Fear is expensive

Fear sits at the root of procrastination. Think about that thing you have always wanted to do. Start a vlog, apply to the VP position, join a boxing club -- but the thought scares you. You are frozen in anticipation. Your fear has led to procrastination, and you have dragged your feet. Maybe for years. But fear and growth cannot co-exist; don’t be afraid of fear.?

The lifecycle of growth?

When we are comfortable, we don’t feel fear. We feel safe and in control. As soon as we begin something new, the unknown ignites fear which leads to excuses and a lack of confidence. At this stage in the growth lifecycle, we allow external opinions to influence us. Once we get past the cringe of facing (what we believe might be) others’ opinions, we push ourselves into the learning zone. This zone allows us to finally deal with new challenges and problems. It exposes our gaps, and we are in pursuit of knowledge. The combination leads to new skills. With time, we enter the growth zone where we conquer the intended objectives and get closer to who we want to be. From there, we create new and loftier goals.

Map your large goals on the spectrum below. Include a due date at the end of each goal. Have you taken action? If not, your goal is a pipe dream.

What does the growth lifecycle look like?

• Comfort zone: I am not going to ask my boss to take the project on, even though my director left and I see the issues the gap is causing
• Fear zone: I am too stupid to do the job. I am so junior, she will never say yes anyway
• Learning zone: “Here is my proposal for the project that Habib left behind, I can balance it alongside my priorities. Is this a priority, would you change anything about my plan, and what do you think of me pursuing it?”
• Growth zone: Now that I have nailed that skill and been promoted, on to the next goal?

Fear is only valuable when it makes it to the learning zone. Before that, fear is a hindrance to your growth. Because growth and comfort can not co-exist. There is good fear and there is bad fear. When I look back at my decisions, the moments that I have been most afraid of have shaped my life the most aggressively. Walking to a director’s office at MIT and asking to be accepted, raising money from venture capitalists, applying to an internship at NASA that I was not qualified for, and deciding to put an authoritative voice to my learnings across social media as a business leader all deserve mention on the list. Those are all examples of good fear.

How to evolve past the fear zone

There are two ways to change: (1) Change what you think, which influences what you do. (2) Change what you do, which influences how you think. Here are ways to outgrow your fear of fear:

• Don’t label yourself. You aren’t a scared person, you are feeling fear. As a principle, I do not label myself or my children. I am not clumsy. My kids are not spacey. My kids aren’t unathletic. The inverse also works, by the way. If you label yourself as a risk-taker, you will act like a risk-taker. My kids are problem-solvers. I am fearless.
• ?Calculate the impact of fear. Ask yourself (from ‘Designing Your Life’ by Bill Burnett & Dave Evan): (1) What will my life look like in 5 years on the current course (2) What will my life look like in 5 years if the first plan can’t happen (3) What will my life look like in 5 years if I take the most blue-sky/money-and-time-doesn’t-matter course
• Define good. Imagine somebody who nails the task. What does she look like? How does she carry herself? What steps did she take? Emulate her. I have a mood board of women who inspire how I want to be received that I pull out when I feel anxious before a challenging discussion or a public talk. Then, I play pretend. It works.
• Decide what tactical steps need to happen to break into the learning zone. Literally, write out the 5 next steps. Then set a 5-minute timer. Turn off all notifications. And start taking the steps within the allotted time. By forcing yourself to be concrete and time bound, you are more likely to cross the delta.
• Any more tips?

What is motivating you?

As a closing thought, figure out what is motivating your desire for growth.

External motivation:

• I am doing this because people will respect me if I do
• I am doing it to please a teacher
• I am doing it because I feel like I have to
• I am doing it so others appreciate my looks

Internal motivation

You are more likely to follow through on and enjoy things driven by intrinsic motivation.

• I am doing this because I value the goal it’s helping me work towards
• I am doing this because I like challenges and I am curious

Anything you would add?

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