Father's Day Letter

Dhaka, Bangladesh

16 June 2024 ????????

My Dear Children,

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Fear has permeated in my mind as to how long I shall survive to tell you the truths of life! Candidly speaking I have also defied many of the ground rules and realities in my life. I have never received a letter from my father on the eve of Father’s Day. Because, during our time internet was not commonly available and the significance of the day was not known to the people. As the years are moving faster than the days, I think I should leave some advices for you on this special day. Needless to say, grasping advices on “success” is never an interested issue at your age. Yet, as father, I am to do this thankless job. The reason is very obvious ... I love you a lot and like to live (after my death) through you who will carry my legacy. People will blame or credit me for your works and achievements. Even after death, I shall not be spared. I have travelled a difficult life-road with full of twist and turns (you know well) and achieved a reasonable success as Army General but do not claim to do the best one could do it. However, on this special day, let me talk to you how I have seen my life, from my perspective provided you may be benefitted.

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1. Health, Happiness and success are your choice.??About health, you need to take care. No amount of money can relive your pain. No one can share your pain as well. Listen to Steve Job’s remarks on health issue. This is your affairs. A sound mind in a sound health. Health is like a machine. Keep it functional and you will enjoy your life. Secondly, happiness differs from individual to individual with varying perception. You need to draw the “happiness line” by yourself while taking account of your own strength and limitations. Do not get perturbed and disheartened by seeing the possession of materialistic wealth like big houses, latest model cars of others. Money cannot ensure and buy happiness. It may be one of the important elements only. Happiness is otherwise a state of mental condition. So, create an enabling environment to be happy by yourself. Do not run after happiness. You cannot catch happiness. Lastly, now if I talk about success, it has no boundaries. Many people define it in different ways. I have understood that success lies in your heart. If you can really burn all your potentialities out to follow your passion, you become successful. Without passion none could be successful. See the case of Alva Edison, Leonardo Vince and many more. You need to have a burning desire. Unless you are mad to do impossible to possible you cannot get success. No one can see or define your success unless you feel so. Marconi, the inventor of the radio, was put into prison but yet he perused for his success of invention. And continued till he was satisfied that “Yes he did it”.

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2. Getting into a good educational institution cannot ensure success.?When the result of public exam is out, you have noticed some one securing the top position from a remote place, from relatively unknown educational institute away from the capital. What does it mean? It is all about “laser beam focus” to make the best use of own capability. I do not negate the requirement of going to good institution. I want to mean that whatever the good quality of a car, the performance will depend on the driver’s skill. Today, when I look back, I can take account of my friends who are washed away or deflected by the floods of life complexities. Even the good college like mine could not ensure their formidable position in the society. It rests on to the individual and his dedicated consistent efforts. Teachers in the school and colleges try to kindle the light in you but you need to burn using your hidden potential source of energy like wax. Similarly, a coach only teaches the players as to how to play a game but he never participates in the competition. So, the educational institution will provide you the launching pad, you need to jump up. It is your responsibility. ?

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3. Make every day accountable.?You will never come back to this world for the second time. You can pass present time by watching movie, hanging out with your friends, engaging with social media (more attractive than sweets) or you could sleep making precious time completely unproductive. ?Even you are not liking it, I am sure you will assess the passion of your father in the days to come. I am making my time worthy to write to you. You will be able to tell your kids about their grandfather. At least the time you spent today is not classically meaningless or wasted. I do not tell you to study all the time. I tell you to make use of your time items-wise in segments meaningful and accountable. Allot time proportionately basing on the merit of your work. Everyone in this world has the same amount of time but it differs only utilization. Failures only understand too late but cannot rally go back. With time there is no rewind button. Playing, spending time with friends and families, preparing for your assignment are obvious and you need it. These are routine affairs. In doing these you will only manage your life. But, to be successful, you are required to make a move towards your ultimate goal. Just remember that all movements are not progress. There is a difference between acceleration and retardation. Even if you do not work for a single day that means you are making a negative move, you are losing in the battle of competition. Your competitors are working right at that time. Stephen R Covey rightly pointed out,” The key is not spending time, but in investing it” in his great book “Time Management Matrix”. Utilize your time in a manner that it becomes investment and not expense. Before going to bed at night, close your eyes and ask yourself whether you have made the best use of your time and progressed towards your goal. Your heart will tell you ... it will never tell you lie. Hardly anyone one does it. We mostly scroll the devices and do not even like to sleep till the time eyes are completely exhausted and tired enough. That is the danger of present day. We start the day mostly without planning and ultimately try to blame parents, surroundings, colleges, friends and family when encounter failure.

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4. Do not fear about success but fear about not to fail. When you climb on a tree, you can understand how important it is to hold on. As you move to a new height your vulnerability of falling down increases with the resultant impact of injuries. ?Life is also like that. As you grow older your responsibility and success parameters are also becoming critically important. Failing at the later stage of life will have more consequences. Incur the sense of fear of failing right from the start of any work... You MUST not fail due to lack of dedication. As you know, I have started from a humble background and did not leave any stone unturned, not to leave my first position in the class whatever the case might be. My uncompromising attitude gave me an edge over others to top in my class and subsequently I got the monument to roll on to a position where you can see me now. Many a time, I got up from bed at midnight with a fear “if I cannot do it?”. Just to share one of my life experiences... When I was a young captain at Kholahati Cantonment (Rangpur), I decided to appear for the Gunnery Staff Course and was required to attend the competitive exam. It was a huge pressure of study but could not take leave from the office. So, generally I had to burn my midnight fuel. I rolled down my bed and put it at the corner of the room. I slept on the floor for six months till the exam was over. I even did not open the letter from my mother with a fear if it would contain any bad news! I left my comfort zone on the bed with a fear to fail and fail to prove myself. Finally, I could make it and today carry the insignia “G” after my name. For you, you are the children of a Major General who dedicated his entire life for the cause of making his life worthy to be lived based on honesty and integrity. I am clear to myself. You have hardly any scope to blame anyone less your parents... but believe me, we have tried our best to offer you the best possible platform to excel. Rest are our limitations and your responsibilities in deed. When we shall not be in the world, please do remember ... parents never hesitate to make sacrifice for their kids. Sooner you internalize this fact, the better.

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5. No one counts from where you have started, every one counts the result.?You know many of the great leaders like Abram Lincoln, A P J Abdul Kalam, Prime Minister Narendra Modi and President Draupadi Murmu of India among many have started from a background not bright enough. By dint of their absolute hard work and passion to be great, they made them really great. They were completely focused on their purpose disregarding the criticism, rejection and inconvenience. Recent study shows that more than 80% of the CEO of multinational companies had starting points below the expected level. So, recharge yourself with a feeling that your works will prove your identity and nothing else. After the age of 25 no one will ask you “where are you from?” People will ask you, “Where are you?” The answer to this question will truly define you. Please be prepared “to show and not tell”.

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6. Control your thoughts and emotions.?Our mind is like a “monkey mind”. You know the habit and characteristics of a monkey. Monkey is very restless in most of the time. They move swiftly from one branch to another of a tree. You need to settle down and be cool in taking decision. In a day, there are as many as sixty two thousands of thoughts generated in a human brain and only a portion is acted upon. Wild and unrealistic thoughts need to be removed. Too many ideas and disjointed ideas are likely to clutter your brain. You will be confused and exhausted and lose your energy to take concrete action plan if you do not have control on this issue. Same phenomenon goes to the case of emotions. As you are passing an age of high climax when very obviously you will be overcharged with emotions and strong feelings. This will be particularly important in case of love affairs and making relationship with opposite sex. I must caution you that due to love affairs and over emotion many people dug their own trench of life and were down trodden in quick sand. They failed to make a balance and obey the rules of game of life. You can understand, when the referee is compelled to show red card to a player to make him out of field. When the player breaks the rule completely, he is no more allowed to play. The bottom line is.. to keep the thoughts and emotion simple at the initial stage of embroiling. I know it would appear to be very difficult in many situations but you need to handle them with absolute care. Try to remember that excess of anything is bad.

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7. Success is not the absence of failure but your response to failure will determine how far you will go. Life is not a bed of roses. We start failing since our childhood when started to walk, riding bicycle and so on. We have managed those situations even much without help. But, now? we do not take the issue seriously those matter in life. Trying for once or twice we leave it altogether thinking that we are on a wrong path. But every failure teaches us a lesson and open a new window of success. Here lies the crux of success. In life, if you do not take the failure as a lesson, you will never be able to make a great success. Believe me, those have not failed they have not tried on a new agenda and eventually they lived a simple and average life. Do you want that? After every failure, deduce the outcome and lessons learned, define new modality and press on with new zeal and enthusiasm. Opportunity always lies in the challenges. Here the support of family and friends are very important. Avoid every one if not aligned with your perception and belief. See beyond the boundary with your imagination where vision of others is restricted.

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8. Find your own passion and do not copy others.?Do not try to be the best in copying others. The second man like Steve Jobs, Jack Ma and Bill Gates will never come to the world. There is no second copy of yours in the universe though many of the people may look alike but certainly different. Finger print is the testimony of this singularity. So, think identically in a different shape to be great. It is easy to follow an established road but in doing so, you cannot draw the attention of the world. You just travel only.

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9. Keep your goal written on a piece of paper and see it every day. Really, life is a constant journey and not a destination. You cannot completely relax in a life with a big dream hidden in your heart. Only saints can do that keeping themselves stationed in jungle and away from habitation. Make a SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timely) goal, write it down on a piece of paper and see it in every morning. This will remind you .... why you will take pain in life and what you are looking for. The “why” of your action has to be clear to you. Unless you do that, you will fail to keep the momentum. Prioritize your work in “to-do-list” where you should put first thing first. Unless you do it, you will only be tired of work but not gaining significantly. Consequently, you will be demotivated as well to keep the tempo of your work.

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10. Time is the best healer. You will be rejected, disheartened and doomed even if you are doing perfect things required for any assignment. Do not lose patience. With the passage of time, it will be perfect. It will follow the natural course. God ensures that all pains are erased after some time. Otherwise, you see how we forget the demise of our loved ones and continue with the normal flow of work. In case of critical anxiety, discomfort and above all mental stress, try to swim with the time flow. You will see the light after the dark night. This is a very important issue I shall request you to remember ingrained in your heart ... nothing is permanent in life.

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11. Friends are very important but not always. You should always count quality and not quantity. There is no permanent friend or permanent enemy. So, please keep the core issues or very personal information within you and do not ever leave your guard. This is especially important when working on the issue of financial interest of both ends. Your weak points will be used against you. So, take care. I am not telling to be selfish but to be careful what should be shared and what not to be. Make a balance.

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12. Never get flooded with so many advice and be confused. If required, fall back to authenticated literature. Take decision at the appropriate moment. Paralysis by analysis should be avoided. Select the mentor appropriately. Get advice but take decision by yourself. Anything has different perception from different angle. So, the result will depend entirely on your judgement and involvement.

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13. Wait for the perfect time. You should know the yield season. Golden egg cannot be generated overnight. Avoid eleventh hour rush. Have a comprehension plan. Speed must never compromise the quality and accuracy. To understand the perfect time... read a lot on the issue you like to handle and get help from a mentor. Do not hurry up to get overnight success and result. Have patience. Avoid multi-tasking unless you are competent to do so. Multitasking will take away your energy when you have to do it by yourself. I do understand this philosophy will be negated over the time when you will be expert to handle many issues at one time. But wait for that time of being very proficient.

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14. Gratitude is the artery of happiness. This is an intangible issue which you cannot see but feel it in your heart. Compare yourself with other oppressed, down trodden and under privileged persons. This will render a feeling in your heart that almighty has given you enough. You could be born in a family who would fail to support your dream. Or even untold story of misery could be formed in your life. You are physically and mentally okay... that is the greatest gift from Almighty Allah. Nothing can stop you provided you remain grateful with whatever you have. This kind of attitude will offer you a sense of mental satisfaction and fuel you to propel further. Even in the case of hard days you should think that “Almighty has a different good plan for you and you need to have that faith in Him”.

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15. Believe in yourself.?Not all people are similar in the world. Allah does not close all the door and maybe you will find difficulties to see the door to go out. Confidence is not a quality to born with. You have to acquire it like starting walking since childhood. Skill is the foundation stone of confidence. Invest time and energy to upskill your capability which will ultimately generate confidence. If you do not have confidence in you, nobody will have it. Likewise, I have tremendous faith, belief and confidence in you ..... one day you will make us proud. You do not need to retain 100% confidence; you will need to “Dare to dream Big and do it”. As you move on, automatically you will get confidence out of momentum. Confidence remains dormant and flame up with the work and achievement.

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16. What you are in the dark that is your quality. Many people will roll on, in droves, on an easy path. You are likely to adopt short cut way... all has done it before as well. The degree of adopting the easy route and its magnitude will determine the graph of your success. My old days in BMA (Bangladesh Military Academy) was simply terrifying but I did continue with hard work even no one has seen it. On the roof top at winter night, I cried very often and every time I was recharged with new strength and energy. Among all the character traits this is my favorite one. Do not ever work in “eye-contact” because you will be exposed at the critical time. You will be paid for your quality even it is too late. Have faith.

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17. Do not run after money, money will follow you. Expend every penny judiciously. You retain strength when money is in your own pocket. No one can really help you permanently. Someone will show you some sympathy for some time and one day they will even block your phone number to avoid embracement. With my experience, I have not seen anyone who could enjoy their money that is earned in an unethical manner. Instead of focusing on to the monetary issue, focus on the job to be done efficiently and intelligently which are “value added”. People make a mistake in handling this fact. They remain very focus on earning money at any cost and thereby lose judgement.

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18. Be genuinely interested in others affairs. People can read you from different angle. Do not make double standard which varies from person to person. Have respect to others opinion and comments even if you do not agree. Be a good listener at all time. Never try to prove that you know better than others by snatching the other’s speech. Just wait for your turn to comment. Give a patient hearing to the loved one which will mean that you like him or her and value it. This is a very important tool to inter connect with others heart.

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19. Do not ever make a false front. Do not be cunning. Today or tomorrow, you will get caught. It is matter of time only. Accept the truth with even difficulties. Avoid criticizing anyone in their absence. If you do that, one day you will be subjected to criticism as well. Make your point very clear and do not keep the people in confusion. This is particularly important when someone has come to you for some help. “Yes”, “No” should be the answer. ?

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20. Create your own standard. ?You will be known among your friends and family members with a standard which is created over the period. On this perception, you have hardly any control. ?your behavior and above all core character traits are reflected. Do you know that I have a standard in my friend’s circle? “Punctual and to the point”. I never get late in any events and never hesitate to make a candid opinion wherever required without being prejudice. I shall request you to be unique in quality character trait which you will never compromise. Never do anything half-hearted. People value the standards like honesty, integrity, hardworking, punctuality and above all humanity. As you grow older, you will understand the value of this intangible character traits. Be a man of value and earn the respect from others.

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21. When you have nothing to do and you cannot control the situation... fire and forget.?There are many situations and events on which you have no control. Things of hassles and inconveniences appear even from an unexpected direction. You should hope for the best but prepare for the worst to meet any eventualities in life. Your reaction to a problem is more counted than that of the problem itself. Your success will largely depend on how do you tackle the situation. You must not leave any scope to try your best. But even it goes wrong, do not blame yourself. It is the act of God. Many people break down and cannot bear the shock of set back and failure. You need to be mentally robust enough to withstand the pressure and the weight of unknown factors. Always find positivity even in negative outcome. This will take you above the cloud and you will find a new ray of hope with your steadfast attitude.

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22. Be clear to yourself.?Not everyone will like you and you are not required to satisfy everyone as well. Whatever you do, you should find true pleasure out of that. In case of critical situation, you may avoid being trapped. In a society like ours, we tend to analyze how other people will judge us. We pass most of our time to hear the voice of others who will define us. This is absolutely wrong. Look around the world who has created something different, they were not bothered who told what. They were absolutely clear to their purpose. I personally was subjected to many criticisms and even today could not be out of that.

23. There is no free lunch. You have to pay the price for everything. Freedom is not free. Newton’s third law on motion goes like... “every action has its equal and opposite reaction”. As you pay the price you get the item whether it is food or anything. The underline meaning of this... you need to pay a price for everything. For success you are required to go out of comfort zone and have a burning desire with absolute positive mind set.

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24. Make a simple plan.?Do not unnecessarily complicate your life. Be firm in taking decision ... terminate the relation which is likely to give you pain in later stage of your life. Simplicity is the best option. I can understand as you will grow up, you are likely to be caught in complexities. Do not worry. Everyone has the experience of handling it. But if you can hold your temptation to get things overnight, you can win the battle in any field. The complexities start in our mind first. It appears in our mind in the form of perfectionist attitude, personal ego, not ready to accept failure, over thinking and fear of criticism. You cannot be simple overnight. It is a long-term practice and is reflected in all the speres of your activities.

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25. Try to go above the cloud where there is no turbulence.?Give your full potentials to reach up to that point where you will encounter less competition. At that level of excellence, you will not find many of your friends. Because, they have left you on the way up when you were burring your fuel to take off like, the air craft when it leaves the ground with full power. It is all about survival of the fittest. You may have sympathy for your friend who could not follow you but you should not remain with them under the cloud sympathetically.

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26. Slow and steady wins the race. Focus on continuous improvement. In all situation, maintain self-discipline. The biggest mistake in life that we think we have time. But the reality is different. Time is absolutely limited. Needless to say, that the tortoise could beat the rabbit in the race because of consistency. Without time bound plan you will only waste your time and energy. Deadline is the ultimate source of inspiration generated out of accomplishment.

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27. Enjoy your present time. Past has gone by; future is uncertain and present is the reality. Everything in life is temporary. So, if things are going well, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. And if things are going bad, don’t worry; it can’t last forever either. Allocate time judiciously for all issues. This time allocation technique will seriously add value to your work and output. Remember with average hard work you cannot get high average or excellent result. Imperfection is perfect. Do not be afraid to fail repeatedly. Glass is half full or half empty... your interpretation only. Be the master of your destiny. Start today and enjoy the journey to be great and feel happy.

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28. Always keep your reading materials, thoughts, friends and associations on track.?It is your duty. Read the autobiography of the people of your interest who has created the history. These lessons will help you to navigate the difficult path of your life. Though all the problems may not be the same, yet you will get the clue to find out what exactly required to be done. Where you will focus, your energy will flow. Likewise, select reading materials of self-growth with your chosen fields carefully, make your thoughts robust enough to grasp the lessons out of your literature and do not get yourself waste away with influence of toxic friends. If you fail to keep all the issues, you will have to pay a heavy price in life when no time will be available for recuperation. In this connection I shall ask you to write journals everyday where you shall be able to express your feelings. You shall enjoy your life because it will act like cleaning the dirty from clothes with detergent. Creating this habit is not easy. But start from today. You may not show it to others, yet will get satisfaction.

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29. Be comfortable in uncomfortable situation. ?It is tough to go up and only tougher can do it. Unless you break the cocoon of comfort, it is almost impossible to climb up the ladder of success. You cannot rely on the mercy of luck. Einstein once said, “Luck id 1% and 99% is the hard work that bring success.” So, set your mind to accept the hardship and be comfortable. Likewise, remember the great words of Steve Job…. Be hungry and be foolish to upskill and learning things those matter your growth. Be selfish for personal growth. Many people will try to hold you back in their circle. You need to know to avoid them and be selfish in many situations.

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30. Have complete knowledge on geography and basic political history. Unless you have this knowledge of the map and geography, you will feel incompetent and blind. You will fail to dominate any gathering. It is very important to understand the world affairs at large. You should spend at least 5-10 minutes time looking at the world map and world affairs.

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31. Take responsibility of your responsibility.?Do not embrace short term pleasure for long term pain. Today, I can recollect the book of Brianna Wiest named “The Mountain is Yours” where he wrote, “You?were responsible for holding your life back, and so you are you are also capable of moving it forward.”

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32. You should remember four words for making your life... concentration, consistency, patience and positive attitude. I have repeatedly explained these four words which you can remember, I hope. Even you do not believe those, please do keep these in your heart. Because, this is my philosophy I did learned through my sweats and hard works. You can take help of the digital platform like “YouTube” to learn more on those issues but follow them please.

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With immense love...... Baba

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