Father's Day - A letter to my father in the heaven

It has been over four months since you passed away. I’ve been trying not to miss you every day during this time. It's been incredibly hard to accept that you’re no longer here, being my shield and armor since my childhood. I know you'll always be with me in my heart. Today is Father’s Day, and I miss you so much. My heart is broken as I write this letter to you on a quiet afternoon.

Life is as busy as ever for me. It’s the usual routine: work, meetings, more meetings, kids, and family. You were always curious about my job, wondering how well I was doing and how my colleagues and bosses treated me. Were they nice to me or mean to me? You worried about me being bullied in the United States and how life was for me as an outsider. You often said, that if things didn’t work out, we could always go back to China.

By August 21st, it will be eight years since I decided to move the family to the U.S. to carry on our family's legacy, just as you did for us when I was a child. In these eight years, I’ve worked incredibly hard to “survive” and “thrive” here.

I think I’ve done well by my standards. Changing my first job in the U.S. gave me confidence. Now, I have a bigger responsibility at one of the world’s largest and best companies. It’s surreal to think about my journey from a small mountain village in rural Southwest China, where I was the only kid to graduate from high school and attend college. You and Mom always treated me like a genius, even though I only got into an ordinary college after a second attempt.

My team has grown from a few people to dozens over the years. Every day presents new challenges and learning opportunities from some of the world's best talents. It’s a blessing and a gift. I recently received a great manager survey from my team and supervisors, boosting my confidence in my leadership and management style. You always taught me to appreciate and stay humble.

Yes, I am living a comfortable life—a good job, good pay, a wonderful family, a big house, and a great community. I’m enjoying the so-called “American Dream” and freedom, being a good resident, and helping others. The world is crazy these days, but remembering my past as a poor teenager who took a 30-hour train ride to college without a seat and didn’t want to spend $3 on lunch, I have no complaints about my current life.

I think you’d love to hear all this. It would make you feel proud. I had so many plans for us when you were still here. I wanted us to travel the world together, enjoy life, and strengthen our father-son bond. But now, all those achievements and glory feel meaningless. Sometimes I question the meaning of everything I own today.

I know you miss Haoran and Anran. Haoran is 14 this summer and stands six feet tall like me. He graduated from junior high school this week. You would be so happy and proud of him. He’s doing well, and becoming more disciplined, even though we have our rough moments. He’s started cross-country running, clocking dozens of miles each week, and avoids foods with added artificial sugar—no ice cream or donuts, which were his favorites.

Anran is growing up fast. We continue to play tennis, and she loves it. At nine and a half, she can compete with kids up to 12 and even some less-trained high schoolers. We're going to New York in September, hoping for good results so she can play at the national level. Anran also enjoys lacrosse and scores in nearly every game. She’s living a true American life and is happy.

I wonder how you are in heaven. Is it a better place? It must be. Do you have friends around? Are you getting used to your new life? When I last visited Senior Uncle, he shared a mysterious experience about being rejected by the angel of death because he wasn’t yet qualified. He described it vividly, and I listened carefully. It seems you can still chat with people from our village and friends. That’s comforting to know.

When it’s windy and rainy, I worry about you being cold and lonely. Mom shared a video of your tomb with me; it looks great. We hope you’re satisfied with it. I look forward to visiting you in China. I’ll keep you posted once my schedule is finalized.

I promise to take good care of the family as you did. So, no worries. I’ll write to you again on your birthday. Have a good day.

Yes, I miss you so much. Happy Father’s Day.

Love always,

June 2022