?? Farewell Dad

For those of you who have been in my community in the past year, you know I've made a concerted effort to connect more meaningfully with my father.

Many of you have reached out to me over the past year about this. Your support has meant the world -- thank you for such meaningful thoughts. I write this now because I've learned a lot about myself and my Dad over the years and I can't help but share it with my loving community.?

We are all growing everyday, and while many of you share your growth with me, I feel called to reciprocate today.

Thank you for taking me in as a whole, flawed, open, ever-growing person.

Farewell?to my Dad

Relationships with parents are sometimes complicated.

Dad battled many demons after the horrors of Vietnam, including [what I think to be] undiagnosed PTSD, for which he self-medicated with alcohol. Dad didn't have the tools to speak to his emotions; he was a kind man who couldn't verbalize his sadness.

I was angry at Dad for a long time. Angry for his alcoholism, angry for the divorce, angry that he chose to move so far away, angry that he didn't visit me in New York, angry that he wasn't a "picture-perfect" father, whatever that means.

It wasn't until about 10 years ago when I was able to come to terms and accept the man (shoutout to my therapist!).

I reminded myself over and over again: he's doing the best he can.

That allowed me to connect with him more regularly via phone, to?see him more often in Tennessee, and to truly feel empathy for him when, after a lifetime of smoking, his diagnosis of emphysema started to impact his daily life.

And it allowed me to be by his side in his very last days in a hospital. Even though he was unconscious, I talked to him, cried, held his hand, played music for him, apologized, thanked him, and told him I loved him. And then I said goodbye.

My dad was a brilliant, brave, sophisticated, silly, generous man. I know he was deeply proud of me. And I also know that he loved me in the best way he knew how.

Now his suffering is over, and for that I am grateful.?Rest in peace, Dad.

Obituary

Earle Dorr Lovering, age 77, of Clinton, Tennessee passed away on April 9, 2024.

Earle was born to Francis and Marelyn Lovering on May 18, 1946 in Lowell, Massachusetts. He grew up in Chelmsford, Massachusetts and developed a love for music, theater, and complex machines. After graduating from the University of Maine, he bravely served our country in Vietnam as a helicopter pilot for the United States Navy.

Earle is survived by his daughter, Joanna, of New York City, his sister, Martha Vitek (John) of Oak Ridge, Tennessee, and his sister, Ann Ramirez (Alejandro) of Guadalajara, Mexico. Earle was predeceased by his parents and his ex-wife, Laura.

Earle was a talented musician who loved playing guitar, banjo, and singing bass in multiple semi-professional choirs. He was a member of the Oak Ridge Chorus for many years.

He was constantly in awe of the beauty of nature; he enjoyed listening to the birds in his backyard, thunderstorms on summer evenings, and the leaves rustling in the wind. He spoke of wonderful times traveling with family and friends to Sweden, Mexico, and even Walt Disney World. He loved to sail his boat, the Fa-La, to Block Island, Bermuda, and other destinations along the eastern seaboard.

He will be remembered for his ardent push for progressive politics, love for the sea, building and flying radio-controlled planes and helicopters, and the boyish twinkle in his eye when he could play with a new "toy".

In lieu of funeral services, Earle's family asks that you make a donation to Vote.org , a cause about which he was very passionate.