Farewell Vathsala, Farewell Mom, Farewell My Hero, Farewell My Everything!

Losing a parent is a difficult experience. No matter how and when that happens, what it does to an individual is often difficult to express or even articulate. And yet, I have come to believe that our parents work hard all their lives to tacitly prepare us to face not just the biggest challenges of life but also such moments where we are not prepared to let them go. Vathsala Ariga, my mother and my hero, left for heavenly abode in December this year. What started off as a hospital admission to fix jaundice ended up in the discovery of a rare aggressively growing malignant tumor on her bile duct at an advanced stage. It was all over in a matter of six days. And then to imagine all of this happen without any symptoms and to a person who is mobile, alert and with a well-maintained lifestyle was beyond me. And yet again, I believe, it’s the strength she ingrained in people that could not stop my delivering a farewell effort to the woman who was an inspiration to so many people and is a big reason of what I am today and will be for what’s left in my journey.

One of my earliest memories of Mom was seeing her wake up 4 am to get done with household work, prep us for school and rush to catch the 6.05 am BEST Bus # 322 to Vile Parle for her work as a teacher. Missing that bus was never an alternative for her. Few times, I would accompany her until the bus stop, and I couldn’t resist noticing the simplicity and consistency of her attire – a large Red Bindi on her forehead, her saree and bangles, a bag full of colored pens and papers, and an absolute focus on priorities for that day. She would be back by 5 pm, again complete household work, help us with homework, correct her school papers, and conduct tuitions while everyone at home had gone to bed. Weekends were no different since she kept herself occupied with tuitions. She did make time for a theatre visit with family and/or meet family members on Sunday. But such Sundays were rare. Hence, I remember her mostly dealing with the struggles of what we call as daily life and otherwise being surrounded by kids who were taught by her, disciplined by her, coached by her and many times parented by her. I cannot remember a day when she took an unplanned break from following the routine she had set and to me that tireless pursuit captured everything that was life for her – her passion to teach, improve the lives of people around her, her responsibility as a mother to educate and settle her two sons, her dedication to her students and family, spread happiness and most importantly the legacy she would leave long after she was gone.

My mother’s work was more than just a job to her. As a kid, she aspired to become a doctor and she did crack that aim by getting admitted to medical school. But fate had different plans and she had to give up on that pursuit, a development she embraced with the resilience she was known for. She chose the path of becoming a teacher by completing her BA and MA degrees in Education. After multiple stints at different schools as a part-time teacher, she joined Airport High School and Junior College, Bombay (APHS) in 1975 as Assistant Teacher for English and Social Studies. She served there for over thirty years progressing to senior faculty, headmistress and finally retire as the Vice-Principal (a title she was very proud of). To her, APHS was her first love. Everyone there meant more than family and home for her. Her school used to have a unique amalgamation of kids from all walks of society. Her endeavor was beyond just teaching subjects – it was about championing inclusion, promoting education for girls and the underprivileged, making sure there is justice and development for all sections of society, and in general a passion for improving the lives of everyone around. She wasn’t very different in that approach outside of school either. She would always say that one’s true purpose must be to serve one’s fellowmen with absolute impartiality and kindness, and that we will all be judged by our deeds. Once the time is right for us to move from this material world, our deeds, and the way we lived our life determine how we will depart and yet how we will continue to live through the people we inspired.

Mom was a firm believer in maintaining an active social network. But her perspective of maintaining such a network was bereft of the expectation of what it could give her back. It was instead about how and what she could do to touch and remain in touch with as many people as possible, improve their lives, contribute to alleviate their suffering, and share her happiness with them whenever such opportunities are presented. Seldom someone to be digressed with fads while on the path to achieving this purpose, she stayed firm on her course until her last breath. In her last days at the hospital, I could see how enthusiastically she shared her remedy for alleviating knee and joint paint with a nurse who was assisting her and was suffering from that problem. The pain and effort she took to not compromise on some of these values built tremendous amount of goodwill for her wherever she went and long after people were in regular touch. I haven’t visited a single town or city in India or outside of India where we did not find one of her ex-students. They always treated me like family and shared inspirational stories of how Mom took care of them and made them what they are today.

And perhaps the most enduring of the lessons came from the details she shared during the 6 days at hospital. The struggles she went through as a woman all her life – right from the resistance that led to her dropping from med school, her path as a working woman, making sense of life when she lost her husband to continue the fight to move on because she had to raise two sons at home and hundreds of kids at school and finally the purpose a teacher can still fulfil while after retirement. At that moment, I realized what resilience truly meant. And why resilience while being unique to an individual’s context, defines what we can truly discover and achieve. Without it, all our aspirations won’t get the execution they deserve.

Mom left me on 11th Dec 2021 after spending 6 days at the hospital. Those 6 days have given me memories equivalent to 60 years. I spent all the time that I could bargain with destiny to be with her – talking to her, hearing her stories, feeding her with my hands, getting her to do video calls with family in absolute suspense where only I knew what she was really going through and, in every possible way, letting her know that the effort she made all her life hadn’t gone in vain. Her pillar was with her. Her family and countless students were with her and me virtually. She left with no suffering from the cancer after a failed attempt at draining her bile duct, and most importantly left peacefully in her sleep while I lay near her feet. It was as if a divine sign to reinforce – it’s our deeds, what we do to others in every instance and how we make the most of the opportunities presented to us to improve the lives of people around us that not just determines how we depart and but also how we will continue to live through the actions of others who we inspired through our journey. When you combine an experience with a resulting awareness, you come to believe such awareness in a more real way. I am guided by the lessons she taught me by living her life, and I will continue following that path.?

As I close this tribute, I won’t hide that the grief is unparalleled. Time is the best healer. My attempt at fighting that grief is to celebrate her life. To all who supported me during this time and always, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I wish you and your family well and that for everyone. Its been so tough additionally for everyone with all that's going around. And for that and for the unseen, I wish you discover your path of resilience while being kind and doing good.

Farewell Vathsala. Farewell Mom, Farewell My Hero, Farewell My Everything!