The Fear of Living Life

Too many times we feel that we shouldn't do something - take a day off, exercise, visit a loved one, explore, take on a project, or really just live a little bit. Fear controls our decisions. Maybe it isn't fear in the literal sense, but we (or at least I do) think to ourselves about each and every ramification and detail about what will happen as a result of our decisions. Sure, that's called being a responsible adult, acting in a mature way, to minimize the risk of something bad happening. Here's the thing - no matter what you do to prevent and control life, you can't. You can be only so prepared for each variable. Throughout my adult life I have tried to remove myself being in a "bad place". I played it safe when many of my friends and family vacationed, explored, had hobbies, bought expensive toys, and enjoyed nights out on the town. Being a "responsible adult", especially if you have children (which I do), creates an environment where you are forced to make good decisions. Sometimes though, in the mindset of acting responsible, you can begin to fear living life.

A couple days ago, I got a call from my Stepmom in Arizona. Happy to see her name pop up on my caller ID, I immediately answered, excited to speak with her. The news she delivered moments later would change my plans, forever. She told me that my Dad was very ill and that he would be getting hospice to treat his pain. There was nothing the hospital could do to repair his health and making him "comfortable" was the only goal at this point. My heart sank, and I knew I had to see my Dad. Immediately my wife was scoping out flights from Chicago and just a few minutes later I was planning my trip. Here is the thing - I hadn't been able to see him for almost 13 years. Life got in the way of living for many years, going to school, going to work, building relationships, loosing friends, starting a business, driving around, buying groceries, and "living" took me away from me. But there is a lesson here beyond the ramblings of a person that has regret. Everyday you have a choice. Every minute you can change your position on how you think, how you plan, how you prioritize and how you live.

My life is not at all bad - I got some sad news and I am dealing with it. I am lucky too - I have a great wife, the best kid, a loving family, a nice house, a fast car (and a car the doesn't run yet), a fun career, and just a wonderful life. I can't change the past or the decisions that find me here today nor would I want to. When my Mom got sick and needed help our family came together and fixed it. When we had house issues, we paid for them. When our car broke down we took care of it. When my wife and I got sick, we got over it. When I got laid off, I found a new job. But this is what my family's life has been for a long time - one stressful problem after another. We booked a family vacation to Disney in Florida months ago - and you guessed it - Hurricane! Closed. Bummer. So what can you do to change it? Lower your expectations? Be more spontaneous? Luck? Throw more money at your problems? Therapy? Prozac? Act like a twig on a mighty river - and go with the flow? I think I identified the solution, and it is really simple - courage and perspective.

I am tired of being afraid of the next disaster or calamity. Shit is going to go down and with my luck probably at the worst time imaginable. Should I give up? Hell no! I am going to keep planning the best future for myself and my family. I am going to keep pushing forward and that's how I am going to overcome these issues and be happy. Don't let fear of living life and the problems keep you from moving forward. Don't regret missing opportunities, don't think about what life could have been like. Life is too short to regret the decision and steps you take. That doesn't mean not to be careful - but don't let risk aversion remove the ability to have fun.

Bad things happen to all of us, but good things happen too. You can't get away from either. You can, however, make the best of each moment in your life. In one day my Dad and I were able to catch up and while we were laughing, crying and talking we got to enjoy our time together. If you stay up all night and dream all day you are living. I am tired of letting myself get in my own way. If your life is going to be a roller coaster ride like mine is, be confident that every time you go down and you are scared - it will go back up. The lower the lows - the higher the highs. Life can be a great ride - so stay on it for as long as you can. Be confident that you will live through the roller coaster that is life. Have courage and you will make it through just about anything. Remember the good - try to forget the bad. Make your plans to shoot for the stars and don't be sad if you land on the moon.