Fast Food Inflation Causes HR Director To Replace Pizza Parties With Christmas Bonuses Instead

New York, NY: In response to the rising cost of fast food, the Human Resources Director at Silverman Flutes has made a pragmatic decision to discontinue the company's traditional pizza parties, opting instead to offer a modest Christmas bonus to top-performing employees.

"When my intern handed me the receipt, I found myself momentarily at a loss for words," said HR Director Harvey D. Yaleman. "The cost of a simple pizza order has become rather untenable. Naturally, the party went ahead—returning custom-made pizzas would hardly be practical."

The move has been described as both a social bummer but fiscally responsible, with the CFO reportedly expressing a mix of disbelief and begrudging approval.

"What is the first thing you think of when I say 'Christmas Bonuses'? You think of Tiny Tim and the ghost of Christmas, specifically the ghost of Christmas past and how we used to be able to afford pizza parties. Its an absolute downer but hopefully we can move on and manage with a bonus instead. Tough times means tough sacrifices."

"The numbers simply don't add up anymore," Yaleman continued. "We calculated that replacing the pizza parties with a 5% Christmas bonus for our 90th percentile performers should reduce our overhead by around 4% this year."

This shift in company policy has been met with a mix of mild surprise and quiet acceptance among staff, who appear to appreciate the gesture, however modest. "In the current climate, it's simply a matter of prioritizing profit even if it means sacrificing a little morale," Yaleman concluded, with the implication that future celebrations may involve even fewer frills.

One passing employee commented, "Oh my goodness, I might be able to buy my mom that motor scooter she's been praying for!" Yaleman, however, was quick to redirect the conversation, subtly hinting that upper management remains unconvinced of the bonus scheme's morale-boosting potential. Rumor has it, they are now exploring the feasibility of peanut butter and jelly sandwich gatherings—undoubtedly a more economical option.