Farewell to My Mother: Lessons I Learned from Her

The news dampened everything; it was the first news I received on January 20, 2025. I felt powerless, devastated, betrayed, and let down by God. How could God take her at such a time, when I was away and unable to travel back home to be with family and bid my mother farewell?

The Betrayal I had been deeply involved in taking care of my mother for about a decade, not because others didn’t want to help, but due to the hardships that few could spare. When I was home, I ensured her health needs were taken care of and communicated with my siblings and relatives, who assisted when they could. Sometimes, just visiting her was the best help of all. However, as the macroeconomic situation worsened and my responsibilities increased with my children growing up, I realized the status quo would have to change if I were to give my children a better life, let alone my mother. I had so many plans lined up—constantly adjusting what I would do for her. Little did I know I would not even be present at her funeral.

Exactly five months after leaving for a foreign land in pursuit of a better tomorrow, my mother decided to leave without saying goodbye. This is the worst betrayal I have ever suffered. All my plans vanished in an instant. I had envisioned sitting with my mother after this phase of my life, talking about how God had blessed us, but now, when I return home, it will be to visit my mother at the cemetery. What a betrayal—a heartless act from God. How could He do this to me? The sovereign God has hurt me beyond measure.

Key Lessons Learned from My Departed Mother

Lesson 1: Love Unconditionally My mother loved all her children the same and unconditionally. We are not all the same, but she found it in her heart to accommodate us despite our differences. When she was able to navigate the streets of Harare, she made sure to spend at least one night at everyone’s house to spend time with them. In some instances, because our family loved English tea so much, she would take a packet of sugar and tea leaves (masamba) with her to share with those she visited, knowing they might struggle to have the basics. She loved us all.

In the rural areas, I grew up knowing you cannot deny food, water, and shelter to anyone, whether fellow villagers or strangers. After every visit to the city, she would share the little sugar, bread, and cooking oil with those most in need in the village. When her children sent her foodstuffs, she would do the same every single time. I grew up to be generous and a giver because of the silent lessons from my mother. For strangers arriving from faraway villages for various reasons, she would always provide shelter, in some instances staying awake at night to ensure they catch their buses. If someone showed up asking for a cup of water after a long walk, she would cook sadza for them so they would have the energy for their journey. I have countless examples of her love and generosity.

Lesson 2: Peace and Patience Beyond Measure Life and relationships were not always rosy in the community, villages, or even among relatives. The story of African family rivalry and finger-pointing is not new to many, but she always chose the road to peace, often at her own expense. She was selfless, aiming to improve relationships.

Lesson 3: Hard Work for Everything You Call Yours My mother worked on farms in the '60s, '70s, and early '80s, laboring wherever the family decided to settle. My father worked in the farmhouse as a cook while my mother worked in the fields. The year I was born, my family chose a rural area to settle, perhaps because they were getting older and losing energy. They settled in UMP/Mukango village, deep in one of the poorest zones in Mashonaland East Province (the place we now call Kumusha). It was a place with little to show, but I made annual visits during Christmas to spend time with her and my childhood friends, a sanctuary to mind-therapy away from the fast life of Harare. It is the place I now call ‘where my heroes lie’. The theme throughout all this was working hard, no food for the lazy.

Lesson 4: Never Compete with Your Neighbor This lesson is about not letting people take advantage of you while being "innocent as a dove but wise as a serpent." As stated in Matthew 10:16, "Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves." This wisdom helped my siblings and me to read between the lines, making us cautious of practices like consulting witchdoctors and prophets (not to disparage those who follow them). My mother never visited witchdoctors, believing there was little or no good that could come from it. I saw how families were destroyed by accusations from witchdoctors and prophets. It amazes me how wise she was, considering she passed on just four years shy of a century.

I have an endless list of lessons and memories, which could fill many pages. Perhaps one day, God will give me the strength to document her life for the world to see.

I am yet to shed tears, as I may still be holding a lot of anger and betrayal inside me. However, I have had tremendous support from colleagues and friends. I want to single out the First Baptist Church of Waco (FBC) graduate and professional group, which dedicated the Bible study for February 2, 2025, to hold a mini memorial for my mother. I was given the opportunity to talk about her life story, and the group prayed for her, my family, and myself. I have a few names I would like to mention, but since I did not seek consent prior to this article, I will simply thank them for their presence and comfort during this absurd period of my life. I felt alone, but these friends and the church made it easier to bear. Although I still have a long way to go in finding closure, I am grateful for their support.