourself and see your true success and to feel proud of them from the inside.

We are so conditioned to chase success on the outside world and many successful people will have worked hard for their successes but if they have an unconscious programming of Do I really deserve this all? Am I worthy of the successes?, eventually the house of cards will collapse.

I have learend to build firm foundations for myself and not to go by chasing success outside of me. It never made me truly happy and yet, when I look back, I didn't feel happy because I didnt believe that I deserved those successes.

I will never ever doubt myself when it comes to my successes. Whether I will be successful again is a completely different matter or story but one of my greatest successes were that I looked at myself and discovered so many fears and I eliminated those. How did you do this? Simply put? By being absolutely honest with myself. Brutally honest. This is not for the faint-hearted ones.

I develop and I teach healthy self-esteem and I do combine it with spirituality. Low self-esteem crushes the soul and weakens spirit and it can go as far as being close to spirit's death. This is truth in the matter.

I do not rate artificial self-esteem where you have to reaffirm yourself daily that you are worthy or through ego. I integrate the ego parts as part of the inner conflict resolution. Do I have great results? Yes. Why? It is speedy, it is fast.

We can all pretend but one day the truth will catch up with us. Obesity is one of the signs. Mental health issues is another sign. It is an astonishing figure to see how many people are on antidepressants. And do those help? No. They mask the problem. That's all. If they were wonder pills, why is humanity not healed? So, the cause is elsewhere. In our unconscious and the unconscious runs the show. Your ego runs the show and nothing else. (P.S. Please do not stop taking them if you are on them. Talk to your care provider or GP first! I am not saying to dismiss them. I am questioning the healing power.)

I differentiate between the ego and superego and it is the superego I am referring to. A healty ego is needed as it provides us with our own boundaries - dignity and these are your own values.

Fears have been created by the superego. We created our superego based on our experiences and conditioning over decades if not centuries. Fears get passed on from generations.

Wouldn't you want to live life without inner conflict? Wouldn't you want to look in the mirror with a clear conscience? Nothing is more liberating than not hiding anymore.

Be good - do better - have the best. Be-Do-Have. (My gratitude to my mentor Alex Mandossian at https://www.marketingonline.com/ who taught me Be-Do-Have.)