Fear of Failure; fear does not exist

What does “fear” mean to you?

Is it a pale face with eyes open wide and a gaping mouth?

Does the mention of it send a shudder through your spine, start your knees knocking and stand your hairs on end?

Or perhaps it’s an ominous voice echoing behind your ear?

“Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real, but fear is a choice." -  Cypher Raige, After Earth

Fear is a concept that means different things to different people. It is a work of my imagination designed and redesigned over years of experiencing pain. It resides in my memory and my operating system loads it whenever I step into the unknown. What I have awakened to recently is that it does not exist in the environment. It is an internal reaction that I conjure up. My fears are the result of previous versions of me experiencing pain.

You cannot put fear in my hand

Sometimes the fear I conjure up is appropriate to the external environment and in those times I am grateful to it for alerting me to the danger of a potential source of pain. This includes the emotional pain caused by rejection as well as physical harm as both light up the same receptors in my brain. At other times it is about as welcome in my mind as imaginations of Donald Trump tea-bagging me awake in the morning. No visuals dear reader… The more you resist the fear of Donald Trump saying good morning the more vivid the fear becomes. This is the way fear works.

But, you cannot put fear in my hand. I cannot weigh it. Neither can I throw it away, eliminate it or destroy it as so many motivational speakers have tried to convince me of in the past.

What I can do is collaborate with it. I now see fear as feedback. If I feel fear I now seek its source. Once I am aware of the source of my fear I can discern whether it is appropriate to what is happening in the here and now or whether it is a manifestation of my past. In the latter case I am involuntarily allowing a previous version of myself to possess me. Either way the process is positive as the fear allows me to avoid the experience of pain in the future.

Here are 7 steps in my process that allow me to collaborate with my fear:

1.    I accept that I created fear to serve me rather than the other way around.

2.    When fear arises I do not compete with it or try to resist it.

3.    I remind myself that fear is a concept that exists inside me; not in the environment.

4.    I bring my attention to the feeling but do not hold onto it. I know that it will pass.

5.    I get a sense of what part of my body is being affected.

6.    I then ascertain whether there is anything actually happening in the current environment that threatens to cause pain or is provoking action from that part of my body. It is important to note that I have felt fear at times when there was no threat to my safety. The threat was actually a perceived threat to my career or identity; both of which are also, like fear, concepts of the mind that do not exist in reality.

7.    If there isn’t I search my memory for an event that did cause pain or provoked action from that part of my body.

These 7 steps do rely on me being present and aware as opposed to entranced in my own memories. This has been very difficult for me in my past as at times the fear felt very real. This meant that I would perceive there to be threats to my safety when there were in fact none. This was especially true in my early days of public speaking and performing.

5 ways I now reduce my vulnerability to not being present:

1.    I continuously bring my attention to my breathing.

2.    I ensure that the circle of my breath is slow and deep in my lungs.

3.    I observe what is actually happening in the environment without elaborating on it with my imagination.

4.    I pay attention to all 5 senses one by one.

5.    I ground myself by bringing my weight down into my feet and feeling the ground.

I and 9 other speakers will be addressing this topic at F-OFF, the Fear Of Failure Forum on February 1 at Work Club, 99 Elizabeth street, Sydney. Tickets are available HERE. With proceeds going to Beyond Blue to help people develop into their potential in the face of anxiety and depression.