Fear Based Dressing - Bandwagon Effect

This is a pretty loaded topic that affects us all in some way. In my years as a personal stylist, I will often refer to 'fear' as the number one reason we don't express ourselves.

I am often invited to present on the subject of how to stand out amongst all the noise. In all my presentations I address the underlying main reason of our inability to be ourselves - FEAR. (The image below from one of my PPP's)

After the events, either in person or virtual, it never surprises me to have at least 5 women, especially young women come up and tell me they resonated with that part. They explain how they have an incredible fear to be themselves.

Recently at the conclusion of an event, one young woman pulled me aside privately, revealing she is harbouring this energy to be different but afraid of being too much. I notice the pain in them and I recognise how it's 'hurting' them not to be themselves.

She asked my advice on what to do. We chatted for some time and by the end of the conversation she realised this fear was old self beliefs from an early relationship, and not a reflection of her.

So responding to her on what to do - I simply stated I wasn't a psychologist but I do know as a professional personal stylist working with individuals with different issues and needs, that just being a little more courageous every day and doing one small thing you love is a start to bringing that YOU back.

It's interesting, my observation of people who have been told they are 'too much' go in one of 2 directions.

They either a) shrink and fall into a follow the sheep mode, or b) rebel and express themselves more, unapologetically. Sound familiar?

Have you heard of the 'Bandwagon Effect'?

It's quite a complex term with various associations, and can have powerful affects on all of us - both positive and negative. Here in this article The Bandwagon Effect: Why People Tend to Follow The Crowd is my reference point. But to make it simple, I've written this piece to reflect the topic close to my heart - STYLE.

Ok so let's start with what is the Bandwagon Effect:

• The?bandwagon effect?is a cognitive bias that causes people to think or act a certain way if they believe that others are doing the same.
• The bandwagon effect can influence people when it comes to things such as which political candidate to vote for, which products to buy, and which investment to put their money into.
• People experience the bandwagon effect for various reasons, such as because they want to conform with others in order to gain their approval, because they believe that relying on the opinion of others is beneficial, or because they’re motivated by additional mechanisms, such as the fear of missing out.

I'm going to refer to the behaviour known as Bandwagon Consumption - which is taken advantage of by marketing and advertising industries. This consumption mentality can influence consumers’ decisions regarding which products to buy.?For example, people often buy the same type of clothes that other people that they know are wearing, because

a) They want to show that they’re?following the latest fashion trends - fitting in.

Or

b) They fear missing out. You can also call this herd behaviour or I often liken this to 'cloning mentality'.

Or

c) Simply unconscious of purchasing the same pieces because they are surrounded by similar items and it becomes contagious.

As one scholar notes:

"The bandwagon effect may also affect people not just with a specific decision, but with regard to the overall culture and work environment. Group attitudes and norms are ‘contagious.’ We are unconsciously influenced by the attitudes and behaviors of those around us. We have all found ourselves in an unpleasant group before, perhaps one of many angry airline passengers waiting for a delayed flight. The tension can be palpable, and we may find our own anxiety rising in response to that of the strangers next to us. Similarly, experiences such as sporting events and performances are enjoyable largely because the excitement of the crowd spreads to us all.” From “Cognitive Errors and Diagnostic Mistakes” (Johnathon Howard, 2019)

Eventually over time you unconsciously default to the norm and stomp on your individual tastes and likes.

This is where I introduce fear in the equation. Given you are unconsciously trying to fit in or fear missing out, you unconsciously brush to the side your deep likes and feelings.

For example, your colleagues & friends are into the latest must have branded handbag. You prefer a vintage bag your grandmother gave you that sits in your wardrobe unused. You purchased the latest bag because you feared that when catching up with friends, you would not have something in common with them to discuss, and hence would feel left out. Sadly this is common in adults, not just teenagers and young adults.

Going to a cocktail event fearful to wear your favourite pink outfit knowing everyone will be dressed in basic black is just you feeling you may be judged, unaccepted, too much or accused of wanting attention. And attracting attention is the most common fear I hear from women especially.

Eventually over time you unconsciously default to the norm and stomp on your individual tastes and likes.

Bandwagon Effect is actually that simple, yet deeply complex because it affects us personally; unhappiness & anxiety increases, you continue to search for the magic happy place by purchasing more of what everyone else has, fuelling more anxiety, thus spiralling out of control and then struggle to get off the bandwagon.

Notice how many health retreats have sprung up all over the world and continue to do so? My theory to why - Loss of control.

How do you get off it? I'm not a psychologist - each person is an individual with individual complexities. Some people don't require therapy to get off it, some do. And it's not a judgement, it happens to all of us in some way or form - some of us less affected than others, able to take control back, others are in more vulnerable situations.

When it comes to your Style - if you feel your style is not your style and instead you have unconsciously succumbed to what others are doing -my personal tips to helping you hop off the bandwagon are:

a) STOP before you purchase and have a deep think as to why you want it. The monkey in your brain will no doubt convince you why you need it. But hold off for a few days and see if that time will soften your desire for it and provide the answers you seek. If it is indeed something you personally love without external influences, go for it.

b) REMOVE yourself from situations for a while where you feel you will be influenced. Learn to say no to those events until you feel confident you can go and be you or/and unsubscribe from newsletters/alerts urging you to purchase. It works wonders when your inbox is not pinging every minute with items to purchase. And do regular digital detoxes - stay off SM for a day or two a week or for longer periods. As we all know SM can be harmful to your self-esteem if you are feeling vulnerable.

c) ENGAGE in NEW activities or doing something new which triggers new experiences and opens your mind to other things you've not thought of: this includes visiting different restaurants/ cafes/ suburbs/cuisines/art styles/ book genres. Learn something new, do something new.

What this does is opens your neural pathways to experimentation and hopefully to the path of confidence and rediscovering you where you won't feel the need to fit in with the norm anymore!

d) ENLIST a Stylist who will be frank with you on what looks good and what doesn't. One who helps you let go of the past and into new heights.

About Me:?I'm a personal stylist based in Sydney, travel worldwide for my clients and if in person is not possible, I conduct virtual style consultations.?I help individuals to fearlessly?express their 'visual' voice?through their style. I have an innate intuition that allows me to see what you don't about yourself. You will see when we work together, it's more about discovering or re-discovering YOU. If you want to harness your creative flair and to stand out from the rest in your own unique way, let's chat about making some 'silent' noise with your style.?

You can read more about me?here?and follow me on?IG?@stylebygessica?where you will be inspired by my style curations to commence shifting your style boundaries and shake things up.?

Stay Stylish, and if you feel you are not, I can help you Be!

Gessica