Fear

It’s a frightening world we live in and this past week has hit home to me how much so.

I can’t seem to shake the tragedy of my home town and it’s in a place of shock and extreme hurt right now

It’s something I know about, To be extremely hurt and extremely unhappy with where you are and how your life is going

I remember my turning point, I remember the point I finally gave up and wanted to come out of the hole I was in

I was sitting at my kitchen table with my Mam and a representative from the defence forces and we talked and talked and my Mam finally saw how unhappy I was in it, she could see I wasn’t myself or I wasn’t ever going to make a life for myself in it

I remember her words, it’s something that will live with you forever

She said I don’t care about him or anybody else they bring you’re my son and I love you and I want you to be happy

It gave me the courage to finally admit I had enough and it’s crazy when I look back now, It feels and seems like it wasn’t me that was living that life, that it’s a dream I can’t shake or forget

The problem was I was institutionalised as much as I fought the system and rebelled I was, I entered as a kid and I was completely surrounded by this bubble and all that mattered was what I was told and ordered to do ( as much as I resented and pulled the Opposite way I was bound in it )

I had a massive fear

A fear of failure

A fear of hurting and letting my family down

A fear of the unknown and what was out there for me in the outside world

A fear of embarrassment

A fear of being a let down to myself and my loved ones

And I look back now and it’s funny because people said to me are you crazy to leave a pensionable job and life

I was 21 at the time I gave years unhappy in a place I hated

A pension was the furthest thing away from my mind

I couldn’t be this unhappy and unwell for the next 30 years of my life

I remember

I use to be crippled every Sunday around 4/5pm - this cloud of darkness would just completely engulf my life and mind and it was so obvious what was going on, This unmerciful pain just hit me in the chest every Sunday

I remember the day I finally went back in and put up my hand to say I quit I’ve had enough, this HUGE weight fell off my shoulders and I couldn’t stop smiling

I finally admitted to myself and I was okay with everyone knowing I’ve quit

See the day you finally admit you’ve a problem and your life can’t go on like this anymore Is the day you will finally be relieved of the hurt and pain, it’s the day you finally move forward with your life and your happiness

I left with nothing I actually paid a lot to come out far more than what I should of - But I didn’t care I had one thing and that one thing trumped all others

I had my Happiness back

And it’s funny I’ve never looked back yes I’ve had some bad days, bad days in a relationship, in business, home life, sports life, training life but who hasn’t we all get bad days but I can put my hand on my heart and say I would never again trade my happiness for anything in this world

And the reason I wanted to get this off my chest is because I know they’re tons of people unhappy out there

Unhappy with their lives and how their living

Whether that be in a job, relationship, home life, physical health, mental health

Everyone who comes and works with me are unhappy in some shape or form in their life

But the day you finally put your hand up and admit it I can guarantee you the weight of the world will fall off your shoulders

I look back now and I think to myself how I did it for so long and how did I stay unhappy for so long

Fear was a large part of it

But the problem with fear is it will cripple you if you allow it, fear is an evil evil place to be and it brings you to your knees.

Ask for help because believe me when you do you will see the world and how we live in it in a whole different life.

So like my business I only ever wanted to help one person but I’m very fortunate to have helped hundredths now couple of years down the line and it all started with me putting up my hand and finally letting go of the hurt and pain that help me back

So if you get some sort of solace from this or relate in any way it’s done the job and it was all worth it

Mental health isn’t a sign of weakness in any way shape or form and I think we as a society and community are starting to understand and appreciate it

Everyone has shit going on believe me TRY and always be kind and nice to the best of your ability.

Mind each other

This image perfectly sums up what we all have experienced in some shape or form and it’s a perfect example of “its not all as it seems”.

Believe me everyone has different issues and different problems and what they might be stuggling with might not be anything you’ve a issue with but it doesn’t mean it isn’t an issue for that person.

Me

All I needed to do was leave the job and I see that now. 

But for me it was the biggest thing in the world at that time and it crippled me to think about leaving before I finally built up the courage to do it.

Everyone’s battle is completely their own and don’t ever compare or put down a persons issue just because you don’t necessarily suffer from the same hurt.

Again 

Love as much as you can

Smile as much as you can

Be as happy as you can.

BW