Fear of Failure; failure does not exist

My last article defined “fear” as a concept; an invention of my imagination that did not exist in my external environment and at times was not appropriate to my actual present experience. I invented it to serve me until one day, like Dr Frankie’s monster it turned on me. So I turned it back into something that served alongside me.

Failure is similar in its design. It is a work of the imagination and does not exist either. We who possess a passion for poetry know it as a nominalisation of a verb. This means that whilst I can be failing (verb) at something I set out to do I cannot pick up a (fail).

It is possible that my previously held belief that a thing called a fail existed in the world can be traced back to my fear of receiving a big red “F” on a school assignment or exam. In my teenage mind I believed that a fail was a thing. However it does not exist in the real world in which I operate now and it certainly doesn’t point the way to the end of the world like I thought it did back then. If I start to fear a failure today it means I am reverting to my teenage self who fears the authority who can give me a big red “F”. However, the idea of a thing called a “fail” is not a part of adult Matt’s world. Failing is. Failing points the way to not getting what I want. It is helpful in this way as it allows me to change direction.

I relate to Jamie Ragen who has been able to apply this mindset of using failing to choose his path through life to both his personal and professional life.

Drives my family crazy as I LOVE to cook and apply this to my cooking, I use experience to come up with a new dish and just go for it, some time I get dog food and we eat pizza, some times we end up with something that is ok’ish. I quickly adjust and eventually end up with something very nice. Professionally I do this everyday, it has an obvious fit with the Tech industry that is in a constant state of change. – Jamie Ragen, experience manager, Adobe

What arrested my attention about what Jamie shares is the way he acknowledges that this strategy of quickly adjusting his direction based on the feedback he receives helps in the fast paced industry of technology. Software development is an industry that is highly iterative much like improvised comedy which is one world that I participate whole heartedly in. On stage I must drop my expectations and play to the unexpected events happening in real time in order to achieve my ultimate goal of surprising the audience in joyful ways. In this way unexpected outcomes are not labelled as failures; rather they are the insights into the audience that allow me to build rapport with them. Even more valuable to my ability to perform improv comedy is the wider perspective on what’s happening these insights give me so that I can keep steering the process.

Atlassian is another example of a player in the tech industry that has been succeeding at a phenomenal rate. Head of R&D and work futurist at Atlassian, Dominic Price, shared a similar approach to failing and succeeding. He reinforces the mindset of constantly iterating based on feedback by framing every part of the ongoing process as “experimenting”. By doing so he seems to always be succeeding.

If you do try new things, that is experimenting. Experimenting has two possible outcomes: 

Proven right or proven wrong.

Good news, is that both outcomes offer an opportunity to LEARN and GROW. – Dominic Price, Head of R&D and work futurist, Atlassian

Dave Whittle, a human being enjoying too many awe inspiring titles to list here, is a master of profound and sharp meaning making and he defines the terms fear, failure and success in his mind as:

Fear: Powerful motivator

Failure: Useful educator

Success: Intoxicating

What I value greatly about what Dave has shared with us is the perhaps counterintuitive way he relates to the three concepts. A previous version of me would have seen fear and failure as having a diminishing effect on my state of mind and success as having an invigorating effect on me. The current version of me defines these terms in a similar way to Dave and it serves me much better. Feeling fear is now a driver and an activator for me to conduct the gnarly work of awakening to higher self awareness. Failing provides guidance and helps me to navigate this life that I am moving through. Success, if I see it as a thing that I can hold onto and identify with, makes me blind to the process that is unfolding here and now. In truth I am part of a process that is constantly unfolding and I am always learning and growing. At this time in my life, “learning and growing” is an accurate definition of succeeding for me. So I am always succeeding it is only the rate at which I am that is changing.

What is proving most useful to me now is the bringing of my attention to the process being one that I firstly enjoy and that secondly creates value for the people around me; letting go of my preconceived ideas of what outcome should come as a result of the process is proving to be crucial to me succeeding at this in the most sustainable way possible.

Another senior member at Adobe, Mark Henley, seems to share my long term perspective on this and he was able to relate this way of thinking to a person’s values, beliefs and behaviours.

The things we can do are intentional and attitudinal – be honest, compassionate, loving, forgiving. Surely when we do those things, we cannot fail, and any fear of rejection, judgement, or attack on personhood does not have to be seen not as in inadequacy of self. Equally, I don’t mean to suggest that lack of discipline, personal responsibility or introspection is acceptable – we are still obligated to observe and improve our own feelings and behaviour – Mark Henley, director of transformation and digital strategy, Adobe

I and 9 other speakers will be offering different perspectives on this topic at F-OFF, the Fear of Failure Forum; February 1 at Work Club, 99 Elizabeth street, Sydney. Tickets are available HERE. With proceeds going to Beyond Blue to help people develop into their potential in the face of anxiety and depression.