Father's Day 2019

This is that day of the year where everyone changes their profile picture to their Dad. Yet, for whatever reason, this day brings me face-to-ugly mug with how I'm doing as a father to my two best works - Luke and Vee, now age 14. It's usually on this day that I get concerned about Luke's lack of woodworking skills (sorry, dude), Virginia's inability to cook (want me to show you how to make Tacos, again?), Luke's absent fishing skills (Hey, Siri, where's the nearest seafood place), Virginia's complete misunderstanding of military time (subtract 12!), and so on. In short, I get a little panicky over how they're going to learn all of the things I'm ill-equipped to teach.

Vee wants Snapchat and I haven't budged. Last night, we had yet another heated exchange over trust, pros/cons of social media, her friends, their parents, feeling left out and the ever-popular lobbying of "what can I do so you'll let me...." strategy. It's brutal to want to make something you love happy but to wind up in a fight because you don't.

Being a father is constant course correction. You're rarely on the perfect path. You feel like you're either too lenient (good-time fun party parent) or too tough (a-hole, way too old, stodgy parent). It's maddening for a perfectionist. Being a father is the epitome of the journey, not the result. I'm not too good at that.

So, this morning, amid folding laundry as I prepare to shuttle them off to camp later today, I decided to calm the nerves by coming up with 5 things. Who doesn't love a top 5 list? These are 5 things, in no particular order, I hope I can teach my kids before they launch to college in four years.

1. You don't have to do everything. But you absolutely have to do what you say you're going to do. Behavior, more than anything else, matters. It is the root of all trust. And trust is the root of all relationship. We are here on this planet for relationship with others. Do what you say you're going to do. That simple action will distinguish you from 80% of the world and foster relationships that bring you joy.

2. You don't have to subscribe to every thought or feeling you have. They are just thoughts and feelings. They're kind of like crazy-ass friends who come visit for a week. They come, they go. Do not let your life be dictated by the madness of crazy-ass friends or random thoughts/feelings.

3. Shower. Frequently.

4. Empathy is the most underappreciated human trait. It's a dying trait. And those who cultivate and embrace their own empathy will save the world from itself.

5. Love each other. When your mother and I are food for worms, that's who you'll have. Make the conscious decision to be good to each other. It's the greatest father's day gift you can give me.

Four years and counting...