Fear Is the Kindness Killer

We’ve all been there: Days after an argument, you FINALLY think of the perfect response.?“Why didn’t I think of THAT in the moment?!”?

When faced with an intense argument, the amygdala (the brain’s emotional hub) is triggered, activating?our fight-or-flight response. Our body tries to dial down the stress caused by the argument as quickly as possible by releasing the hormones adrenaline and cortisol. These increase your heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension — helpful for our hunter-gatherer ancestors face-to-face with a predator, but not so much for an argument at the dinner table or on Facebook.?

This response cuts off the part of your brain that helps you think, communicate effectively, and make rational decisions. You know, all those things that would be SUPER useful during an argument. But if every conversation is a battle, and your only options are fighting or retreating, we can’t find real solutions.

So, is there a way out of our hard-wired reaction to confrontation? Yes! When you find yourself in a situation where everything has spiraled and a communication breakdown is causing friction, you can turn things around with some practice in active listening and empathy. That means?stop waiting for your turn to talk and really?hear?what the other person is saying. Then, ask questions that will help you understand where they’re coming from. We must be curious to be empathetic; we must be empathetic to solve problems.?

We are currently facing a global crisis of?ineffective and divisive communication. Relearning the way we approach communication is paramount to more productive conflict resolution. When confrontation triggers the amygdala and our thoughts and emotions become clouded, addressing our natural fight-or-flight response and its effects can help us develop the mental and emotional fortitude necessary to handle conflict and chaos with clarity and confidence.

Make It A Habit:

These tips will assist you in resetting your fight-or-flight response and get the blood flowing to the part of your brain in charge of connection and compassion.?

1. Breathe: Develop a routine for reacting. Take deep breaths, inhale and exhale slowly, and listen to your body. Learn to create space between your response and the altercation.
2. Organize: Become aware of your feelings in the moment. Don’t ignore or react to them before you delegate where your emotions should be applied (or not) within any conversation.?
3. Plug In:?Tap into moments by listening with your whole self. Notice the nuances of the conversation: body language, tone of voice, and word choice.?
4. Self-Reflect: Step away from distractions and journal. Ask yourself the hard questions like: Why do I feel anxiety in difficult situations? Why do I feel anger? What is the real issue that I am not confronting?

We are starting with us. We hope you are too.

Updates from our movement:

• Yesterday, SWU Movement Partners?Kelvin Beachum, Dhani Jones, and George Atallah?convened more than 30 sports industry leaders to address toxic polarization in America. Movement Partner Lonnie Ali described it as “the most exciting event during Super Bowl week.” Sports has power as a cultural unifier across differences, and we are excited to partner with leaders in the industry to find lasting solutions. Let us know if you’re in the industry and interested in getting involved ????
• If you still haven’t watched our?Radical Heroes video?featuring Movement Partner Alice Marie Johnson, perhaps Kim Kardashian’s cosign on Twitter and IG was the endorsement you were waiting for! Alice’s approach to people from all walks of life is the change we want to see in the world. Miss Alice inspires all of us to “bloom where you are planted” and be compassionate no matter where you are or who you are with. ???