Fear, Intuition, and New Chapters.

(Get comfy... this is a long one)

You all may have seen my posts about this upcoming cross-country trip.

Truth be told... I'm really nervous about it, especially from a safety standpoint.

Traveling alone with all the dogs, none of whom are used to taking long road trips or environmental change. One 16 yr old with dementia. One 14 yr old. One 11 yr. old giant. One 5 yr old spark plug (Frank the Flying Hot Dog; aka "F*cking Frank":)).

I'm taking the Jeep to get serviced (although it only has 8600 mi on it after 2 years.... yes, you read that right) and given a "once over". Making lists and checking them twice.... times ten. I can only do so much with poor little Todd as already lives in a constant state of "what's going on?"....

I've also been repeating Bob Baker's positive affirmations on the daily trying to "pump myself up" for this..... "everything is always working out for me", "I got this", and other confidence-bumping affirmations. Tapping and doing EFT on the daily for a mental and emotional tune-up. Past experiences have conditioned me to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop, anything good that happens comes with a price, etc, so I've been working ultra hard in rewiring this thinking.

But, even with all of this, I still have thoughts running through my head like...

.... what if we get a flat tire?

.... what if need help in an area where we've lost cell service?

.... what if we can't find a place to stay after hours on the road (I'm hesitant to make reservations because I don't know how long we'll be on the road at each point along the way)?

.... what if I *do* make reservations at an AirBnB (hoping to find those with a fenced yard)- and it's not in a safe neighborhood?

.... what about the weather? What if a tornado happens? What about the McKinney wildfire going on?

.... what if I have one of my health spells?

.... what if we end up in an area low on gas and there's not a gas station for miles?

.... what about little Todd? What if this really throws him off? What if he declines even more?

There are *a lot* of fears. A lot of hesitations.

Taking a trip like this doesn't make logical sense given all the circumstances. Not at all whatsoever.

It's not the right time.... and it IS the right time at the same time.

This trip is so very needed ---- for many, many reasons. Emotionally, mentally, creatively... and the fact I haven't left my house or had a proper vacation in many years. I've been living on autopilot. Living in survival mode.

When out on our morning pack walk yesterday, I was in prayer/ meditation (our pack walks are such sacred parts of my day). With tears streaming down my face, I was asking.... truth be told, I was downright begging for help. Pleading for support. Some guidance. Signs I was being heard.. that I wasn't alone. .... something... anything. I was mentally scrolling through all the fears associated with this trip that've been renting space in my head. Then a thought came to me about fear and intuition....

You see, I've always been a "feel the fear and do it anyway" kinda' gal. This has both built confidence , and also shaken it. It's build self trust, and also destroyed it. Of course, the older I've gotten, the less I've been marching to that particular beat (at least as big and as loudly as I used to); and, because of this, my world has also gotten smaller and smaller. I've been trying to stay as "safe" as I could to ensure survival. Trying to keep life relatively "predictable" so I could stay more consistent (for my business and meeting its needs, to achieve all I've set out to achieve, etc) ... and, of course, provide a strong level of consistency for my pack.

But what if fear isn't necessarily a negative thing? What if it's also a compass?

I think intuition is information, and fear is just a feeling. The fear we feel may just simply be what gets activated when we're stepping into the unknowns that fall outside of our zone of comfort, zone of familiarity, and what our "norm" is. What we feel due to past experiences and past traumas. The "emotional stain" and "residue" that trauma has left on us... this is what gets activated.

If you think about it, much of our fear arises when we're being faced with a choice. And in most situations, we have a choice. I think there's positive fear and negative fear. Positive fear is having fear around stepping into the unknown and pushing our own limits (though with positive intentions and to reach a certain goal). Usually positive fear is around choices we need to make in support of our growth. Around "change". I know this fear intimately. Negative fear would be like...the fear we'd have if our dog went missing. Either way, we'd be flooded with tons of "what if" scenarios (as you can see by my impressive list above). While some may come to past, most do not. It's our past experiences and past traumas that are usually directing that show. But I do believe both serve a valid purpose.

Anyways, I've been choosing the path of least resistance these last years. Staying quiet, focused, consistent, and, yes, "safe". There's been no adventure or play in my life. Nothing new or different. I've been able to write books, develop programs, keep my business afloat (though these last months have been a struggle due to the economy), and be of service... but I really haven't had a life outside of this.

There are a lot of uncertainties with this trip, and not just "roads less traveled".... but roads completely UNtraveled. Roads that are totally foreign to me. It's uncomfortable. It makes me feel.... "wobbly". And it's definitely challenging my level of faith, trust, confidence, safety and security.... but I also recognize it's necessary for out-growing, moving beyond, transitioning into my next chapter, and becoming.

Doing what we fear, taking risks, and trusting whatever inner calling we may have (with *zero* knowing of what the outcome will be....even if it defies logic) can mean different things to different people. Some may call it crazy. Some may call it stupid. Some may call it foolish; while others may call it courageous...adventurous....liberating.... necessary for growth. Everyone has a story and their own experiences which will lead them to their judgements, opinions, and perceptions. And me? I'm choosing to perceive it as.... all of the above. And I'm okay with that. My logic tells me I'm being foolish and crazy, while my intuition and fear are telling me I'm courageous, am onto something, and this needs to happen.

So, I'm doing this for me. For my business and clients. For my creativity. To remember who I am. To challenge my fears, as well as the restrictions I've place around my life. To reconnect to my spirit. To see parts of the country I've never seen before. To experience the majesty of Nature ... outside of just looking at it through my laptop and through someone else's lens. To satisfy that call I've always had to "go west". I'm doing this for my health and my sanity.... and for another reason.

I'm heading out to meet the man who's dedicated his entire life to preserving the American Indian Dog breed (https://www.indiandogs.com). This incredible, deeply intuitive, and unique breed of dog that started me on this journey (my Lobo), and has continued on my journey with me for the last 20 years. As I've said, I'll always have rescues... there are too many in need; but I'll also always have an American Indian Dog. I have Cherokee and Choctaw in my heritage, and this is the breed I've always been deeply, unquestionably drawn to.

There, I'll also be meeting our newest family member. While I had a few names picked out for him, I believe Ronan will be what I'll call him.

This little man represents much more than just a "new family member". He represents everything I've outlined above. A new teacher and mentor (every dog will teach us something new and different). A new partner. A new chapter. New energy. New purpose. New *life* .... and he'll also be the star of a new puppy raising digital series I'll be developing, going over "building the healthy dog" (nutrition, vaccinations - timing, type, frequency, etc., "phasial learning", appropriate exercise, pack integration, communication and teaching the boundaries of the home, basic obedience, socialization and exposure, dealing with puppy shenanigans, potty training, crate conditioning.... the works).

While my last 4 dogs have been rescues, Ronan will be my 4th AIDog~ and I'm so very excited to begin this journey with him.

Each and every single dog I've had the absolute honor of raising and caring for has taught me so much. And my beloved Chip (who was neutered at 13 weeks of age), has also shifted me into a new rule about adopting. Any rescue I welcome into my home is one who will have either been neutered or spayed **later** in life and after his or her reproductive system was fully developed, or is a puppy who the rescue or shelter is NOT "fixing" prior to full development. It is my deepest hope that rescue groups -- and vets!-- will stop altering puppies and babies. They may believe they're preventing one problem, but they're creating many others on a health and behavioral level. Early spay and neuter is one of the leading causes of canine cancer. Of course, if a pup stumbles upon my path in need and this isn't an option, I'll gladly look beyond this (it's not the dog's fault, but the human's)... but this is what I'll be looking for from any dog I rescue moving forward (unless I start one of my own somewhere down the line. The need is so great).

At any rate, my remaining AIDog, Raiyna, is aging gracefully at 14 yrs (a fine mixtures of genetics and lifestyle). Ronan was born the day before Chip left this world, and - I'm sure- will pick up where he left off (given what I'm hearing about his personality thus far... very high pack drive---- just like my Chip).

I know he is not Chip... there will never be another Chip. And he's not Todd. There will never be another Todd (yes, Todd is still with us but every day comes with its question marks). Ronan is not a replacement.... but a wonderful new addition and family continuation. And it's my absolute honor to to have the opportunity to apply all I've learned in supporting, guiding, and building... co-creating his life with him. There's so much I've learned since all of my "oldies but goodies" were pups... and there are a number of things I plan on doing differently.

I cannot wait to meet this little guy. Cannot wait for the pack to meet him, and cannot wait to integrate him into our little family, our home, and our lives. I can't wait to raise him. Learn from him. And grow with him.

I'll be sharing updates before, during, and after to stay connected, but also - perhaps- to inspire someone to step out of their own comfort zone. Or maybe somewhere along the way, our experience may teach someone something new.

If you wish to support our journey, kindly consider doing so. It would be so very appreciated. While I'm not looking for any handouts, I have started a GoFundMe (https://gofund.me/00275e8e).

If donating to the GoFundMe, for every....

$25, you'll get our popular "Dog Walking Meditations Album" (https://www.packfit.net/meditation)

$50, you'll get the "Dog Walking Meditations Album" and the "My Dog, My Buddha: The Sequel" EBook

$75, you'll get the above as well as the "Zen of Dog Training: Behavioral Impact Series" and "Puppyhood: What to Expect When Expecting/ Canine Edition" EBooks

$150, you'll get the above, as well as the Behavioral Masterclass

$200 or more, we'll offer all of the above + the 21 Day Confidence Course (the higher up we go, the more will be added).

Thank you all so much for the love and support these last months. For holding digital space for all the grief and emotion surrounding the loss of Chip (...one day at a time), and the question marks around our precious Todd as we continue to feel our way through it.

This drive... this break.... this road trip... this "new" and "different" that's on the horizon.... our new family member... it's all feeling like a breath of fresh air.

I can't wait to officially introduce him to all of you.

<3