Fear of rejection in the shadows

My old but young friend Josh and I finally had a much-overdue catch up. Josh is 27, we used to work together (he was my intern), but have since branched out in different directions.

"You'd be proud of me", he said with a grin. "I have been networking like mad."

"Have you?", I couldn't hide my surprise. Josh was notoriously not enamoured with the idea of "conducting small talk with complete strangers in a vague hope that one of them might be useful to my career" (his words, not mine. Of course)

"Well, I read your book* and I've figured that networking doesn't have to be completely cringe.", explained Josh. "To be fair, I need to keep socialising as my permanent WFO arrangement is driving me crazy. Plus it can't do any harm to connect with the movers and shakers in the industry, right?"

"Right. And? How was it? Made any interesting connections? Enjoyed yourself?"

"Definitely interesting connections. Not sure I enjoyed myself as much as I could've. I was held back by the overpowering fear that no-one was interested in talking to me... You know, I was a junior, nothing to offer. Anyway, the fear of rejection is what held me back." he paused, and then, "But I guess you won't understand that. You're way too senior to be fearing rejection!"

I swallowed uncomfortably. "Actually, I do understand."

That forced a moment of self-reflection as I cast my thoughts back over the last year and a half.

"If you'd asked me this time last year", I continued, "I would have rambled on about seeing beyond rejection because it can't hurt if you don't let it get to you blahdy blah. But in the last year I've experienced it all anew - and it bloody hurts! You know, I'd been a partner for over a decade and achieving this career high gives you certain armour. You kinda stop caring if someone doesn't like you or approves of you because you have enough people looking up to you in the industry already. I'd lived with that mindset for over 10 years - long enough to lose touch with the sense of humility, between you and me. But in the last 18 months I have set up two businesses - a legal one working as a notary public with the benefit of my 20 years in the industry, plus the social enterprise called Great Networking, specialising in networking and connections-making skills for Gen Z. I became a founder. A mere founder with two nascent businesses means that you get a lot of rejections. Sometimes, it's a "no thank you", sometimes it's a "maybe later", sometimes it's just silence, no acknowledgment, nothing. Not having a title such as a partner of such-and-such to prop my expertise made it easy for people to reject. Initially every rejection was like a papercut - it stung, it was unexpected and it felt annoying. There were tears, there were sobs even. There were depressive days and the constant questioning of my raison d'etre. But slowly things got easier. The experience of rejection, as I understand it now, is a part of life. It is normal, and it is necessary. In fact, I sincerely recommend it to all of those people whose opinions of themselves far exceed what they actually are!"

"Ah yeah, I can immediately think of a number of our former colleagues!", exclaims Josh in recognition of my sentiment. "I think I see what you mean. Take every rejection, or the fear of it, with a pinch of salt. And just move on to bigger and better things".

"Exactly! Bigger and better things, Josh. Don't hold yourself back from discovering all the magic that lies ahead. Persevere with connecting with good people, and let everyone just wash over you."

Connect me here for more networking wisdoms:

www.AlisaGrafton.com

*I hope my esteemed reader forgives me this minutes of self-promotion but he really did say that!