Fear of Failure & Overcoming It

2 years ago, I had a realization that changed my perspective and consequently, my life.

I had a colleague who had over 9 years' of work experience in large international organizations. When she joined our relatively smaller local organization, she was expected to bring in her past experiences to improve operating systems and processes. Unfortunately, that did not happen. Our team eventually concluded that she was incapable of doing so, despite years of experience in the same field.

One day, we were having an honest personal conversation and it drifted towards work. She started to confide in me and revealed sadly that she felt like a failure for not being able to fulfill the expectation. She shared her side of the story and as I sat there listening to her, I came to understand 2 things.

First, she feared failure. She feared it to an extent that she would?choose NOT to do something at all rather than giving it a try because in her mind the stakes & consequences of failure were too high. Unfortunately, by not even trying, she was unintentionally encouraging others to perceive her as incapable.

To me, that was a bad decision because the stakes of not trying seemed way higher than at least giving it a try. That way, her failures would then serve as steppingstones for improving herself & her project.

Second, I realized that I was like her.?I always thought that I was different from her but that day, as I sat listening to her, I could not help but realize that I was not any different from her.

Both of us feared failure and we often chose?NOT to ATTEMPT AT ALL. We both agreed that failure is an inevitable part of growing yet, we were afraid & reluctant to experience it.

That realization was so freeing but at the same time, depressing because I passed so many opportunities in life and I always justified that by telling myself that I would have failed anyway. I did not realize it then that?NOT TRYING IS FAILING BY DEFAULT.

I knew that if I continue this path, I would not be able to have a fulfilled life & career, and thus, I decided to change the way I approached failure. I started reading lots of articles, books, listening to podcasts and watching videos that would guide me in this endeavor. Through this process, I have come across inspirational people and learned many valuable lessons that have helped me shift my perspective completely.

Following are the 4 tips (out of many others) that have helped me, and I hope it helps you too :).

1.??????Risk being a Fool

The Author of “12 Rules for Life” and clinical psychologist,?Dr. Jordan Peterson says, “If you are not willing to be a fool, you can't become a master.”

Everyone has their “First time”. “First times” & subsequent initial stages are always difficult and failures cannot be avoided. But then this is exactly how we grow; through perseverance in spite of the failures.?We can become a master by willing to be a fool in the process of learning, so to speak metaphorically.

2.??????The 5 Second Rule

All of us have voices inside our heads that sabotage us. These voices discourage us from leaving our comfort zone. Mel Robbins, the author of “The 5 Second Rule” sheds light on this in her book. It is mainly about taking action when you don’t want to, but I also find it helpful for taking action in the face of fear. In her words, “If you have an impulse to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill the idea.”?Previously, I would allow my brain to talk me out because I was scared but now, if I want to speak or take on a task,?I count backward 5,4,3,2,1 and GO!?

3.??????Reflect on Past Failures

One of the influential German philosophers in the 19th century,?Nietzsche famously said,?“that which does not kill us, makes us stronger.”?Failures can be mentally, emotionally & physically taxing, however, a few months & years down the line, in retrospect, you realize that you came out of it stronger & wiser which may not have been possible if you have been smooth sailing. Thus, the ancient adage,?“a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor”?is universally true even to this day.

4.??????Believe in Yourself

“You are what you believe yourself to be”, Paulo Coelho.?Believe in yourself and your ability to handle anything that comes your way, be it success or failure. Believe in your strength and resilience. Most of us don’t realize our strengths until we are tested.

Through trying times and failed endeavors, I have come to understand how strong & resilient the human spirit can be. I now believe in myself and my ability to get up on my feet whenever I have been knocked down.

As Oprah Winfrey says, “You can either waltz boldly onto the stage of life and live the way you know your spirit is nudging you to, or you can sit quietly by the wall, receding into the shadows of fear and self-doubt.”

I wish you all strength, resilience and confidence to overcome the fear of failure.

Thank you for reading. :)