Fear of Rejection and the Job Search

I wrote a blog about?Rejection?in June of this year, but that blog focused on coping with actual rejection rather than the fear of rejection. Throughout every job search, there are lots of psychological dynamics at play. The decision to make a change, and the process of going through that change, are fraught with powerful emotions and fears. One fear looms large at every job search stage: fear of rejection. Let’s look at how it surfaces at each stage and how to minimize its effects on your search … and your career.

Competing for the job – Fear of Rejection

This is the obvious one, so let’s start here. When you think about applying for a job, it’s common for imposter syndrome to kick in, telling you that you’re not as qualified as others. When you apply, it’s normal to wonder whether your resume is good enough to be screened in. And finally, when you’re interviewing, you’re on center stage. Anxious to make a good impression, to give good answers, and to be one of the people shortlisted.

At the heart of all of that is one thing: fear of rejection. We want to be liked; we want to be accepted. And if we compete for a job unsuccessfully, it feels like a personal?and?professional rejection – both of us and of the validity of our experience.

How to deal with it

Keep a running diary of your professional accomplishments and achievements. Review them whenever you need to boost your?confidence. Practice your interview skills* to feel more comfortable in that environment. And remind yourself that you’re not alone;?everyone?feels imposter syndrome from time to time.

This isn’t the only time during the job search process when it’s common to feel the fear of rejection. It can also play a powerful role at both the beginning and the end of your search.

Fear of rejection before the search begins

Humans are wired to connect, and the social connections we form through our work are powerful bonds. We form a community with these people. One that we hope is based on mutual respect and acknowledgment of each other’s skills and abilities and on true friendship.

The prospect of leaving that job also means the prospect of leaving that community. If you leave, will you also lose those friends? Will they reject you and cut off contact when you no longer work with them? That fear keeps many people in many jobs for a lot longer than they should stay.

How to deal with it

There was a time when leaving a company could be more of a clean break with the people you worked with. Not anymore. We’re connected more than ever before through social media and other instantaneous communication. The workforce is also more fluid today than it has been in the past. Colleagues sometimes follow each other from one company to another, and companies routinely hire people back after they’ve left. In short, there’s no need to lose touch with people you’ve formed relationships with, and no reason that you will.

Fear of ejection when you start a new job

When you leave one work community by changing jobs, you join another. A very powerful fear of rejection can kick in at this moment. If you ever moved to a new school when you were a kid – especially in the middle of the school year – you’ll know what it feels like. You’re an “‘outsider.” You’re looking around at new faces. They’re strangers to you, and you to them. There are already circles of friends in place, and you’re not part of any of them.

The fear of rejection in those circumstances can feel overwhelming. And it’s compounded by the fact that it’s happening at precisely the same moment you’re trying to learn the ropes of a new job. All of this can leave you feeling like you’ve made a horrible mistake in making the change. Feeling less competent and less likable than you are and wondering whether it’s too late to return to your old job.

How to deal with it

Remind yourself that everyone at your new workplace was new once and that the familiar place you’ve just left was also new to you once. If people don’t seem to be welcoming, remember that sometimes what appears to be aloofness is really shyness. Be the one to reach out; go out of your way to introduce yourself and get to know people. And most of all, cut yourself some slack. You?are?competent, you?are?likable, and it’s perfectly normal – and common – to feel doubts. Those doubts will pass with time. Don’t let the fear of rejection cause you to backtrack.

Fear is a powerful motivator, and with social connection central to the human experience, fear of rejection is among the most powerful. It can cause you to avoid making a change, even when it’s necessary. It can interfere with your ability to compete for a new job. And it can make even the best change feel like a horrible mistake. Recognize the fear of rejection for what it is, and you can rein in the effect it has on your career.

Additional Resources

JimNewcomb.com:?Confidence

JimNewcomb.com:?Getting Onboard

*JimNewcomb.com:?Fishing for Interview Questions and Answers

*JimNewcomb.com:?Googled Interview Questions

JimNewcomb.com:?Recruiting Resources

*JimNewcomb.com:?Productivity

JimNewcomb.com:?Personal Development

Last week’s blog, in case you missed it:?ATS

[Jim Newcomb has been a Senior Recruiting Partner with?Goodwin Recruiting?since 2013, 2016 Partner of the Year, 2017 Ambassador of the Year, 2018 Extensive Support Coach of the Year, 2020 created Daily Positive Thoughts, and 2021 created JimNewcomb.com website with weekly blog and Positive Thoughts posts.]