The fear of being seen: Are you hiding in the shadows?

I was sitting having breakfast with my mum when she queried, “Why when everything is gaining momentum are you resisting so much?” Shortly after getting LinkedIn Top Voice in December 2017, I got inundated with messages, connection requests and invitations for coffees. I was getting opportunities left, right and center and instead of walking towards them I was walking away. Instead of making the most of it, I stopped writing, I quit creating video and I hibernated from the world. Something inside made me highly uncomfortable with the amount of online visibility I was getting, and the feeling wasn’t unfamiliar. Being in the limelight has always been a struggle for me, it’s something I relish and detest all at the same time, but over time I’ve learnt to lean in.  Before, during and after allowing myself to be visible there were a lot of personal battles I had to overcome to share my thoughts with the world and allow myself to be seen. 

The Excuse

I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve heard someone say “I want to post something on LinkedIn but I haven’t because…” or “I want to get into public speaking but…” Followed by an endless list of excuses such as perfectionism, busyness, unimportant, riskiness and the list goes on. The reality is even though you might overcome one there will be another right behind it and even then it doesn’t quite stop there. I still go through periods of “there’s too much content on LinkedIn, there’s no point in writing anymore” followed by “is anyone even interested in what I have to say?” There will be countless reasons that will stall you and a bucket load of limiting beliefs that will stop you but it is up to you to dig deeper to find out firstly what the underlying reason is and then to reframe it. Secondly, deciding why it is you want to do that thing and never forget the reason. Lastly and more importantly, just start.  

The Narrative

One of the most common narratives I hear often and have lived myself is the worry of not ‘being an expert’ or ‘not having enough experience’ to write, speak, share or do something. It’s shortly followed by the tsunami of imposter syndrome that reinforces the fear that people will find out I’m neither an expert nor do I have huge amounts of experience. The truth is we already have so much to say, so much to give and so much to share with the world and with each other. Yet we tell ourselves we’re not really good enough, our idea isn’t polished enough, our thoughts are not structured enough.

What we should be saying is “I am enough”

Once we start changing that narrative within ourselves we give others the opportunity and space to hear and be heard, in turn connecting with others. We stop feeling like we’re alone in this big world and start to bridge those gaps with words that remind us “I am not alone”.  

The Past

If there was one thing that really held me back from first starting to write, it was the fear of being ridiculed. Having experienced severe bullying as a child I hid the things that made me unique, special and talented for most of my early adulthood, as it was precisely those things that people teased me about. So naturally as an adult, there was safety in staying in the shadows, blending into the background and remaining under the radar. My opinions were silenced and my thoughts were kept tightly bottled up. No risks taken meant there was no opportunity to be hurt. I forced myself to live an ordinary life and yet I always knew I was anything but ordinary. I had ideas, I had dreams, I had words and yet everything remained unspoken. What I started to understand is that I was not only stopping myself from truly being me but stopping myself from sharing that with the world.

Ask yourself “will I let my past define my future?” and “will I give power to the people that hurt me all those years ago?”

The Mask

The day I left my corporate job I promised myself that I would leave the mask at the door and never pick it up again. What mask? The one I somehow found myself creating in order to fit into a mold, to portray what I believed others wanted to see, and to not have to show up as myself. I had become accustomed to exchanging superficial pleasantries and completely avoided any form of deep and meaningful conversations or interactions at work. When I finally took that mask off it was a huge weight off my shoulders but it also meant having to not only know who I am but also own who I am and that was a whole journey in itself. It meant having to unpick all the things that had influenced my personality, way of being and behavior to fit into a world that didn’t allow you to bring your whole self to work.

The introvert

In order to be seen I had ‘to show up’ and as an introvert that’s probably one of the hardest things you can ask them to do in any given context. A third to a half of the population are introverts so this is a dilemma a lot of them face. A common misconception is that it’s a question of shyness when it’s in fact a matter of stimulation and showing up meant being very stimulated on a regular basis. Being online meant I could build relationships in the comfort of my room and then with time take them offline. Understanding what my boundaries were and when my energy buckets needed replenishing was key.  I had to also understand what the benefits of coming out of my shell were and that’s when I learnt how to become ‘selectively introverted’. Acknowledging that at times I had to temporarily go to the other end of the introvert-extrovert spectrum to get the outcome I wanted. 

The Result

So what have I learnt since I stepped into the limelight and started being seen? That all this time there were people willing to hear me, interested in what I had to say and a huge amount of people that would encourage me along the way. For every negative thought, there has been a positive one, for every discouraging person, there has been someone championing me, for every limiting belief there has been a reminder of the impact my words have. There is so much power in being seen, you feel heard, admired, connected, loved, appreciated and who wouldn’t want that. What I’ve come to realize, is that I was the only person that was really missing out.

So what does being seen mean? It’s being bold, it’s being brave, it’s being courageous, it’s being willing to go against the grain, it’s fighting for the things you care about the most to be heard. It took time to get here, to really embrace my vulnerability and to show up in all my true and raw glory but with grit and a little encouragement from this community, anything is possible and somewhere out there, there is someone really in need to hear what you have to say. 

This post was written as part of the #FacingFear series, which is tied to LinkedIn’s student editorial calendar on #StudentVoices. Why not write your own?

Thanks for reading! I’ll be continuing to write on different topics every month so please feel free to click follow, comment and share.

In case we haven't virtually met yet... Hi! I'm #AuthenticAlex ex-corporate trainer in the Financial Services turned LinkedIn & Personal Branding Expert, Youth Advocate and Serial Networker on a mission to inspire, motivate and empower professionals to lead an authentic life. Find out more here...