What's holding you back?

What’s the difference between fear and bravery?

H, aged five told me that he thought that one of his friends from school was brave because he wasn’t afraid of the dark.

I thought carefully about this before replying.

To me, bravery isn’t about lacking fear.?Bravery is experiencing fear but not letting it stop you.

One of the bravest acts I have ever seen came from an unlikely source and it changed my perception of fear and bravery forever.

In my early twenties while working in the Cairns area I worked with cops of all shapes and sizes, both physically and mentally.?We were regularly in physically confronting situations and different people approached these scraps with widely differing attitudes.

Some of the people I worked with loved a scrap and would take on any antagonist with enthusiasm. They were fearless and would always be front and centre in any situation that got out of hand.

Others would avoid physical confrontations as much as possible, often to their detriment as at the end of the day, we had a job to do.

One such was Jenny. Slight of build, in her late thirties Jenny had a quiet girlish voice and a very gentle disposition. She was a great person, fantastic with victims but amongst those of us tasked with training first year constables, she raised serious doubts about her reliability if our safety depended upon her.

That changed one night when Jenny and I encountered an angry mob from an out of control party.

A sixteen year old girls birthday party had been crashed by a group of adults in a rough neighbourhood in Cairns. Those people called in their friends and it resulted in a mob of around three hundred people fighting in the streets, overturning cars and smashing the neighbours houses.

Jenny and I arrived on our own but had to pull back when our car started being targeted by flying bricks and bottles. We called for back-up but resources were light so we received only one other unit with another two cops to help us bring the situation under control.

We pulled our two paddy wagons up a street away and locked our firearms safely inside, they would have been useless, even dangerous to us as there was a high probability that we would be mobbed and have them taken from us. This was in a time before tasers and capsicum spray so apart from our guns we only had our police issues batons to rely upon.

Our plan was straightforward and highly risky.?The four of us would walk down the middle of the street with our batons out and simply rush anyone who threw anything at us or committed any other offence in front of us. We’d then form up around that person and lock them in one of our wagons. We’d then repeat the process until the street was clear or we filled our two paddy wagons.

I’d had had my share of bad days but to step forward at that point was inviting what could be termed a very rough day in the office. We knew that we were ridiculously outnumbered and that the chances of getting seriously injured were high. But we had a job to do and this was one of those times when we had to step up to the plate, once you have that uniform on, you can’t run away when innocent people are being hurt in front of you.

We walked together into the street and it was chaos. We paused about fifty metres from the mob and my legs were jelly. Jenny, who weighed probably thirty kilos less then me had tears in her eyes as she said to me, “Mick, I’m really scared.”

I grabbed her hand briefly and said, “Jen, we don’t have a choice, this is what we signed up for.”

That’s when I saw it. She was absolutely terrified but she stepped forward beside me and walked into hell.

I don’t know how we pulled it off, but we did. By the time we got the street under control we were all bloody, bruised and battered. I’d had my shirt ripped off, Jen had a black eye and Rob had three broken ribs. In the process?we had arrested sixteen people and they were crammed into our two wagons. Getting the last few into each had been quite the challenge.

I was so bloody proud of Jen. Truth be told, I was proud of all of us.

That moment taught me a lot. Sure I could work through my own experiences with fear but to witness that determination in someone else was so powerful. I saw first-hand that bravery wasn’t about being fearless. Bravery is about choosing to step forward even though your bowels are loose with fear and your body is shaking in terror.

Fear can take many forms. Personally I've found that sometimes my psychological fears have been even more debilitating for me than the fear of physical danger.

The times when I've experienced:

·?????Fear of confrontation.

·?????Fear of change.

·?????Fear of admitting when I’ve screwed up.

·?????Fear of hurting someone else.

Fear can hold us back from being ourselves. The fears that control us can make us keep the job that we hate, stay in the relationship that we don’t want, stop us from taking the risk of being hurt.

In my world now I meet many people who know that they should make changes in their lives and in their businesses but their fears of risk, failure or change hold them back.

Don’t get me wrong, fear has a purpose. Fear keeps us safe. It tells us that our actions can have consequences.

Lacking fear is probably worse. Fearlessness is recklessness.

The balance is for us to control our fears rather than let them control us.?Let the fear help you to assess the risk. Take the time to measure the depth of the water before you jump.

Then take a deep breath and take that step forward.

It’s normal to be afraid. Stepping up when you’re afraid is what makes us brave.

What change should you make that fear has stopped you from making?

Ask yourself how you can be brave like Jenny.