In Favor of Silent Retreats

Welcome back to the Amplify Emotional Intelligence newsletter. Twice a month, I’ll share advice and inspiration to help you develop emotionally intelligent leaders and transform your company culture. Together, we can #amplifyei and create more belonging.

In my work as an emotional intelligence coach, I talk often about the tool Pause-Process-Pick. By inserting space between an experience and our reaction to it, we can choose how we respond to something rather than falling into autopilot and regretting it later. Pause-Process-Pick is especially useful in conflict management , but it’s also a way of connecting to the moment and fostering self-awareness throughout all parts of life. Most people stay so busy they never give themselves time to just pause and take in life as it’s unfolding.?

It’s an ongoing, intentional effort to slow down and show up in the present moment. Whenever I can, I look for opportunities to emphasize and lengthen that moment of pause, and I’ve fallen in love with silent retreats for this purpose. By eliminating outside distractions like noise and screens, silent retreats encourage you to spend time with yourself in the here-and-now.? It’s more than just unplugging—it’s like giving yourself permission to power down for a period of time.

I have done several silent retreats, and always find them challenging, restorative, and rewarding. They give me a needed break from my fast-paced schedule and distance from the temptation to always be connected, engaged, and responsive. They afford me a chance to instead connect with nature and stillness.

To make the most of my time away, I like to set an intention for each retreat. My last retreat was just weeks ago, and I used it to check-in with my goals, reflect on my values , and ensure that I’m aligning my actions with the things that matter to me the most in this season. I took long walks, meditated beside a waterfall, and enjoyed complete rest in a hammock. I had all the time in the world to reflect and be with myself.

Some silent retreats included guides, but my latest experience was self-guided. I enjoyed the chance to decide what would serve me best each day. Through self-compassionate reflection, I deciphered what I needed in the moment and stayed open to whatever might arise while in contemplative conversation with myself.?

On one mindful morning hike, I felt moved by the large and exposed roots of the trees on my path, which acted as stairs helping me climb up and down through the woods. I used them to steady myself, navigate the hilly patches, and get through the muddy spots. I was walking along the path and noticing their support when it hit me—our self-reflection and inner questions are like the roots that support our life’s journey. I thought about the power of “Why?” and the way this question drives us to understand our deepest intentions. The more I asked why—the steadier I climbed on the roots—the deeper I went into my life’s path. Each step and each question revealed more clarity about where I was headed and what was driving me there.?

The more I dug, the more I realized that the very process of reflection exposes the support we need to move forward. As I thought about the next steps for my business and shifting relationships, I felt a profound sense of connection, support, and alignment with nature. It was a beautiful reminder that when we take time to pause and reflect, we not only find clarity but also the strength to confidently take the next step.

Unplugging is hard to do, but it’s important to give ourselves permission to do so. We can’t always be available to answer emails, take calls, or show up for others. We need to designate time that’s just about showing up for ourselves. Sometimes stepping out of our daily routine is the best way to facilitate that space. Silent retreats serve this purpose with the added encouragement of self-reflection and slowing down.??

I frequently get asked about my silent retreat experiences—and after hearing about them, most people tell me “I need that.” This level of unplugging calls to a lot of people. So many of us crave a space where we can reflect and connect with ourselves undisturbed. Who here is up for a silent (or quiet-ish!) retreat? Keep your eyes peeled for more to come…

As a board-certified leadership coach, keynote speaker, and facilitator, Patrice B. Borders, the “EI Amplifier,"? combines her employment law and human capital practices to help organizations and individuals develop resonant leaders, collaborative teams, and inclusive workplace cultures. Get in touch with inquiries about keynotes and executive coaching, and stay connected by following #amplifyei .