Fear... I know a few things about fear...

An organisations response to domestic and family violence

The first time I experienced fear was around three years of age. I followed a little dog down a lane way and for a short time was considered 'lost' by the person caring for me. What happened after that became blocked from my subconscious, however growing up I recall the dog incident as a day of fear. For years I had various flashbacks of violence; hitting, being held down and beaten, yelled at... I thought that these flashbacks were just from a bad dream or from my vivid imagination. It wasn't until my 30's was I told about the extent of my beatings.

Another moment was when I was about nine or ten years of age and had just witnessed significant violence. Being so scared my fear had turned into a fit of giggles. I could not giggle in this situation for risk of being punched or hit, so I started to swallow my giggles which then turned into hiccups. Looking back at that time and the actions I took as a young girl, I now realise that I had taught myself to navigate my way around violence.

Fear never leaves you; it just changes its shape. And fear can make you a fighter.

We are all scared, scared of how people view us. I am scared of talking too much, too little, sounding too confident, incompetent, saying a smart thing, the wrong thing, showing my weaknesses, not showing my weaknesses, coming across as being too coy and scared of being too much of everything that the person I desperately want to impress doesn't want to see. Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Without wishing to minimise the impact domestic and family violence has on other minority groups such as the elderly or LGBTI, the majority of incidents impact women. We now know that one in three women experience Domestic Violence; a behaviour which is either emotionally, psychologically, economically, threatening, coercive, physically or sexually abusive towards a family member (ABS Personal Safety Survey, 2012). Further, the statistics on death are becoming more frightening. A recent report by the Finance and Public Administration References Committee 2015, indicate that this number has now increased to two females who die per week due to domestic violence - that's your sisters, cousins, aunts, mum(s), daughters, grandmothers or any female from your extended family network.  As our working lives creep into our personal lives and the divide is sometimes difficult to separate, is it time for organisations to support the welfare of employees faced with domestic and family violence? Not because they have to, but because it's the right thing to do and because it is what represents an organisation which is morally and ethically accountable.

At the time of writing (March 2017), recommendations from the ACTU for additional domestic violence leave of ten days for victims of all industry types was still being considered by the Fair Work Commission, meaning that compulsory Domestic Violence leave is in the process of being approved. Together with active support from Rosie Batty, the AMWU are also backing this request to make Domestic Violence leave compulsory across all industries. In May 2016, the Victorian State Labour backed a push for family, and domestic violence leave in all modern awards in a submission to the Fair Work Commission. Organisations currently do not have to provide additional leave to victims of domestic violence. However, as part of ongoing recommendations for change, compulsory domestic violence leave will most likely become a requirement of all modern awards. The number of days is yet to be confirmed. It will most likely be approved. Hopefully, this will be soon.

In the last decade organisations who consider themselves to be socially aware offer more than twenty additional days of domestic and family violence leave. I suppose the intent of this leave is to allow the victim to remove themselves from harm, find accommodation for her and her dependents and the additional days may allow the victim some time to establish a new life. Or perhaps the days are used to attend court hearings and attend to family counselling sessions. In my experience I have found this policy to be written in some folder or pinned to a senior member’s noticeboard, making it difficult for the common employee to locate. I’ve asked well-meaning members of the organisation about such leave and have learnt that they are not aware that this leave is available to employees.

Statistics indicate that only 1.5% of victims have accessed domestic violence leave

The policy outline, applicability and need are rarely communicated to employees making access to the leave difficult which may cause embarrassment for the victim. It sounds supportive and socially aware for these organisations to be offering family and domestic violence leave more than legislative requirements and yet employees rarely access this support. Do you know anyone who has used domestic violence leave? Based on statistics, have one in three women in your organisation requested domestic violence leave? It would be interesting to learn of the organisations that have. Statistics indicate that only 1.5% of victims have accessed domestic violence leave, this includes men and previously mentioned minority groups.

Issues with regards to policy implementation and accessibility are part of the discussion. Does the victim know that this is something she can request? And who would want to request for it anyway? Do organisations think that their employees will individually go up to their manager and ask for domestic violence leave to address problems at home? Perhaps her manager attended the victims wedding and unknowingly sides with the perpetrator, 'Who Bruce?! Nah, he's a good bloke!' This ridiculous assumption by organisations who do not educate employees by firstly identifying and then offer support to access domestic violence leave and support services is just further alienating a minority workforce. Usually, these women are gifted, respected and add tremendous value to the productivity of the workplace. During their time of need, they may be so embarrassed and caught up in their affairs and consequently feel paralysed in making any sensible decisions for themselves and their dependents. 

The Overlander in the 1980's on its way from Melbourne to Adelaide. I recall catching this train at night. To me this was quite the adventure, I didn't understand the rush or the note left behind... Courtesy Victorian Railways .

This awkwardness and lack of understanding can promote a decision made by the victim to leave their employment thinking that this will help her escape a life of fear and violence. The lack of resources and support can then very quickly spiral downwards for the victim and her family. Faced with no income and little support, this can in some instances, force the victim to return to the perpetrator. An unfortunate cycle of poverty, where an organisations' social conscience of acting in the best interests of human welfare has gone out the window. The organisation has not only lost a set of valuable skills but could have helped a family potentially faced by financial turmoil.

I recall one of my school principals having a social conscience. Arriving at yet another new school, the principal gave me a pair of school shoes and a uniform. It was a sweet, yet somewhat clumsy early 80's gesture to address a situation which was lacking in resources. The principal tried to help in the only way he knew how. As I stood in the principal's office with my big bag of new school items, I looked around wondering where all the other children's school uniforms were kept. I attended four different primary schools and thought that a principal's job was to hand school uniforms out to children! Back then organisations did what they could and in their most socially awkward ways, they did something. Anything. For organisations back then it became a moral and ethical issue, not part of policy. Nobody talked, nobody asked, they just did what they thought might help.

Having social awareness and concern for the welfare of employees working within your organisation creates a sustainable workforce. 

We need not feel embarrassed or be scared when addressing domestic and family violence. We're all scared. Scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. However, I strongly believe it's better to do something anyway.

The person who is most scared is not you. It is your employee. The employee who you manage and who you suspect at the end of today has to go home, cook, clean, get the house sorted and in her state of fear does something which enrages her perpetrator. Can you imagine the fear she and her children have? Can your moral conscience go home tonight and sleep knowing that you could have tried to say something where domestic and family violence is suspected? Perhaps you've seen bruises, overheard a conversation or perhaps you've wondered why she never joins the team for a coffee or lunch? Is the fear of not doing something greater than the fear of doing something, even if you come across as a little awkward and clumsy?

Is your decision to 'not go there' aligned with the same values as your organisation? 

I’ve had the fortunate experience of attending meetings with police and social welfare groups to discuss family and domestic violence. I have witnessed the despair members from the police force have for victims not willing to contact them or report domestic violence; statistics show that victims are more willing to talk to a trusted friend, employer or health professional. Male or female, it can be scary talking to the police! The police who I have spoken to appear frustrated and yet desperately want to be given the leads and resources to do their job effectively. Police are now urging organisations to help them identify perpetrators. 

Being part of a moral and ethical organisation which embeds the principals of sustainability; social, economic, welfare towards employees and environment, you have a great deal of clout! Your hunches and suspicions matter. There is now a tremendous amount of support for people like you who have a direct line of contact with a victim of domestic violence; it’s an important role. To be entrusted with such responsibility is a tremendous honour!

We now have a social set of guidelines and support services which are accessible online; we need not be scared of doing or saying the wrong thing when domestic violence is suspected.

Listed below are seven strategies to provide victims with support in an organisational context:

1. Approach your employee, use sensitive enquiry to address the concerns ‘I’ve noticed that you are not yourself’ could be a good way to start. Your employee may not want to talk. However, you have planted the seed and created a pillar of support for when she is ready to access. Well done!
2. Give your employee time to talk. Too quickly we throw EAP into the mix when your employee may just want to talk to a trusted person; she is most likely embarrassed, doesn’t want to burden you and doesn’t want to waste your time. Recall what she says. Your role is more important than any official at this point. 
3. Ask your employee what she needs immediately. There will be some pain points which might be things you would not have even thought of; The use of your mobile phone; Having a trusted colleague/friend to pick up the kids from school; The use of a van from work to pick up a few things for her move. It might also help if her salary was paid in cash, directly to her - can you make this happen? She might need some time during working hours to make some important personal calls in a quiet office.
4. Educate yourself on support. A simple google search for Victims of Domestic Violence will provide a host of support. Refer to links below.
5. Think outside the box. Are you lucky enough to work in a large organisation with resources to additional accommodation for employees? Perhaps you have an employee benefits program with accommodation options. Find out if those venues are available and ask if they could be used to help your employee for the short term. Your organisation may host people or have access to hotel accommodation, or your organisation may have a support fund for employees to access.
6. Maintain confidentiality. Unless there is a risk of self harm where an organisation has a duty of care to protect the individual, confidentiality is recommended.
7. Maintain a connection. Just because you reached out and were not well received initially, does not mean you failed. You won your employee over. There is now a connection and pillar for her. Keep communication lines open and keep offering.

Organisations which consider the psychological and physical needs of their employees, consider what has shaped them into who they are today and accept their personal characteristics and circumstances through alignment of shared values, have demonstrated that improvements are possible to the effectiveness of on the job delivery (L. Harris, 2017). Further if employees believe that the psychological contract no longer exists, this can impact motivation and commitment (Nord & Fox 1999).

If employees believe that the psychological contract no longer exists, this can impact motivation and commitment.

As I write, my dog lays at my feet and snores. I stroke the furry little body with the ball of my foot and her continual snoring reassures me that fear can be a premonition of just doing. I encourage you to identify the things that you fear most. Where we are comfortable to be open, honest and transparent is the moment we can just get on with it. I mean, it couldn't be any worse than what one in three women have already experienced.....could it?

For support relating to family and domestic violence, please contact: https://www.1800respect.org.au/ or call 1800 737 732

Further resources include:

• Women's Crisis Line 1800 811 811
• Men's Referral Service 1300 766 491
• Lifeline (24-hour crisis line) 131 114
• Relationships Australia 1300 364 277

Copyright. 2017. All rights reserved. You may not publish any this information on your website or other media without written permission. The information from this article remains the property of the author.

About the author

Felicity Donert is an experienced Organisational Development (OD) professional with a health services background. Focusing on OD initiatives to support capability and policy implementation is her core strength.

Felicity is available to facilitate and promote policy implementation for an Organisations' Response to Domestic and Family Violence. To promote and support organisations with White Ribbon accreditation, an organisational awareness of family and domestic violence is one of the requirements. An understanding of organisational policies, procedures and services available to employees and key stakeholders is also part of accreditation requirements.

To learn more about white ribbon accreditation standards visit: https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/

If your organisation could benefit by responding appropriately to domestic and family violence, please contact us.

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