Fear-Guilt-Anxiety-Escape

These four words have been on my mind since sometime now!

It’s when you’re in the middle of nowhere, trying to recover from a failure too big and yet small. As I see people preparing for their ‘Mundanys’ again, I see myself slowing coming back to the essence that ‘the show must go on’

Not too long ago, I faced a failure, which was not because I wasn’t working hard enough or moving fast enough but simply because fear took over that moment. It was not the first time I let fear win, it was the exact same feeling that I encountered during my boards with my maths exam. It seemed so familiar, the voices inside my head of not being good enough, of facing defeat because maybe you don’t deserve it, of ‘how can you win?’ and yes, I didn’t snap out of it.

I cried, and gave myself some space to think where did I go wrong? How could I let it happen? What could I have done differently? and the worst of all ‘That person was able to do it, why couldn’t I?’ The comparisons that started in 1st or 2nd grade by our elders in order for us to be better, maybe led us to see our shortcomings even when we don’t need it.

It’s disappointing. I, for one, have not been able to overcome it. The constant feeling of ‘is this good enough?’ How do you face it?

And What to do when there are no cross-roads, no bridges, no ladder or stairs, just a plain deserted land, and neither a person nor hope to be found.

Well, I am here, Let me figure it out. And I shall get back to you in due time. As I said I am slowly coming back to the essence of what’s actually important now, I will try and help anyone going through a similar phase. (I hope you’re not though)

Hope,

Ayushi