Fear made my life worse but Ali Abdaal saved me.

Have you ever participated in a quiz, dance, or game competition in your childhood?

Did you feel nervous?

Have you ever ignored these things because of fear?

Because I ignored most of these activities throughout my childhood.

Because I had a lot of fear.

What if I fail?

What if I make any mistakes?

What if others think I am a stupid or dumb boy?

If this happens, I would feel embarrassed.

Everyone would laugh at me.

Oh, I couldn’t face that.

This is why I ignored and avoided difficult and challenging things.

Difficulties and Challenges have a higher chance of failure or making mistakes.

I kept my bar very high to keep myself safe from those embarrassing situations.

Essentially, I was chasing perfection.

Also, to hide these fears and pretend I was a smart boy.

I always tried to hide my Mistakes.

Tried to hide my deficiencies.

I used to lie a lot about my qualities and my knowledge.

I would say “I know this. I know that.”

But in reality, I knew nothing.

Because of these conditions, I never learned anything.

Nor was I able to grow in my life.

Because of these fixed mindsets and fear, I actually became a stupid boy.

Being different from my friends and the reason behind these fears or fixed mindsets is a different topic.

It is a topic of parenting and childhood conditioning.

I’ll talk about this in a different article.

For now, let’s continue the story.

When I realized all of these things, I started researching solutions to these problems.

Then I found a YouTube video on “How to Overcome the Fear of Getting Started” by Ali Abdaal .

This video changed my life.

Let’s talk about the solutions and learnings I got from this Video.

Ali says we have fear because of two things —

1. Social Anxiety

In many situations in our lives, we fear that if we make mistakes, others will think we are not smart or that we are stupid.

Here are some of the fears that come from social anxiety…

• Fear of embarrassment or being seen as stupid in front of others
• Fear of being criticized or judged by others
• Fear of being rejected
• Fear of social disapproval

These fears are somehow connected to Other People and Society.

The reason behind these Fears

These are the fears that come from our human past.

When people went on hunts for food.

When people protected each other from dangerous animals.

At that time, being rejected and outcast from a tribe was very dangerous.

They couldn’t hunt alone.

They couldn’t protect themselves alone.

Basically, they couldn’t survive alone.

So they had a lot of fear of being rejected or disapproved by the tribe.

Now the world has changed.

Society has changed, but our fear remained constant.

Now we don’t need to hunt for food.

We don’t need any protection from dangerous animals.

But we still have those fears.

That’s why you don’t want to be disapproved or rejected by society.

You want to be connected to society.

That’s why we need to fight those fears.

To fight those fears, We need some Mindset shift and awareness.

Social Anxiety is normal.

Now, you know that these fears come from our past.

Everyone has these fears.

The difference is that some people know, and some people don’t know how to combat these fears.

So let’s talk about how to combat these fears.

Spotlight Effects

When we try to do something noticeable.

We think others watch us and judge us.

But reality is…

You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.

The reality is No one cares.

No one cares mindset (NOC Mindset)

When you do something noticeable.

People watch you.

People criticize or praise you for one second.

In the next second, they forget about you.

They don’t have time to think about you.

They don’t care about you.

No one cares.

That’s why you shouldn’t care about what others say or think.

Build Growth Mindset

If we avoid doing something important just because someone will judge us for one second.

Then it’s a bad mindset for us.

We stop making progress or learning for nothing but just one-second judgment.

We have to focus on learning, growth, and getting experiences instead of thinking about what others think.

2. Self Perception

Whenever we try to do something or start something, then we have fears like…

• What if I fail?
• What if I’m not good enough?

Here are some of the fears related to our self-perception…

• Fear of Failure
• Fear of Uncertainty
• Fear of Not being good enough (Self Doubt)
• Fear of Risk

Again these Fears arise because of a wrong or fixed mindset.

When I start creating content on YouTube.

I kept my standards or expectation very high.

I tried to create content like top creators.

I expected that the quality of the content I create would be equal to the quality of content created by other top creators.

It’s impossible.

They have a good production setup.

They have learned to create quality content over the years.

But I’m here, creating my first video, and I expect that the quality of the content will be equal.

It’s unreasonable to compare.

In the beginning, my video will going to suck.

But I set a very high standard.

Because I didn’t want to be sucks.

Because I didn’t want to fail.

Because of this high standard and expectation, It became difficult for me to create content.

Now how we can combat these fears?

Lower the Bar

We should lower our expectations or standards.

Starting always sucks.

So we need to lower our bar.

And we have to start doing things.

We have to embrace imperfection and stop chasing perfection.

That’s how we can combat these self-doubts and fear.

My Experiences Combating These Fears

Over time, I learned that there is only one way we can defeat our fears.

We can defeat fears by facing fears.

This is the only way.

In the above sections, I discussed the ways to combat fears I learned from Ali.

But if you observe those ways, you’ll find that…

All of those suggest us to face those fears.

But to face those fears we need a lot of courage and self-confidence.

But how can we build self-confidence or courage?

You can achieve confidence by starting to take action.

Lower the bar, start small, and build confidence to go higher.

There is a very beautiful video by Chris Williamson and Alex Hormozi on building self-confidence.

You can watch this video to understand in a better way.

But the important mantra is “Take Action”.

This is how you can defeat your fear.

Conclusion

Fear ruined my childhood experiences.

Fear kept me way behind in my life and my career.

If you have these fears, then remove them from your life.

Because you know how many consequences you will face if you don’t.

The only and the best suggestion I have for you is “Build an Action-oriented mindset and start taking Action”.

For more on building an action-oriented mindset, check out my related article here…

And at the last, thank you, Ali Abdaal , for saving me.

Anish xx