The Fear of Asking for Help

After my cancer diagnosis, one of the clinicians looked at me with gravity and said that it was imperative I spoke out about how I was feeling, that I should never be afraid to share my thoughts and fears. I took her at her word and trusted her. Five days after my first surgery she telephoned me and asked me to go back to the hospital that afternoon, the histopathology had shown greater invasion than expected. It was bad enough hearing that but the call came on a day I was feeling a bit peeved about the whole blinking cancer thing, so when she asked me if I was alright I truthfully told her that I was tearful and a bit flat. I was met with a stonewall of silence before she quickly said she'd chat with me in clinic that afternoon.

At the appointed hour my parents and I trudged across to the hospital and whilst I was being examined by the oncologist I heard the clinician I had spoken with in the morning, say to my mum (who was in a dreadful state of anxiety) that she was worried about me as I "seemed a little down." I was dumbstruck! She had falsely offered the feelings I had shared with her as her own observation and in doing so put the onus of my wellbeing onto my mum. I never trusted her again, although in a bizarre way she taught me a great lesson about fear.

During the call that the morning I believed I was being courageous but I was left feeling as though I had been hoodwinked. It resulted a heap of additional worry for my mum who then proceeded to be ever more watchful over me, quite understandably so too. Worse still it resulted in me clamming up. As my treatment went on I struggled to ask for help with cleaning and shopping because I was fearful of the response it would generate; and fear is a damn good reason for not being able to ask for 'help'. Reflecting back on my experience recently I have now introduced a new approach to my Reiki practice to circumvent this, it has become a powerful tool and I hope that in some way you might find the approach useful - if you're not already doing it.

I've noticed that when someone is struggling it is often difficult for them to put into words what they are feeling or what can be done to help them, quite often they don't know. People won't ask for Reiki because they can't find the words to ask for help; they believe they need to have a diagnosis or a clear explanation for why they are feeling out of balance, however, they don't. To overcome this I have started to ask people to simply message me #reikihelp (no other words are required) and I will start the conversation with them. The impact has been incredible. Clients are telling me that by me starting the conversation they know not to be fearful, they already know I am engaged with them, that I'm committed to helping and will not shrug them to onside or delegate their wellbeing to anyone else. Reducing the fear factor around asking for help in this way has been eye opening for me and freeing for my new clients; I shall be forever grateful to the dreadful clinician who ducked her responsibilities for showing me how to remove a barrier to progress and wellbeing.