Farewell, Carlos: Gratitude in Loss

One week ago, the Founder and Chair of my employer of 15 years suddenly died. I can only account for $34million that Carlos, my former boss, has given in charitable funding to academic institutions across the country…just a portion of what he did for others.?In the years I reported directly to him, all of his employees saw how generous he was; our HQ office had its annual United Way drive and Carlos would match dollar-per-dollar.?He supported my technical organizations such as ACS and MBAA in special ways. Although I chose to depart the organization at the end of 2011, it was pretty easy to stay up to date with his charitable good for academic institutions from afar. I appreciate reconnecting with his dear brother who reminded me of more about the man.

Losing him suddenly last week is an experience that leaves behind a profound sense of loss, emptiness and disbelief. Carlos guided me and colleagues through challenges and uncertainties with sharpness, wit, and when needed with chastisement, and his absence for those who followed on his team leaves a void that is difficult for me to comprehend. Following the initial shock came grief, sadness, and a tragic disappointment that his great work for others directly has ended. Even as I grieve for his family, especially young grandchildren, I take comfort that the young CEO and Chair will continue in Carlos’ path.?And as time passes, the pain of loss may ease, but the memory of lessons learned from the man remain etched in heart and mind.

Carlos’ example often gave me pause when making big decisions. But today I have a sense of emptiness, even though it has been almost two years ago that he kindly accepted my invitation and joined a dinner and my talk+tasting at a local American Chemical Society dinner meeting hosted by the President of Alamo Beer Company. I was hoping to see him again this year and took my first step just 4 days prior to his passing.

In the midst of mourning, there's also a profound sense of bittersweet gratitude for my fifteen years spent working for him and the impact he had on our family. And for me, dinners he hosted in London, Munich. Portland, Berkeley and at amazing Mexican beaches are treasured memories.

If I could leave a fraction of the legacy of his wisdom, concern, kindness and leadership, mine would be a notable life lived.

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