FEAR Part-3: The Difference Maker!

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those that cannot read and write. But those that cannot learn, unlearn and relearn. - Alvin Toffler

Welcome to?the final part of our three-part mini-series on overcoming the?fear?of speaking. In part-3 we are looking at the bit that works! This is where the rubber meets the road. This is the difference maker. You can collect all the information you like, but if you don’t implement it in action, nothing happens.?

In part-1, we examined the importance of understanding that?fear?is not real because it’s an illusion. Now, if that’s the first time you’ve heard that, you’re probably thinking, but doesn't?fear keep me safe?

Well, it can do, but it can hurt you at the same time.

There is no illusion greater than?fear. -?Lao Tzu

In part-2, we looked at a key problem with fear - that you believe it! And because you believe it, you trust it. So, you very naturally end up?making?it your reality without realizing what is happening.

But the?real?reality is that?fear?is an emotion. It has NOTHING to do with your potential .. unless you allow it to become that self-fulfilling prophecy.

The antidote is to see it for what it really is and understand that emotions are learned programs. You've learned to feel fear?in response to the idea of speaking in front of other people, and you can learn to feel differently .. if you want to.

But it’s a process. If you want freedom from?fear, you have to pay a price.?

The secret to happiness is freedom. And the secret to freedom is courage. -?Thucydides.

Step 3: If you really want to feel differently, you have to find the?courage?to face your?fear. Then, you need to step into it to set yourself free.

Now, you don’t need to jump right in the deep end on day one! You don’t need to take one GIANT step, but you do need to stop running. You do need to turn and face the?fear, and then you need to find a way to step into it.

The good news is, it can be baby steps! But you do have to step into the fear ?to see it for what it really is. And what is it? A very, very convincing liar.?

(See the caveat at the end.)?

You have to step into it because, the only way out is through the?fear.

Do the thing you?fear, and the death of?fear?is certain. -?Mark Twain.

Now I know you're thinking, can I really change the way I feel .. isn't that just the way I am?

You can change! What you tell yourself is ‘just the way I am’ is learned! And it can be unlearned. You can relearn to see yourself in a more helpful way. And frankly, a more realistic way.

Each moment, we have a choice to step forward into growth,?or to step back into safety. -Maslow

Think of the smallest step you can take to step forward into your?fear?of speaking. What is it? Then take that step.? It may seem small, like a drop in the ocean, but take it. And then keep taking it until it feels more comfortable. Then pick the next step. Over time, this makes a HUGE difference.

Fear?has its hold on us because we never challenge it. When we reevaluate the basis of our?fear, its position becomes more and more untenable. As soon as you insist on proof, the illusion is shattered.

I know you often feel like you have no options, but that’s because you’ve been hoodwinked by your emotions! Emotions are powerful and fast in their influence.

People buy on emotion and justify on logic. -?Zig Ziglar.

If there’s something you really want, you feel like you?need?it! Then, you justify it to yourself with your marvelous mind’s reasoning abilities. And it happens so quickly that you think you are in control. But in reality, your emotions have already decided.

Fear?works in the same way as desire. When we face something uncomfortable, we feel like we need to run for the hills! Then, we justify it to ourself as our best and only option. But it’s not, and it definitely won’t lead to what you really want.

At the end of the day, it's up to you. You can choose to follow your emotions or you can choose to follow your dreams.

I’m not saying let’s vilify?fear. It can still sit at the table, but more like a concerned villager than a country dictator! There needs to be a bigger, better, more balanced voice in charge.

And keep in mind, it’s ok to make mistakes along the way. In fact, it’s often encouraged. Speaking is safe for most of us in most of the world, so it’s ok to experiment and mess up as we learn and grow.

Feeling change last.

Remember, feelings don’t change immediately; it’s a process. But hope appears the second you see?fear?for what it is, and that may be all you need to have the courage to step forward into growth on a continual basis. That’s how you’ll reprogram, that's how you'll unlearn, and relearn.

You can do it! You really can!

PS: If you're feeling motivated, but need some help to up-level your speaking, book a discovery call and see what a difference 1-to-1 speaker training could make:?https://calendly.com/speakerpro/discovery-call

PPS. If you’re a visual learner,?watch this video in which I walk you through part 3 .

Please keep this in mind:

In this 3-part mini series on fear, we are talking about?fear?of speaking.?Fear?generally works in pretty much the same way for whatever you’re scared of, but let’s keep it simple and just apply it to the?fear?of speaking. Because speaking is not typically a life or death situation! Don’t apply this to hang-gliding and jumping self-taught off a 3,000-foot precipice -?fear?and reality are much closer aligned in that scenario! In that scenario, you’ll need expert advice from an appropriately trained and accredited professional to assist you with stepping into the?fear?in a safe way. If you really feel stuck and your?fear?is overwhelming, you might want to seek help from a professional. I would recommend starting with your GP or Doctor. If they tell you your heart is not up to speaking in front of other people, you have a bona fide excuse. And if they tell you that you are fit enough to face your?fear?of speaking, at least you’ve ruled that out, and now there’s no hiding.

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