Family Wisdom

As I prepare to prepare tomorrow's meal, I reflect on all the past Christmas dinners I have prepared.

As a child, my mother or father prepared the meal. As an adult, I have inherited the talent to cook, and my family looks forward to our holiday meals. I do a turkey, dressing, country green beans with ham hocks, and homemade bread for Thanksgiving. For Christmas, I do a prime rib, with various roasted vegetables, cheese dip, sauteed mushrooms, etc. Easter brings out my Irish ancestry - with corned beef, cabbage, potatoes and potentially some alcohol involved! For New Years, my mothers always cooked a corned beef, potato and cabbage dish - she always put a dime in the pot for good luck!

Due to the ongoing but unexpected things going on, I am cooking a ham and potato gratin, with roasted vegetables. I think it will be delicious, yet it points to the fact that I cannot devote 16 hours to making the holiday meal. Our table will include only me, my wife, my daughter and her boyfriend. Hopefully I'll have enough leftovers to allow my daughter to take home some great leftovers!

I realize that what I remember from my younger holiday meals is not how good the food was, but what it felt like to be surrounded by family, folks who didn't judge you, who knew you from when you were born. You can't put on an act for these people - they've known your whole life.

These people love you unconditionally. That is a gift. No matter the mistakes you've made or how far you've gone in your career, to them you're still a young face. For your brothers and sisters, you've gone through similar paths, and can relate as you get older. My own nieces and nephews are my age, and they are like brothers and sisters. My brothers and sisters are like my aunts and uncles.  My father was like a grandfather - he was born in 1915 - he survived the Great Depression and served in WWII.

These people know you more than any other. At these times, we are totally exposed, vulnerable to times when we weren't so polished, so mature, and so wise.

They know the real us - our education, certifications and professional progress doesn't mean all that much. They know you as the immature kid. That unconditional love is a treasure. They frankly could care less about all the progress you've made, the degrees and certifications you've achieved, or the promotions you have. You're still just part of the family. They love you and care about you, and are glad to see you've done well in your career. But even if you've not achieved all this, they still love you. That is a gift. Spending time with these folks is really important. Take the time to find this time with them. Plan your travel and budget if needed to ensure you're just close to them, laughing and remembering good times, embarrassing times, and times spent with those who have passed. This time spent is recharging, stress relieving, bringing you back to a time when you didn't have all the deadlines, responsibilities and expectations. You can truly be yourself. That is such a gift.

Treasure this time - it brings you back to your roots, to your underlying foundations. Embrace your mistakes and faults - they don't prevent your future achievements.

For me, as the first in my family to achieve a college degree (a Masters) - my family looks up to me as someone who has gone past our typical family career path. I think that is my biggest contribution to my family, but also something that gives them a new bar - a new level to set. No longer is a HS diploma the standard for our family (along with the subsequent difficulty to find a good job.) My work has set that new bar for current and future family members - if I did it, you can too.

You are only constrained by your own picture of yourself - that picture is too often built from what your family has done. You are not restricted by this tradition, nor will your family judge you for going beyond the family standard.

Go above this - strive to achieve as far as you can. Get the HS diploma or GED - get an Associates Degree. If possible, get the Bachelors or Masters, even a PhD. Don't let anything hold you back. Find what you love to do, and train to do that at the highest level. Work hard, show up, and add as much value as you can. Believe you can do much more than you think you can. Go for the goal that you never thought you could do.

I promise you that you will hit the mark much farther than you ever thought possible. Take it from someone from a family that comes from the basics, just getting by, eating mayonnaise sandwiches. Strive to go beyond your expectations. Today we have the wisdom and information needed to do anything we want to do. Be creative - serve your country - do whatever it takes to move beyond your expectations to become someone who serves your community, your industry - give back to those who will eventually replace you and take over protecting our companies, our industries, and our nation.

I knew I could do more, and I took that bet. Today I live in the wonderful state of Colorado, for an amazing organization, in a sector and profession that I love. I teach the next generation of cybersecurity professionals. I will die having done my best to give back to our current and future generations. It's frankly a surprise, as that family sort of sets almost a template for your life. But you can go beyond.

Make a new year's resolution to go beyond your expectations. Set some awesome goals and kick some major A$$ to achieve them. Set your goals, and then reset them 10X your own expectations of yourself. Believe me, your hard work pays off! You can achieve that. Push yourself - find ways to better manage time so that you can do all the things needed to make 2020 the best year in your life.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!