Fear shuts it down…

Fear is a powerful, efficient emotional tool that has been used effectively to influence a range of decisions, from customer purchase decisions, to how we vote and how we live our lives, down to when and how to speak up, if at all.

The irony is that we talk to our children about not giving in to bullies, how to stand up to bullies and never truly deal with why there are still bullies, in spite of all the anti- bullying campaigns prevalent across schools in our societies, after all no one sets out to raise a bully.

The audacity of fear is why we still have bullies, at school, at work, in our social spaces. Fear!

What bullies have honed in, on, is our fear.

In the workplace, fear of being dismissed and being without a job, to provide for our families and all those reliant on us. Fear of being undermined and having one’s reputation tainted as anything other than what we uphold.

Fear of stagnation, being looked over for promotion, increases, recognition and validation. Fear.

In most organisations the culture enables an aggressive masculine display of power and aggression, which ironically some women managers seem to be the fiercest ambassadors of – surpassing male counterparts. Motivated by a desire to assert their own power or authority, they themselves are acting out of fear.

Fear of not being in control, fear of imposter syndrome, fear of belonging of being qualified. Modelling the brand of power and authority that they themselves survived.

Fear is audacious, it takes over our ability to reason, to think, to function, it triggers adrenaline and cortisol, carried to all parts of our bodies through our blood stream, touching every part of us, and convincing us that we have two options – fight or flight.

Where those two options are not viable, then cower, lose ourselves and feed the fear, become part of the fear, subscribe to it - to keep safe…

If you can relate and are working, studying, living in an environment where you are fearful, you are not alone, you need not deal with it alone. More importantly you have within you all you need, to get through the fear.

Intentionality triggers the energy that will conspire with you, to get through the fear, be intentional about what you want and what your boundaries are. No job should require of you to lose your dignity, be reduced or diminished.

Get real – yes there are responsibilities and bills to be paid, but set that aside and look at the situation, evaluate truthfully what options you have. Can you work for yourself? Can you go back to school and study further? If not, start polishing your cv, start looking for another job, start connecting and checking in on your network. Seek out future employers you’d want to work with, enrol in a short course to improve your profile and to take your mind out of fear into expansion, broadening your options and opportunities allowing you to think with faith and not fear.

Lean into courage, you are going to need to speak up for yourself, for your safety and sanity. Preferably in person and followed by a written summary of what was discussed and agreed, I’d suggest you send a copy of this to your private email address and start keeping a folder with evidence of what the issue is, what you’ve tried in order to resolve it, what support you were promised and what you actually received, and the impact it has had on you.

Get help and support - check your organization for guidance on what steps to follow if you are being intimidated or bullied, in some cases your line manager would be the first line of support, however if your line manager is the perpetrator, then you may need to approach human resources or escalate to their reporting manager. Reach out to more than one person. Use all the channels they provide. Have facts, dates, times, keep all records – secure the receipts!?

Beyond the workplace, get help from those who can hold space for you safely family, therapists, support groups.

You are going to need a repository of light, support, positive energy that you can tap into to keep your courage levels high.

This journey, like any marathon is taken alone, you can get support from the side-lines, but you need to walk, run, crawl over that finish line yourself.

Focus on you, what you can control, what you can change, do no put your energy into the fear, or the perpetrator, invest it in yourself.

In every single thing, there is a lesson, find what it is for you…. standing up for yourself, speaking truth to power, faith over fear, doing it scared…. whatever it is, find it and learn it so that you can be released from it.

If you take nothing else from the experience – be the change you want to see, don’t allow yourself to put anyone else through what you experienced, instead be part of the repository of light for someone else.

My work environment turned toxic six months into the job. I lasted just short of 5years. I walked away very clear I’d chosen faith over fear.