Fear Is the Kindness Killer
We’ve all been there: Days after an argument, you FINALLY think of the perfect response.?“Why didn’t I think of THAT in the moment?!”?
When faced with an intense argument, the amygdala (the brain’s emotional hub) is triggered, activating?our fight-or-flight response. Our body tries to dial down the stress caused by the argument as quickly as possible by releasing the hormones adrenaline and cortisol. These increase your heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension — helpful for our hunter-gatherer ancestors face-to-face with a predator, but not so much for an argument at the dinner table or on Facebook.?
This response cuts off the part of your brain that helps you think, communicate effectively, and make rational decisions. You know, all those things that would be SUPER useful during an argument. But if every conversation is a battle, and your only options are fighting or retreating, we can’t find real solutions.
So, is there a way out of our hard-wired reaction to confrontation? Yes! When you find yourself in a situation where everything has spiraled and a communication breakdown is causing friction, you can turn things around with some practice in active listening and empathy. That means?stop waiting for your turn to talk and really?hear?what the other person is saying. Then, ask questions that will help you understand where they’re coming from. We must be curious to be empathetic; we must be empathetic to solve problems.?
We are currently facing a global crisis of?ineffective and divisive communication. Relearning the way we approach communication is paramount to more productive conflict resolution. When confrontation triggers the amygdala and our thoughts and emotions become clouded, addressing our natural fight-or-flight response and its effects can help us develop the mental and emotional fortitude necessary to handle conflict and chaos with clarity and confidence.
Make It A Habit:
These tips will assist you in resetting your fight-or-flight response and get the blood flowing to the part of your brain in charge of connection and compassion.?
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2 年Identity markers also play an important role here. Even before we fully engage, our Amygdala assesses others as "safe" or "threat". Once that sense is stimulated, it is part and parcel of interpreting interactions as threatening to us. Who hasn't caught themselves probing others for biases, so they "know what to expect" when they approach them? 60 Minutes did a piece on the Carnegie Hero Fund Commission. A neuroscientist explained the basis for someone rushing toward danger to save someone as empathy overriding the fear response of the Amygdala. While we might not all be wired for this heroic response, practicing empathy can in a lesser degree restrain our fear response and help us avoid perceiving others as threats. We can do this by practicing the 3 C's, where we honor each others' perspectives, and grow our overall relational capacity.