Fear is a HUGE factor!

When I was six years old, I went to the Newton Public pool with my sister and her friend. We had just started learning to swim and I was so proud of my ability to touch the bottom of the pool. Opening my eyes underwater seemed surreal. I excitedly said, “Watch me, watch me!” as I took a big breath of air and plunged into the four feet of water (for a six-year-old that’s a lot of water).

I was going to touch the bottom. I remember it so clearly; swimming to the bottom while moving my hands and feet. One more push and I’d touch it. Well, that was one strong push, because I hit my head on the bottom of the pool. I passed out. My sister reached in and got me out. I remember waking up with the lifeguard above me, checking to make sure I was okay.

It’s one of those ingrained memories that I can’t forget and has resulted in my fear of putting my head underwater. Now, surprisingly, I can somewhat swim with my head above water. I do practice but I get very anxious when my feet can’t touch the bottom or my head goes underwater. Traumatic – right?

I know I fear it and that I need to try to overcome it. This past year, Sunny and I even took swimming lessons so that he could support me to overcome this fear. I’ve made sure that all three of my children are excellent swimmers, varsity level in fact, with the one specific goal: To save their mother, if the need should ever arise!?We own a pool, but I like to stay on the not-so-deep end with my floaties. I’ve got it handled, or so I thought.

This past week Sunny and I went on a couples retreat to Necker Island. It’s a beautiful island in the British Virgin Islands and we were able to explore the beauty of the island and enjoy a lot of activities ― on land. Part of our retreat included bringing much-needed school supplies for two elementary schools that were devastated by the hurricane. We had all brought bags full of supplies and were going to head over to the main island to visit the schools. Then we were going to go to the Gorda baths to see the beautiful rock formations. Well, little did I know before we left on the boat for BVI that we were actually going to swim from the Gorda back to our boat that was parked in the ocean near the exit.

So we’re on the bus and they tell me we will swim from the Gorda to the boat. Hmmm…. Not freaking out. Well, maybe a little. I look to the guide and ask, “do you have a life jacket?” You see, I have two choices at that moment. I can either say that I’m not going to join the group and go back on the bus or I can go and experience this amazing Gorda Baths and overcome fear ― with supervision and a life vest, of course. I know Sunny is with me, I have a life jacket, and the tour operators wouldn’t want a dead body on their hands, so they must be experts… so I’ll do it.

Calculated risk ― but a risk, nonetheless. We leave anything that shouldn’t get wet on the bus and make our way through the Gorda. It’s beautiful with lovely rock formations. I’m pretty adventurous on land, so I love hiking and?climbing the biggest of rocks. As we get closer to the end, I see the boat. OMG – It’s a mile out in the ocean, well It was probably one New York City avenue, not a block, but an avenue away. Those of you who have been to NYC know that avenues are long. To me, it seemed like a mile away, but it was most definitely an avenue.

I strap on my jacket. Sunny double checks and they also give me a yellow floaty to wrap around my body to help (or easily find the body, I’m not quite sure at that moment!). I look into the water, it’s so blue and clear. I can’t see any sharks or other animals that would attack. I see the rest of the group all swimming effortlessly to the boat. We’ve got Sunny and the tour leaders in the back waiting for me. Okay, I can do this. And I launch. I put the floaty aside (it was getting in the way) and start my strokes. I’m too scared to stop. What if the jacket doesn’t work? I keep looking at the boat until I get closer. I see ahead of me a couple of friends we made. They’re waiting for me to catch up and watching to make sure I’m okay. Sunny is behind me. I can do this. Stroke after stroke, now it was really far, and by this time my arms are killing me, but I make it. I get to the boat and feel this immense sense of accomplishment.

I did it. I made it to the boat and I learned a lot throughout the process:

1.?????It’s okay to admit that you don’t know how to do something

2.?????It’s okay to ask for help or use a support system like a life jacket

3.?????Calculated risks are fine or you will miss the beauty of life

4.?????Surround yourself with good people who will be there if you need them

5.?????Knowing that your life partner is there, supporting you and ready to catch you if you fall, makes the jump all that much easier

It was a lot. I’m not going to lie. But I felt so good once I pulled myself up onto that boat. I felt like I had truly conquered a fear. I know that the next time there is a water activity, I’m going to go ahead and try it – with my life vest on and holding Sunny’s hand. But I’ll do it. And that’s all that matters