Fear Escape Artist!

"If you want to live a fearless life, never leave your comfort zone." Martin Kipp

I've been reflecting on the concept of SUCCESS and what makes one person more successful than another.

My conclusion is that it comes down to mindset and more specifically how we process fear!

As a facilitator it is so fascinating to watch a cohort of emerging leaders who all have access to the same training material divide unconsciously into two camps. Those with an abundance mentality versus those who believe in scarcity.

According to Stephen Covey the SCARCITY mentality is driven by the belief that resources are limited. So in order to win, succeed, gain power, be recognised and rewarded someone else has to lose. Short-term focus is adopted and immediate gratification is sought. Lack of results is attributed to bad luck, lack of time or insufficient resources and overall an external locus of control. Unconsciously there is a fear of losing and not being good enough, which then drives jealousy, competitiveness and aggression on one hand or helplessness, depression and paralysis on the other. The aim is to exhaust all available resources so they can't be taken away. This is all done in an effort to meet their need for certainty and significance. Cue the whinging, whining, excuses, justification and wow is me!

ABUNDANCE mentality in contrast is the belief that there is more than enough to go around and then some. It is a win-win mentality driven by an inner sense of confidence and security and results in collaboration, sharing of prestige, knowledge and decision making. This is long-term thinking which results in openness to possibilities, innovation and creativity. Trust and love for self and others flows freely and so in line with the universal law of attraction trust and love are returned along with success in all different shapes and sizes.  

So what is FEAR? 

FEAR is an emotional response induced by a perceived threat, which causes a change in brain and organ function, as well as in behaviour.

According to Susan Jeffers (author of Feel the Fear and do it anyway) fear can be broken down further into three levels.

1. The first level is SURFACE STORY which refers to events that 'happen' to us such as ageing, being alone, change, an accident, retirement or illness and things that 'require action' such as having a child, driving, public speaking, attending an interview, weight loss or asserting oneself.
2. The second is fears of the EGO and inner states of mind such as rejection, success, failure, helplessness or disapproval.
3. The biggest fear of all is that 'I can't handle it' (in general - anything and everything). 

It is when you stand at the precipice of your comfort zone that fear shows up. So it stands to reason that fear is the perceived differential between whether you choose to act or not. It is your compass that directs you to change or stay the same. 

So WHAT IF you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possible have to fear?

The answer is.... NOTHING!

Instead of getting lost in your head judging, analysing and critiquing your current situation WHAT IF you stopped thinking and feeling about it and just said YES! 

If everything in your comfort zone is familiar, safe and certain then logic suggests you will maintain status quo and continue to reap the same results you always have. 

So if SUCCESS is your goal and you want to increase your performance something has to change and that means..... yes you guessed it..... stepping outside of your comfort zone.

"Are you green and growing or ripe and rotting?" Ray Kroc

For it is in the 'not knowing' that we grow and learn and step outside of our comfort zone. And as long as you strive for success, innovation and performance the more you will be required to step into the unknown and trust that you will figure it out!

Because here's the thing....are you ready for it.....

The TRUTH about fear:

EVERYONE experiences fear in unfamiliar situations and it will never go away.  The only way to get rid of fear of doing something is to DO IT, and ONLY after doing so will you feel better about yourself. For pushing through fear is less frightening than living with it and the associated helplessness.

So fear is not the problem, how we hold onto it is. Our POWER is in the ability to work through fear by - ACTING! 

So what is you current RELATIONSHIP with fear?

In order to determine your current relationship with fear, consider whether you are moving away..... or towards fear. When you think of fear does it invoke PAIN, helplessness, depression and paralysis or POWER, choice, energy and action?

On a spectrum of pain to power where do you sit? 

Your vocabulary will be the first thing to give you away. In the world of pain and scarcity the words "should,  just, can't, problem, hope, struggle and fault" show up. When used these words send a strong message to your subconscious that you are weak, limited in your capability and have no control over your life. 

In contract power language infers accountability, control over self and choice. The tell signs include "could, opportunity, won't, responsibility, knowledge and growth."

Great, so what do I do about my fear you ask?

Let's go back to the students in the classroom and the realisation that the point of difference is ultimately their MINDSET and what they choose to make uncertainty and fear mean to them. In order for you to get back into the drivers seat of your life the same rules apply.

Consider what strategies you are running and whether they are aligned with a abundance mentality and position of power or scarcity and pain!

Six strategies to build a mindset for SUCCESS:

If you suspect the latter is true for you, here are 6 strategies to get you back on track. 

1. Say YES then figure out the how later: When opportunities present themselves to you ask yourself will this get me closer to the person I want to be and the career or business I want? If the answer is YES to both questions then trust you are exactly where you are meant to be and you can figure out the how later. 
2. Choose an abundance mentality: It's as simple as saying yes to this choice and then working out the how. Consider the language you use and your thinking. To build this muscle daily affirmations are crucial in drowning out your internal negative nelly CHATTERBOX and substituting more nurturing, supportive and constructive language. If you are lost for words try saying "I AM POWERFUL AND I AM LOVED; I AM POWERFUL AND I AM LOVING, I AM POWERFUL AND I LOVE IT" every day at least 5 times a day and ideally facing the mirror.
3. Find a mentor: Hang out with people who stretch and grow you in the direction you want to move in and who have the results and success you are striving for. If you are a tennis player you know your game improves dramatically when you train with a stronger player. These are the people that will also rally behind you and be your first point of call when it comes to figuring out the HOW!
4. Turn off autopilot: It's time to actively build your tolerance for stepping outside of the comfort zone. Step outside of the box to stretch it everyday. Try drive home a different way, go to a different restaurant than your usual, order something on the menu you have never ordered before. Try it!
5. Stop comparing yourself: We are all on out own journey so comparing yourself if futile, distracts you from the task at hand and makes you feel lousy. So why do it! If you are truly coming from an abundance mentality then others success is something to be celebrated and another person to learn and grow from. 
6. Adopt a win-win decision making model: When you adopt a win-win decision making model there is nothing to lose therefore nothing to fear. Every interaction and experience is believed to result in an opportunity to learn and grow. All of a sudden the binary thinking of 'should' I choose option 'a' or 'b' seems inconsequential because either way you win!

So my parting words to you are this..... 

"Fear is Good! It is the reminder you are alive and you have more to give." Patrizia Santoriello