Father's Day reflection - collaboration, love & vulnerability on Homeward Bound 3

There were many tears from participants throughout the Homeward Bound voyage – tears of joy, frustration, laughter, passion and vulnerability that come when we stand up and say what we haven’t had the courage to say before. Throughout the voyage, I was emotionally moved from watching other people speak and share their stories. As a member of the leadership team, I was able to remain emotionally contained and focussed to deliver and achieve what we as a team were there to do. Little did I know what would lay ahead.

On our last night of Homeward Bound, as I was preparing for the final closing dinner in Ushuaia, I called my husband, Iain, back home in Australia. We chatted and caught up on the news from home and the experience of crossing the Drake Passage. He asked me to call him again after the dinner. I detected an urgency in his voice, but I was so caught up in the moment, that I didn’t ask why? He kept the news he had to share to himself and let me go off to celebrate the final night of the Homeward Bound program.

The night was a joyful celebration of our Homeward Bound journey. It was filled with fun, love and laughter. The perfect finale to a journey in which we all came back stronger and wiser together. The power of the cohort could not be attributed to one, it was the power and voice of many.

After dinner as I was taking the last few steps to my room, I remembered to call my husband back home. Nothing could have prepared me for what was to follow. Iain answered and I found out that he was in my father’s respite room with my family. They were supporting him in his final days of life. It was not totally unexpected news, but it still came as a shock to me. I had no idea that when my husband asked me to call him earlier in the day that this was the reason why. I felt great sadness that I was not with my family in my fathers’ final moments and felt alone and isolated.

Fortunately, I was able to talk to my father ‘face to face’ from afar. I saw his eyes light up as I told him about some of the highlights of the trip including the crossing of the Drake Passage with 12 metre waves. I asked him to hang in there for 2 more days until I returned home so I could see him one more time. Deep in my heart, I knew that this could be the last opportunity for me to say goodbye to him. I went back to my room with a heavy heart and slept restlessly with my mind reliving that last conversation.

The next morning, I had to meet Christiana Figueres  and Fabian Dattner early for one last interview before we all departed. I didn't want to get up and do it but my deep sense of commitment got me out of bed to greet them at breakfast. The minute I met them I started to cry.  Fabian hugged me and allowed me to shed my tears of emotion. At this stage, I knew my father was still alive, but I didn’t know for how much longer.

It was at this moment, that Christiana joined us and gave me her parting gift from the heart when I was vulnerable and needed it the most. She held my hands and asked me a question - "If I was to visualize my father as a tree in the most beautiful garden what would he be?" How did I wish to remember him in that garden? I described how I saw my father as a tall, old tree. An Oak Tree came to mind, one that stood tall but did not stand out. It was surrounded by far more beautiful and visible trees than him. My father was often the one in the background doing what had to be done for others but not always visible.

I have since learnt that the mighty oak tree is a symbol of power and strength. Legend has it that it is the most powerful of all trees and the mighty oak stands strong through all things. It is robust in nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, keeps its feet on the ground and person of action. Just like my father.

What happened next was teamwork at its best a true collaborative effort. The entire Homeward Bound 3 faculty team stepped in and managed the packing up of our 18 program suitcases and our exit from the hotel. I was in a daze from the emotion of the last 12 hours but felt fully supported and was able to show my vulnerability to the team.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see my father again, he passed away when I was an hour away from landing in Melbourne. It is with great sadness that I did not get to see him again but I’ll be forever grateful that I got to speak to him that night in Ushuaia.

What I learnt from this life changing experience can be succinctly covered in the following Brené Brown quotes:

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness” and “We don’t have to do all of it alone. We were never meant to.”

Michelle Crouch

#vulnerability #courage #collaboration #womeninleadership #strongertogether

Dattner Grant Compass - Visionary Leadership for Women Homeward Bound Projects