FBI Insights: Detecting Deception and Building Rapport in Negotiations with Jack Schafer

In the latest episode of Negotiate Anything, host Kwame Christian sits down with legendary behavioral analyst and author Jack Schafer . With a rich background working in law enforcement and behavioral analysis with the FBI, Schafer brings a wealth of knowledge about human behavior and deception. The conversation explores not only the nature of deception but also how these insights can be practically applied in negotiations and everyday interactions. Below, we delve into the key topics covered in the episode, providing an in-depth look at Schafer's wisdom on negotiation, deception, and human interaction.

Understanding Deception

The Complexity of Lies

One of the foundational concepts discussed is the complexity of deception. Schafer explains that not all lies are created equal. He distinguishes between social lies (those small falsehoods we tell to maintain social harmony, such as complimenting an ugly tie) and more significant deceptions. Understanding the motivation and context behind a lie is essential:

• Intentionality: A lie is defined by an intent to deceive. Sometimes, people convey falsehoods unintentionally due to ignorance, which technically is not a lie.
• Social Lies vs. Intentional Deceit: Social lies may be technically dishonest, but they acknowledge efforts and uphold relationships.

Detecting Deception

A critical part of Schafer's expertise is spotting deception. He shares insightful methods into how our bodies and minds react to lying:

• Fight or Flight Response: When someone lies with the fear of being caught, their body enters a heightened state of anxiety, resulting in increased heart rate, sweating, and fidgeting.
• Cognitive Overload: Liars experience a cognitive overload, having to manage the lie as well as how it's being perceived. This often leads to mental strain which can manifest in verbal and non-verbal cues.

Practical Applications in Conversations and Negotiations

The Power of Open-Ended Questions

Kwame highlights how the structure of questions can significantly impact the flow of a conversation, especially in negotiation:

• Open-Ended vs. Closed-Ended Questions: Closed questions that elicit simple yes or no responses can easily be manipulated by deceptive individuals. Open-ended questions, however, require a narrative response, providing more opportunities to observe inconsistencies and deception indicators.

Elicitation Techniques

Jack emphasizes the use of elicitation—a subtle method of extracting information from someone without them explicitly realizing it:

• Presumptive Statements: Instead of directly asking a sensitive question, make a statement that assumes a fact. This often prompts the other person to correct you if you're wrong, leading them to reveal information before they can craft a lie.
• Bracketing Questions: Use a range to encourage people to correct you, thereby revealing the truth without a direct inquiry.

Non-Verbal Cues and Emotional Leaks

Schafer points out how non-verbal cues are significant in detecting deception:

• Spotlight Effect: Liars are hyper-aware of their deception, often overestimating how obvious their lie appears, leading to more visible non-verbal cues.
• Lip Purse: A subtle lip movement signaling disagreement or withholding information.

Maintaining Relationships in Negotiation

Even when deception is at play, Schafer advises maintaining a positive rapport:

• Pivot to the Positive: Instead of confronting someone directly about a lie, redirect the conversation towards a constructive solution.
• Empathic Statements: Use statements that reflect understanding and compassion to foster goodwill and keep dialogue amiable.

The Science of Being Likable

Kwame notes Schafer's work on likability—integral to successful negotiation and interaction:

• Make Others Feel Good: By focusing conversations on making the other person feel good about themselves, you're building rapport and increasing your likability.
• Empathic Statements: Structuring conversations around the other person's feelings invites openness and can lead to more fruitful exchanges.

Tips and Techniques for Everyday Interactions

Schafer offers a variety of practical techniques throughout the episode, easily applicable to daily life:

1. Elicitation in Business:
2. Verbal Techniques:
3. Negotiation Strategies:
4. Psychological Consistency:

Conclusion: Integrating Insights for Better Outcomes

Jack Schafer’s expertise provides invaluable insights into the intricacies of human behavior, deception, and successful negotiation. Understanding the nuances of deception, the role of open-ended questions, the power of elicitation, and non-verbal cues can empower individuals in both personal and professional interactions. By applying these concepts, listeners can not only enhance their negotiation strategies but also their everyday communication skills, fostering stronger, more transparent relationships.

For those looking to deepen their understanding of deception and human interaction, Schafer’s teachings act as a guide to the unspoken language of negotiation. As Kwame aptly summarizes, the goal is to navigate interactions with empathy and strategic insight, transforming challenges into opportunities for connection and agreement.

This Week on Negotiate Anything

Kwame Christian: The Unexpected Power of Admitting a Mistake - Reverse Interview by Lauren Sabo

In this episode, Kwame sits down with Lauren Sabo , an attorney specializing in education and special education law, for a reverse interview where Sabo takes the reins to explore negotiation strategies with challenging clients. The conversation delves into the intricacies of managing client expectations, recognizing the characteristics of difficult interactions, and setting effective boundaries in professional relationships.?

Key Takeaways:

• Managing Client Expectations: Kwame emphasizes the critical importance of understanding and managing client expectations upfront to avoid future conflicts. He shares insights on negotiating expectations and knowing when to walk away if misalignments occur.
• Setting Boundaries: Both discuss techniques for setting clear, respectful boundaries with clients to maintain a healthy working relationship, highlighting the importance of addressing issues promptly.
• Role of Apologies: The episode underscores the value of a well-timed apology as a tool for persuasion and relationship-building, stressing the need to acknowledge harm even when not admitting fault.

Effective Storytelling: Stop Being Nice, Start Being Clear - Amber Wright

In this episode, Kwame is joined by Amber L. Wright, Ed.D. , a communication expert, speaker, and executive life coach. Dr. Wright brings her extensive experience in effective communication to the conversation, sharing insights on the importance of storytelling in negotiation and how it serves as a bridge to build connections. This episode delves into the role of storytelling in helping individuals show up responsibly in their personal and professional interactions and emphasizes the role of preparation, confidence, and authenticity in effective communication.

Key Takeaways:

• The Power of Storytelling: Amber emphasizes the transformative power of storytelling in creating connections. By sharing genuine narratives, individuals can express themselves authentically and foster trust in negotiations.
• Showing Up Responsibly: Amber introduces the core human questions of visibility, audibility, and value. She discusses the responsibility each individual has to show up consciously and communicatively in interactions.
• Confidence Through Preparation: Confidence is earned through diligent preparation. Amber stresses that the most confident communicators are those who have thoroughly prepared and emphasizes the role of rehearsal and self-awareness in achieving communication efficacy.

Bridging Divides: Negotiation Lessons from City Leadership with Mayor Tony Roswarski & Mayor Erin Easter

In this episode, Kwame is joined by Mayor Erin Easter of West Lafayette and Mayor Tony Roswarski of Lafayette. Both leaders share insights from their extensive experience in public service, emphasizing the spirit of community collaboration and negotiation. Listeners will discover practical strategies for navigating complex conversations and fostering inclusive communities. This episode delves into negotiation techniques, community building, and the power of human connection in leadership.

Key Takeaways:

• Building Trust through Collaboration: Both mayors emphasize the power of building trust through consistent collaboration. Their efforts to cross political and community lines demonstrate that strong relationships are foundational to solving complex issues.
• Active Listening and Inclusivity: Erin and Tony reinforce that active listening is essential in understanding diverse community needs. By creating spaces where all voices are heard, they work to ensure inclusivity in policy-making.
• Incremental Progress: Tony highlights the importance of incremental progress, patience, and resilience in leadership and negotiation, acknowledging that complex issues are solved over time through persistence and adaptability.

Angela Cheng-Cimini: Mastering Difficult Conversations in HR

In this episode, Kwame engages in an insightful conversation with Angela Cheng-Cimini 鄭婷婷 , a seasoned HR professional with 30 years of experience, known for her expertise in navigating complex interpersonal dynamics within organizations. Angela shares her journey from studying HR in college to her evolving career and personal experiences. With a focus on mediation, managing difficult conversations, and fostering organizational courage, Angela offers valuable strategies and perspectives pertinent to improving workplace interactions and dynamics.

Key Takeaways:

• Navigating Difficult Conversations: Angela emphasizes the importance of focusing on shared goals and specific behaviors rather than personal dislikes during mediation. She advocates for assuming positive intent and maintaining a business-centered approach to resolve conflicts effectively.
• Promoting Accountability: In mediation, everyone involved must take some measure of accountability. Angela highlights the necessity of pre-conversation preparation, urging individuals to reflect on their contributions to conflicts before mediated discussions.
• Embracing Organizational Courage: Angela introduces the concept of organizational courage, which encourages open, direct conversations and accountability. She stresses that avoiding difficult conversations often causes more harm than addressing issues directly, thereby advocating for transparency and candor in the workplace.

The Compassionate Curiosity Framework Explained - with Kwame Christian and Lindsay Andrews

In this insightful episode of Negotiate Anything, Kwame flips the script, becoming the guest himself as he delves into his personal journey from a self-proclaimed "recovering people pleaser" to a master negotiator. Alongside Lindsay Andrews, CPSM , Kwame shares his transformation story and emphasizes the teachable nature of negotiation and conflict resolution skills. Listen in to understand how harnessing compassionate curiosity can pave the way for more successful and fulfilling interactions in both personal and professional realms.

Key Takeaways:

• Negotiation as a Skill, Not a Talent: Kwame illustrates that negotiation is a skill set that can be learned and honed over time. His journey from struggling with difficult conversations to teaching them highlights that these skills are accessible to anyone willing to learn.

• Importance of Compassionate Curiosity: The Compassionate Curiosity framework is a powerful tool that allows individuals to engage in challenging dialogues with empathy and clarity. It involves acknowledging emotions, asking open-ended questions with compassion, and working towards joint problem-solving.

• Building Confidence Through Action: Confidence in negotiation stems from taking action despite fear. Kwame emphasizes that facing difficult conversations head-on and learning from them can gradually build trust in one's abilities and foster a courageous approach.

Wies Bratby: Unveiling the Power of Negotiation for Women

In this episode, Kwame engages in an insightful conversation with Wies Bratby , the dynamic founder of Women in Negotiation (WIN) and a passionate advocate for women's empowerment in the workplace. Wies combines her expertise in law, HR, and feminism to coach women on how to successfully negotiate their careers and salaries. With a remarkable track record of success, she shares her journey, the impact of negotiation on women's professional lives, and the transformative power of raising ambition and self-worth.

Key Takeaways:

• The Importance of Negotiation Skills: Wies emphasizes that negotiation is a learnable skill, not a magical talent. By investing time and effort, women can achieve substantial improvements in their careers and salaries.
• Addressing Chronic Underpayment: The conversation underlines the widespread issue of women being underpaid and highlights how effective negotiation can help bridge the gap in recognizing their true value.
• Mindset and Confidence as Game-Changers: Wies shares that 80% of successful negotiation comes from mindset and confidence. Transforming limiting beliefs and focusing on one's value is key to achieving significant career advancements.

Unlocking Persuasion Secrets with Adele Gambardella and Kwame Christian

In this episode of Negotiate Anything, Kwame welcomes Adele Gambardella , a successful businesswoman and co-author of the book Convince Me. Adele shares insights from her diverse career journey, starting from journalism at George Magazine to PR and crisis communication. Co-founding an agency with an ex-FBI hostage negotiator, Adele delves into unique negotiation strategies that blend different disciplines.

Key Takeaways:

• The Convincing Continuum: Adele introduces a structured approach to persuasion. Instead of starting with the strongest point, begin at a point of agreement. Use fear, uncertainty, and doubt (FUD) to unfreeze cognitive biases and encourage the other party to consider new perspectives. This approach makes negotiations more effective and leads to successful outcomes.
• The Power of Targeted Validation: Targeted validation is emphasized as a powerful tool in persuasion. Unlike generic compliments, targeted validation involves highlighting specific attributes or efforts someone values in themselves. This technique fosters trust and rapport, making it an indispensable tool for negotiators.

Emotional vs. Fact-Based Convincing: Understanding your preferred persuasive style and recognizing the counterpart's preference can transform negotiations. Adele shares personal experiences demonstrating how aligning your persuasion method—be it emotional storytelling or fact-based arguments—with the audience's style increases the likelihood of success.

For more expert insights, follow Negotiate Anything on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.