The Fear That Holds Us Back

I toe the edge of the platform with my foot as my sweaty palms slide along the handrails. I squeeze hard as dozens of people watch anxiously with bated breath and count down collectively. My heart races, no, it thumps, pleading to escape my chest cavity. My brain argues with itself, consoling me, "You don't need to do this, walk away, stay safe and secure on solid ground." Amid the noise, there is just enough daring in me to somehow find myself on the ledge of the precipice of the Jamaican cliffs.

The sun lazily sets as my friends and fellow party-goers enjoy an afternoon at Rick's Cafe in Negril, and begin staring up at this unsure, sunburnt kid from Queens as he contemplates life, battles his own fears, and works up courage in its purest form.

I am afraid of heights. It is exactly why I should not be atop this cliff.

I am afraid of heights. It is precisely why I should be atop this cliff.

Fear is a great motivating factor. In our lives, we can either be cowed by our fears, or use them to push ourselves even further. Fear comes in many shapes, sizes and forms. Like the grizzled, battle-tested veteran in a movie, I believe fear is a good thing. It means you are alive, and teetering at the edge of your comfort zone. I don't believe anyone who says they have no fear, as there is always something at stake if you value your life and time here on earth.

When is the last time you chose to do something that invoked fear in you? It seems illogical to do the things we fear, but in straddling that line, we get a glimpse of the other side. We get to experience, which I hold to be life's greatest teacher. Through that experience we learn, maybe to fear less what we once did, or maybe to remind ourselves that the fear we feel is legitimate. I am pulled to a story recently relayed to me by a friend explaining Buddhism compared to other major world religions. He explained, "There is a cup filled with hot water. In other religions, they tell you it's hot and to avoid it. In Buddhism they tell you to dip your finger in and experience it." I believe the same can be said for fear. So often our parents try and protect us from the things we fear, and with the warm feeling of a security blanket, we grow up and continue to avoid anything that remotely scares us.

So what if it's not just a fear of heights, or spiders, or small planes that is holding you back from experiences?

What if it is a fear of success? A fear of becoming great?

As a species, we are incredibly adaptable. We are able to put up with a lot of shit before we decide to make a change. We rationalize and justify away things in our life that make us deeply unhappy because we fear an unknown future. We are programmed to stay secure-- to plant our feet firmly in the ground. If things aren't terrible, then surely, they're good enough. Our own lives are not very different than the anecdotal metaphor of the frog in boiling water. The story goes that if you put a frog in boiling water, it will jump right out, but if you put it in a pot of lukewarm water and slowly heat it, and it will allow itself to be boiled alive.

Are we allowing ourselves to be boiled alive with unfulfilling careers and pointless jobs? Is it a fear of failing that holds us back, or a fear of succeeding? If we stay in our pot of warm water, we have nothing to fear. If we jump, we may achieve more than we ever thought possible. We may achieve the success and manage the drastic life changes that come with bolder decisions (or not). Some dare to jump up, perhaps halfheartedly, and find themselves missing the target, yet relish in the fact that there is a lot of warm water to catch their fall.

For me, it was a salty, warm Caribbean sea. I would like to say I jumped, soared, embraced the fear and left it behind. In truth, I punked out. The count was too quick. My heart palpitating uncontrollably. My legs linguine. "Three!" came and went. I exhaled, breathed deep and realized I had failed, and it was okay.

The failure wasn't what I was afraid of. I steadied my breathing, focused on nose breathing, mouth exhaling, and regained control of my jellyfish legs. Once again, I would like to say I leapt, but it was more of a large step off the edge. For a brief moment I felt like Wile E. Coyote, to look down would only hasten my doom. I crossed my arms and made a stupid face, and held my breath as I gracelessly plunged into the cerulean sea.

I stayed under longer than necessary. Being under water had never felt so good. Looking back, that was the start of a transition to cozy up to fear and not let it to boil me alive.

I once stood on the ledge of the precipice of the Jamaican cliffs. Solid ground was certainly my refuge, but a safety net can also turn into a crutch. Sometimes you just have to breathe in deeply and take the plunge.

What is it that you are afraid of? Is fear of failure holding you back or is it the life altering possibilities of success? Join the discussion about life, happiness and passion at whereiswagner.com