Fat

The Sunday Blog by Joe Still

LinkedIn Edition

2023.04.30

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Are you kinda fat?

I’m kinda fat.

Not sorta fat.

Not super fat.

Just kinda fat.

Maybe you are too.

Summer is coming (really, it is), and so now we get to deal with the winter fat.

Fat Happens

Fat happens and it happens to a lot of us. Based on the last census, there are 332,403,650 of us muddling around in America and over 100 million wear the badge of obesity. Those are internet statistics; your mileage may vary.

Like a lot of other things, there’s fake news about fat today, but I’ve been doing some homework across multiple platforms to see patterns, check credibility, discount politics, and come up with some reasonable answers in an unreasonable world. I’m happy to report that I’ve tossed about 40 of the fat with another 40 to go.

So if you’re kinda fat, sorta fat, super fat, or if you just have a secret fantasy that one day Calvin Klein will come calling with an underwear modeling job, you’re in the right place.

Let’s talk fat.

Fat Defined

What is fat anyway? Fat is a store of energy measured in calories. A calorie is the amount of heat required at a pressure of 1 standard atmosphere to raise the temperature of 1 gram of water 1° Celsius. So if you’re some version of fat, you’re just carrying around more energy than you need.

Our bodies store fat mostly because of evolution. Our food intake has always been pretty consistent over history, but our ability to get food was not. 100,000 years ago a drive-up burger at midnight was hard to come by, so our bodies learned to store unused calories in the form of fat. When you take more into the old pie hole than you burn, it adds up.

So that’s fat, and it’s as simple as that.

The Villain in the Story

All storytellers know the role of a villain; it’s a required element. In the story of your fat, carbs are more of an accomplice, the real villain is a hormone. It’s called insulin.

Insulin is a hormone that facilitates the transport of glucose from blood into cells, thereby reducing blood glucose (blood sugar). It’s made in your pancreas. If you’re insulin resistant, you’re making more than you should which raises your blood sugar level. Not good.

Carbs are instant energy so when you gulp those large fries and Oreos, and then wash it down with organic orange juice, your body goes, “Carbs, awesome. Let’s fire off some insulin so we can break it down into energy. Then your stomach sends a text to your pancreas to start pumping out insulin so it can make some glucose (sugar) and that, in turn, sends another text to your liver to store what don’t need right now in your belly, your butt, your back, and well, you get it. Again, if you’re insulin resistant, you’re making too much insulin and therefore creating too much fat. Sigh…

The Fat Cure Punch Card

Certainly there’s more to all of this, but you basically get it. If you’re kinda fat, sorta fat, or even super fat but you don’t want to be, the first thing you need to accept is change. You’re going to have to change something if you want a new result; maybe a few things because if you don’t embrace the idea of change first, none of this will work for you. The assumption that doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is, well, crazy.

Here are 10 bullet points I’ve discovered that really do work. Pick and choose as you will, talk to your doctor as needed, or just consult your fave internet guru. Your mileage may vary.

1. Ketosis

There are basically two kinds of energy available to you: the kind you’re putting in your mouth right now and the kind you’re walking around with. Your body burns energy in a hierarchy: carbs, fat from food, stored fat. In ketosis, you train your body to burn fat instead of carbs to get its energy. This is how you get rid of fat. Get off the carbs and get some ketosis. Remember: your skinny jeans miss you.

2. Carbs

Again, carbs first, fat from food second, fat from your fat bod third. So if you can’t get off the carbs, you’ll never got off first base. And remember this fruit is loaded with carbs and sugar and your liver and pancreas don’t know the difference between organic blueberry juice and a Coke, and that’s a bummer for some, but it is what it is. Personally I’m sticking with spinach. If it works for Popeye, it works for me.

3. Get Metabolic

Focus on building your metabolic system – that’s your muscles. You want to use strength training because that’s what’s going to keep burning your fat stores after you work out. Running doesn’t do that. Short burst, heavy weights are best if you can, just watch your joints. Your mileage may vary.

4. Run! Or walk. Either way.

If your joints can handle it, “HIIT” training is pretty great for burning fat. HIIT is “High Intensity Interval Training” that’s anaerobic, meaning without oxygen. This will create “Human Growth Hormone” like you had when you were 14, but if your joints can’t handle that, just walk, walk, walk, walk (that’s aerobic meaning with oxygen). Apparently walking has just about the same fat burning benefit as jogging does. Sweet.

5. ACV

Before each meal, throw a tablespoon of apple cider vinegar (organic with the mother) into about 6 oz of water and gulp it down. This makes your digestion more acidic and that’s actually a good thing. It also helps with the insulin thing by keeping your blood sugar from spiking. Double word score.

6. Stress

Everyone talks about reducing stress, but here’s what most people don’t tell you: most of the stress in your life comes from other people. Sure, your house sliding off a bluff in Utah is going to stress you out, but stress mostly comes from the crazy, angry, constantly-pissed-off-at-you people in your life. Screen your triggers, say goodbye.

7. The Single Ingredient

Here’s a good one: only eat single ingredient foods because your body knows what to do with those. It can deal with a ribeye and some spinach. It understands egg whites. It knows what bacon is. But when you load up on enriched corn meal, monosodium glutamate, maltodextrin, natural flavors, and artificial color yellow #6, your body sends that carb text to your stomach, pancreas, and liver, and you just added another notch in your belt.

8. Eat in the Window

Try to limit your eating to an 8-hour window, keeping everything but water and coffee out of your mouth for the other 16. Hard, I know.

9. Fast

Fasting is actually one of the best things you can do for your body and it’s the best way to reduce your insulin level. Sure, take your vitamins and electrolytes like your mother told you to, but try to go a whole day or as much of a day as you can without eating. If you can do this, you might even be able to give up your smartphone for a day. Yeah, right.

10. Stick with It

It took a while for all of this to add up, it will probably take a while for it to go away too. Nothing replaces time, not even organic Cheeto’s, but if you hang in there long enough, eventually Calvin Klein might just give you a call.

Good luck and have a good week.

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Cite

“My fat never made me less money.”

– Dolly Parton

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