Faulty Beliefs Pt. 1: What Your Wife or Partner Really Wants of You

When you're in the art and science of coaching, you come to understand something very interesting. It's a pattern I've noticed with the business leading guys I've worked with.

That is that guys deflect from truth, reality, and responsibility a lot more than they realise when they come up against uncertainty and discomfort related to themselves, thus they comfort themselves with a reasonable excuse so that they don't feel guilty or 'bad'.

But the EXTRA interesting part is… what they say actually turns out to be more often than not the exact opposite of reality. And this always, always, always, shows up when my guys go through a coaching transformation.

I'm going to give you various examples over the next few issues.

Let's start with one of the more complex:

What Your Wife or Partner Really Wants of You:

Ed, is a 42 year Aussie, Chief Financial Officer for a large New York based business, and father of 2 young children. He and his wife both work highly demanding roles - you might even say, they are 'succesful'.

We spoke last year about changing his health trajectory and we soon got to work. As of right now, he's 14.1 kg's down (or 31 lbs if you prefer). What was interesting was that after finishing the first 12 week period we did together (results shown below), we had a conversation about continuing work and bigger goals.

During that conversation he said something. He told me that he and his wife had already spoken about it and she wanted him to continue working with me! She was encouraging him to continue. It heard it, I remembered it, but I didn't pay much attention at the time… and then……

..I heard it again, from David, another client. And this experience was even more intriguing because David's wife wasn't entirely on board and din't really understand what we were doing together when we began coaching. Take note here, because to David's credit, he took responsibility for bettering himself knowing that his wife wouldn't understand right there and then and that it was his decision.

It was only after around 8-10 weeks of coaching that David's wife appreciated the importance of the investment he'd made and the coaching work we were doing, to the point that she now was supportive and encouraging him to continue working with me. Why?

Because she saw her husband becoming a better man. She was reaping the spill over rewards from his rewards.

Seeing is believing. And so is feeling.

So here's the faulty belief I'm getting at here. One of the biggest barriers many coaches like myself come across when speaking with prospect clients is the idea of needing to check with their partner before investing in themselves as if somehow their partner is going to comprehend, understand, and feel what they feel. In reality, that's not possible, not without some wizardry whereby you and your partner can swap your body's and minds over.

All your partner gets is the following:

"It's going to cost ￡XXXX to work with some unknown dude you met on the internet [that she doesn't know] that you'll speak to once a week…".

……yeah, I'm sure she's going to buy into that without all sorts of her own limiting beliefs coming into play. Good luck. ??

And then the other side of this is that your partner does not actually want to take responsibility for your betterment. Or for the investments you make in your self-improvement. They may appreciate that you value their opinion, but that 1. doesn't solve the problems, and 2. isn't what they want the most. Do you know what your partner really, truly, deeply wants more than that?

……for you to be healthy, energised, and for you to take control.

Your partner wants you to take responsibility and step the f*ck up. She or they won't tell you that in a simple conversation, because of course that's a much deeper, sub-conscious, instinctual and innate desire. So they'll give you a surface level answer, and it won't be the on you want, so then you'll stay stuck because you haven't stepped into your masculine and taken responsibility for yourself like Ed and David did, whereby you're then forced to prove why you made the decision you did.

Instead here's what happens, you're forced to look at low value, low success-rate, unpersonalised alternatives - similar to the ones you might have already tried - that suits your partners expectations and internal beliefs instead of your feelings, knowledge and beliefs.

Who's body is this?

Who's mind is this?

Who's investment is this?

Who's name is it on the prescription drugs?

Let me help you out…

YOURS.

So here's the big point, next time you speak with a coach about making some big improvements to your life, instead of deflecting responsibility to your marital partner when the subject of investment comes up, put your big boy pants on, and take responsibility.

Ps, here's Ed and David to share their thoughts with you.

If you want to grab 10 minutes with me, click here and find yourself a gap in my calendar.

Until next time.

- Ryan

visit: TheInspiredLeaderProject.com