Fast People can go Suck a Big PotaToe

A dark quiet space in the city, across the road where the world comes alive at the Australian Open. There is energy. Every Wednesday morning at 6:01am it’s quiet. The energy builds. It's a silent buzz. This track has been part of the routine for the last few weeks. This morning I had a deep sinking feeling early. I didn’t want to continue and we hadn’t even covered half the first lap. Less than 250m of running. I considered giving up to stop and walk. Runaway when I got around to the dark part of the track where I could run. Escape the frustration of being slower than I hoped. No one would even notice or miss me.? Go away into the night sky as a man that didn’t even try.

I thought I was at a good pace but as each passing moment came, I got passed. A small knife digging into my ego asking “Do I have the self respect to give a little more?” or to hold the pace. This was only the start. I knew so well that there was a long way to go. That it would take 1000’s flicks on Insta to pass the time. I would feel every moment of the effort I was about to give. To hold out for the next time where I could rest. I kept going, I know the secret but it isn’t the positivity that you believe and love, how did I do it? To surrender to the pointless pain ahead?

I dreaded losing to someone, especially from the slower group behind me. That even though I felt slower this morning I didn’t wouldn't tolerate it, even on a bad day. I didn’t want to give up. To at least give some effort. I knew that I would feel completely worthless if I didn't. I knew showing up wouldn't cut it this morning. I hated that feeling. So I continued.

I had to believe that I could give effort. I didn’t care if it was for 100m, 50mor even the next 10m. To hold on to any pace.? Hold on tight, focus on what’s ahead, not the 2nd lap or the goal posts or the people in front. Only the next part of the track.

If I gave up and walked, it was the same as staying in bed, I didn't even have that as an option anymore. I had invested time and energy to walk in the cold? Did I want to leave myself to think about this for the rest of today? That I had Quit. That I knew that when I did give up, I would see proof that I was Hopeless... f*ck being that.

Focus on beating my own pace that morning, not let the worst get any worse. Focus on the splits I could manage this morning. Take it one lap at a time. To take deep breaths and walk out after each run. Do anything to recover and be ready to give a little more next time.

The hardest thing is to tell others they're doing a good job. Give them a high five when they are smashing you :( It’s a counterintuitive law. I became less worried about what the others were thinking of me each lap. A quick high five and? “Good job, keep going” helped them. It does more for you. It’s the ability to give others your energy, it’s not actually you costing anything. Give you a Gratitude Bonus.

The idea is to be less slow and always go far