Fear Of Success? It's A Myth! What's Really Going On....

By Jim Rohrbach

 "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." Thomas Edison

I've heard some people claim they have a fear of success. When I ask what they mean, they often reply that they never follow through on their goals because they're afraid of what might happen if they were to actually achieve them. My sense is they've made faulty assumptions about successful people and the process of succeeding. Let's look at some of these assumptions that lead them to believe they have a fear of success, along with some questions to ponder:

  "Successful people just got lucky." Was it luck, or hard work? The Edison quote above seems to apply. Most unsuccessful people want to blame the "luck factor" as the reason others make it and they don't. Question: Are you unlucky, or have you just not done what it takes to succeed?

 "I'd lose all of my friends if I made it big." Ah -- that's an interesting thought: "It's lonely at the top." Question: If none of your friends are successful, and you want to be, why would you want to hang out with them anyhow? (And don't you think you'd make new friends along the way who would support you in stepping up to a higher level?)

  "To get a lot of money you have to become stingy like Scrooge." Sure, there are tightwads among the rich. But most are supporting our economy by spending the most in our society, which helps other people become successful as well. Question: Are you stingy because you feel you don't have anything to give?

  "If I had a lot of money, people wouldn't love me for who I really am." A few of the tragic stories of lonely rich people are true -- the media wants to sell more advertising by promoting the notion that this is common. Question: Do people love you now because you're poor, unsuccessful, underachieving? (How would you know the difference unless you got a lot of money? And, wouldn't you like to find out?) 

 "Big shots are jerks, arrogant, snobby, aloof." While the media may portray someone like Donald Trump in this way, Trump has had highly talented people loyal to him for up to 30 years in his business. No one would stay with him that long if he was really a jerk. Question: Do you believe you'll become a jerk if you make it big?

  "To become successful I'd have to lie, cheat, steal." While a very few people make it by cheating, the vast majority of success stories are about people who played by the rules. Question: Do you know anyone who has done very well without cheating?

 "Wealthy people are heartless." Au contraire, these are the exact people who give the most to charities, causes and foundations. Question: When do you think you should start the habit of being generous?

  "Successful people step on other people on their way to the top." A lot of movies portray people who ruthlessly climb over others, but successful people usually cultivate a vast network of contacts who they get help from and who they help in kind. Question: How much effort do you put into helping others become successful?

If you think about what I'm asking in my questions you'll get what I think is really going on -- a lot of rationalization. These thoughts are perfect excuses for what amounts to a "sour grapes rap," although many (most?) may be unconscious. With this kind of underlying pattern it would be hard for anyone thinking this way to become successful, let alone take the responsibility to make the effort. Only when people begin to examine their underlying motivation can they overcome their mythical fear of success.

8/09-– 1/15

Success Skills Coach Jim Rohrbach, "The Personal Fitness Trainer for Your Business," coaches Financial Advisors around the US by phone to help them grow their clientele. To set up a Free Consultation with Jim, go to www.SuccessSkills.com. 

This alarming statistic was reported in a 2013 study by Fidelity Investments. Why would so many women dismiss the advisor who worked so diligently with them and their spouses for so many years? Why wouldn’t they be loyal to their advisors? Knowing the psychological reason behind it and how to prevent it will certainly help you to maintain those valued female clients.

Many wives believe their input and insight is undervalued by advisors, who focus most of their attention (and even their eye contact) on their husbands. You can prevent this perception by doing the following: 1. Have separate meetings with each spouse, allowing each to feel safe expressing their financial needs and goals to you; 2. In joint meetings, make sure to share your eye contact and learn “active listening” techniques, along with providing the wives with opportunities to express themselves without critical judgment. You’ll be amazed how these two techniques will rivet your clients, both male and female.

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