Father's Day Appreciation

I don’t know how many of you think about legacy, but I enjoy writing on LinkedIn because it offers me a chance to share thoughts on a number of different topics that I can leave behind. There’s no guarantee that any of this stuff will be around 20 or 30 years from now, but I’d like to think that my kids would have some sort of digital history from me that extends beyond the stuff I clog up Facebook or Instagram with.

For any of you that have seen my writing you know at least two things about me – make that three – 1. I like to ride a bicycle. 2. I like music (mainly the classic rock variety) and 3. I’ve been in job search for an insane amount of time. Let me add one more that’s pertinent to today. I’m a faithful listener of relationship therapist Dr. Laura Schlessinger, PhD and the Dr. Laura Show (SiriusXM Channel 111). Stripped of commercials I catch it the following morning when I’m out on a bike ride. The relationships that children have with their fathers comes up frequently. I hear about good dads, bad dads, abusive ones, neglectful ones, demanding ones, caring ones, disappearing ones, etc. Listening to all of the callers brings me back to reflect on my own father (in a positive way).

Five years ago I wrote about my dad and published it here on LinkedIn. I used the Foo Fighter’s song, “He’s My Hero, He’s Ordinary”, which was a song written by Dave Grohl as a celebration of the common man and his extraordinary potential. I’m not sure that I looked at my dad as my hero, but with plenty of time under my belt, and being a father of two adult children I have grown to appreciate my dad’s time here on the planet. The contributions he (or any dad for that matter) made were not the type that brought fame or notoriety, but he would be proud knowing that he has had a hand in a family that can account for two children, four grandchildren, five great grandchildren (and a sixth on the way!).

The Later Years

My dad left this earth on April 4, 2005 at the age of 75 (a couple of months shy of 76). Not exactly young, but certainly not old by today’s standards. By early 2005 his quality of life was poor. Parkinson’s Disease was diagnosed when he was in his late 50's. Dementia and Alzheimer’s took up residence when he was in his mid-late 60's. He spent his last five years in assisted living. I was fortunate to see him one last time before he passed. My mom had given me the call, and there was something that told me I needed to come back (I was in the Boston area at the time). As it turned out he passed away shortly after I ended my visit.

Hardscrabble Life

I will preface this by saying that this is my interpretation. Dad never shared much, and even mom doesn’t know everything. When I share the story you might have a better picture.

Dad was born in 1929 to parents that were not a fit for each other. So much so that they divorced when my dad was only about nine or ten. This was the 1930’s – who divorced back then? Dad went to live with his grandmother (his dad’s mom). Somehow, he persevered through school and joined the service where he traveled the world (or at least Europe) and worked in an office in a bookkeeping role. Dad was an only child, but did have a stepsister (his mom remarried), but there wasn’t much of a relationship between the two. Dad never talked much about those early years, and as a young boy I’m not sure I was all that interested in what his life had been like. Now, as I enter my 60's I would be fascinated to learn more about what his life was like when he was a kid and how on earth he managed to make lemonade out of the lemons he was handed.

When working for one company was a career

Coming back from the service dad took a job as a bookkeeper with Garraghan Oil in Kingston, NY. Ray Garraghan (former mayor of Kingston) employed my dad, and when his son, Abel, took over the business my dad stayed on. I’m not sure if it was a promise that was made, but that was a time period that harkens back to where some dads worked for companies their entire career and retired. Dad stayed in a bookkeeping role his entire working career – until (as I understand it) some sort of error was made and they moved my dad out of one position and into something that was the equivalent of company driver running errands, making deposits, etc. Mom and I suspect that there may have been some sort of mental issue that might have occurred that was not known about at the time. Thankfully, that did not wipe out what was something like a 40 year career with one company.

The Funny Things You Remember - "Six What Al?"

When dad brought my brother and me into Frank’s Barber Shop on Broadway in Kingston, that was the first thing out of Frank’s mouth to my dad – and it referenced my dad and the bowling league he was a part of at Mid City Lanes. It was a running joke because I'm not sure my dad ever rolled a 600 (three game score total), but he loved his bowling.

Honoring Dad - Breathing new life into old photos

I was rummaging around my mom’s house and I’ve always been aware that there are a ton of photos (in slide projector format) that haven’t been seen for years. Sadly, some have been a victim of water damage, but I’ve found a group of images that I was able to scan, and back on Memorial Day I shared a few with a Facebook Group called The Hudson Valley. There were over 300 people that liked the post, and there were a number of positive comments. I thought this was a great way to honor my dad, and my mom agreed that no one would be happier than my dad if he knew that photos he had taken 65 years ago were being shared with complete strangers. Below are a few that I’m referring to:

5 key traits I remember from my dad

Being available - Far and away this might be the most important aspect. Schlepping my brother and me to our baseball games, being home every night (except for bowling night). This helped to create a benchmark that when I became a parent I wanted to live up to.

Supporting our Aspirations?- Again, baseball is a theme here because I played in Little League, Junior Babe Ruth, Senior Babe Ruth, High School, and American Legion, and my dad was almost always in attendance. When I had an all-star game in Newburgh, NY my dad took off of work to drive me down to the game and stay around to cheer.

Doing Fun Stuff?- whether it was going to see the Harlem Globetrotters at the local college, the Yankees in the Bronx, pro wrestling in Kingston, NY or traveling to Lebanon Valley, NY to see the dragster and funny car races my dad was tuned into things that young boys enjoy.

Providing Stability?- Along with being there this is pretty important. Dad was never rich (financially), but he did provide predictability, and while he had never rocketed to the top of the corporate ladder, we never wanted for anything.

He was a good sport?- My brother and I could tease our dad mercilessly on a number of topics, and he always maintained an even temperament.

Next year marks 20 years that my dad will have passed, yet when my brother and I speak or I talk with my mom he still comes up in conversation. We laugh about the goofy things, can be frustrated by what we never knew about him, but most of all appreciate his ability to overcome the emotional challenges of growing up in the 30's and 40's with an uncertain home life.

Have a great weekend, and Happy Father's Day!

Dave

About David Shultis

For the lion's share of my career I have been a B2B marketing and product management professional. Currently I am redirecting my efforts towards opportunities that will allow me to provide experience in marketing, product management, customer service, inside sales, content writing, office administration or whatever else an organization may have a need for.

When not in pursuit of my next opportunity you can find me biking in and around New Jersey (or other states), as well as trying to get my walking in with a 15k step goal each day.

Photo(s) of the week.

Rather than a photo of the week I thought, since it is Father's Day this Sunday that I would share a few images of my own kids from the past couple of years. As passionate as I am about biking (I'm trying for my 7th Saturday in a row of going on a 100 mile ride), my son is an avid hiker (he just came back from three weeks in Peru on a hiking trip) and my daughter is an avid free diver (she returned from a trip to the Bahamas a couple of weeks ago).