#4 Not fast enough

The sun is burning through my helmet and I am blowing up. Pushing myself to go faster uphill to be the first to reach the top. Inevitably I have to slow down significantly. 'Come on, we just got started, you have the whole rest of the mountain to go. No point in giving up, or going this fast, we need to make it to the top!', my partner shouts while he passes me in a steady pace looking happy as a clam.

I used to be a fervent cyclist. And one of the big lessons you learn early on is that you shouldn't blow yourself up the first kilometers of a climb. To cycle up any sizeable mountain, the only way you'll make it is by pacing yourself. Sometimes slowing down a little is essential. Find a constant cadans that will get you through and just keep moving your knees up and down, up and down.

If you're lucky, you'll find people along the way to hand you a bottle of water, some food, will run along with you for a little while, cheer on you even. So you can keep going. It is the same in life, whenever you face a big challenge or have a long road ahead of you, it is ok to pace yourself. Well, it might even be essential.

When I had to recover from the stroke, I was warned by the neurologists that in my case it would take two years before I, and the doctors themselves, would know what 'recovered' would behold in my case. Two years of not knowing if I had reached the top of my brains capacity yet. If this level of energy was going to be 'it' for the rest of my life. Or if was still not there yet. Nobody knew. That was a tough cookie to crack. I remember sitting in my bedroom alone, after yet another obligatory rest, crying over the fact that I had to miss out so much valuable time with my family. There were days that I considered lost, since I was unable to join in any activity whatsoever. When you are hoping for just one day, just one day to live through, knowing in your bones all too well it might as well be your last, writing off a day hurts.

Sometimes pacing yourself is good. The two-year mark has passed, and this week I was able to attend a two day event for 2x7 hours, whereas last year I could attend the same event for just 4 hours in total. That is a longer term win!

The philosopher Seneca wrote: 'The man who organises every day as though it were his last, neither longs for nor fears the next day'

I think Seneca was not a (young) parent who understood that the cadans of your day is not in essence for you to decide. He also most likely did not have brain damage to recover from. His proposed way of living in our day and age is the biggest way to create anxiety.?

The realisation of passing time, of which you yourself are merely a fragment and not the essence, the time you have no control over in the broadest sense, is much more important. A humble view towards what life is. Being a small part of time passing. It is for you to try and pace yourself. To give yourself room to breathe. To allow yourself to long for, or even fear, a next day is a part of life for anybody.

Perspective

How about pacing your business? Surrounded by stories of overnight unicorns, competitors who claim to have reached a certain top already, it is easy to feel 'not enough' as an entrepreneur or business. To be too slow or too small.

What helped me tremendously is to keep the perspective of what we are doing with Paper / on the Rocks | B corp front and center in our activities. We are not in this to earn sh*tloads of money. We are not in this to be the 'one and only' with a new tree-free paper material. We are not looking for, or claiming to have, the holy grail of paper production.

Through this steady pace that we have had over the past eight years, we were able to create a network of 'the willing' from within, and outside, the paper industry. Through the steady pace we were able to research and develop new paper alternatives and came to understand exactly why the big changes and environmental wins in the paper industry have not come into being yet. And through this steady pace, we have become specialists in custom made notebooks - because we take time and pay attention to what we create.

What Paper / on the Rocks | B corp is doing, is creating a future proof ecosystem for paper, and stationery, production in the world. Through selling high-end beautiful notebooks to show the world change is in fact within reach. We are a commercial organisation in that aspect, without revenue we can't survive and can't direct our energy towards the ecosystem. So much is clear. Setting up such an ecosystem is not done overnight. Maybe not even in a decade. I am creating a company that will go on long after I am gone - since the task at hand is too big for one person, or one team, to complete.

Book Tip

The book tip of the week is a manifesto with the eye catching title 'How to blow up a pipeline.' Don't expect to be able to do such a thing after reading this book though. However, it will challenge the way you look at creating change in the world.

During my studies I specialised in social movements and (non violent) revolutions - this book gave me some new insights. Andreas Malm argues that it is impossible for the climate movement to achieve the radical change that is necessary, without property destruction. Mind you - it is never a call for attacks on people.

The intriguing point by Malm is that radical changes in societies have never come into existence without such destructive elements. He describes multiple and diverse situations in which, from his point of view and research, the destruction was essential to get things moving for the changes that were so desperately needed.

After reading this manifesto (it is just 208 pages) I am still undecided to be honest, if property destruction is really necessary. For one, I don't feel it my place to play such a role - I rather work my way into an industry and create change from the inside out. However, given the multiple big crises we are facing, maybe we are overlooking an essential key in creating change if we would not take Malms' findings into account.

Very curious to hear your thoughts!

Thank you for reading the fourth edition of Paper Trails. This week marks the first edition in English - given the many new subscribers from other areas of the world.

The comment section is once again open for thoughts, remarks and suggestions!