FB Live Connection Day 2

Yesterday, (Connection Day 1), I talked about why I’m restarting these Facebook Lives. Honestly, I’ve been scared to address what I believe is a growing plague—our disconnection as a society. The fear was real, but it also pushed me forward, because connection is something I know a lot about. It’s my life, it rules my life. Rather than keep these thoughts to myself, here I am on Facebook Live, sharing what I’m passionate about.

I mentioned two books that have also driven me to speak up: one is called 4,000 Hours—I encourage you to find it and read it—and the other is by Chris Voss, an FBI hostage negotiator. Chris said something that struck me deeply: “Your communication system is perfectly designed to give you the outcomes you’re getting.” How true that is. We often blame others for disconnection, pointing fingers on social media, but the truth is we have to take responsibility for our side of the communication. We can’t control others, but we can make sure we’re doing our best on our end.

How do we do that you might ask? First, you need to ask yourself: What does connection mean to me? Does it even matter to you? (For me, it’s everything but that's me!).

Who or what are you connected to—your phone, your Apple Watch, your family, your friends? Connection can be with things or people, but it starts with knowing what matters most to you. Once you know, you can focus your energy there.

(Here’s a piece of advice: avoid trying to truly connect on social media. It’s not where real connection happens)

Connection begins with yourself. Spending hours scrolling social media isn’t connecting; in fact, it’s distracting yourself from meaningful self-reflection.

In the interview course I’ve taught for years, I tell people this: you only control one side of the conversation. But you must ensure that your message, your communication system, is exactly how you want it to be. From there, how the other person interprets it is up to them. And remember, social media often leads to frustration because it’s not a place for deep connection.

In the two books I'm writing and as an introduction to almost every conversation I have with others asking about me I describe myself as a 74-year-old kid from the Philly playground.

What does that mean? It’s not just about age—it’s about my roots, my values, and how I’ve learned to interact with others. The playground taught me how to get along with people, how to collaborate, and when to pick my battles. It shaped my ethos, and I carry that with me in everything I do.

So...if you're so inclined and genuinely interested in connecting with yourself, here’s a little homework: How would you describe yourself in 15 words or less? Knowing who you are and how you connect to yourself gives others something real to relate to.

And finally, consider this: what do people think when you walk away from an interaction with them? What do you want them to think? That you’re smart, thoughtful, fun? When you know what you want to happen, you can start thinking about how to make it happen.

Connection is vital. I encourage you not to isolate, not to let the noise of news and social media pull you into despair. There are good people out there—more than we might think. Find those people. Be yourself. We’re all an acquired taste, but when you put yourself out there and seek real dialogue, you’ll find the world is far richer than it seems right now. Thanks for tuning in. Stay safe, and keep your conversations going.

https://youtu.be/swaC0lwOHH4?si=6idHxUfPaodCz4IU