The Family of Strangers

The Family of Strangers

I am writing this article to celebrate reaching five thousand connections on LinkedIn. When I first joined, it was for the same reason most people do, to find a job. I really only connected with people at my company and recruiters. I never thought of LinkedIn as an information network. However, once I started seeing the posts, I realized the potential of the site. I started using it to branch out from enhancing my day job to working on my other goals or music and poetry. We are all in this together. All professionals with common goals; to succeed and be part of the solution. It brought to mind an idea I had many years ago which seems fitting for now having 5000 connections (please see the poem at the end of this article). It is how every person on the planet affects everyone else even if it is in an extremely small way. We have our immediate families, work families, friends, acquaintances, and others. However, the over looked group that we can have a great effect on are the ones we rarely see and who even might be strangers.

It is all based on a line from a song written by my favorite drummer and lyricist, Neil Peart. “I can’t believe a stranger is a long awaited friend”, from the song Limelight. If you are not familiar with Neil, I highly recommend his music, lyrics, and books. He is an amazing man and has a compelling story. He, however always had trouble with fame. He felt very uncomfortable with admiration and praise. He did not like interacting with fans. How he and his work could mean so much to people, he did not seem to realize. While that side of it makes sense, there is another side. The side of the fan.  Personally, I have read all of Neil’s books, some of which are very personal, and I have been listening to his music and lyrics for over 30 years. He also inspired me to be a drummer and to write poetry in the first place and has been one of my biggest musical influences, and truth be told, role models, throughout my life. He has had a great effect on my life. I will say also that I do know him, not personally, but there is no way after all that I would not know something about him. Yet we have never met. He knows nothing about me. The only effect I have had on him is being an audience member at concerts and providing him with an extremely small fraction of his income. (There was a time in the 80’s that I saw him at a music shop in Boston, but that another story).  Neil and I are part of the family of strangers. He has had a great effect on my life, more than many people I have known since I was young, and I have had an extremely small effect on his. I am glad I can incorporate him into my article close to the one-year anniversary of his passing. R.I.P. Neil. 

One thing Neil mentioned was he could never understand people who would interrupt your dinner or knock on your hotel room just to get an autograph. I get that. We should all be respectful to each, always. Nevertheless, at the same time he is such a big icon that people will feel a connection to him and want to say hi of they can. The more your work is out in the public the more people you will have an impact on people’s lives. The same as you would to anyone important to you that you have not seen in a while. I have been lucky enough to meet many of my pop culture and music hero’s, and, surprise, they are just people. The great drummer, Billy Cobham I would say is my biggest role model and I have been fortunate to meet him three times, and have my son meet him as well. He usually comes out after concerts to sign autographs and talk to his fans. He is a great guy and tells fun stories. It was nice to be able to thank him for his music and tell him what it means to me. He gets it. He gets how he has affected people. 

All this got me thinking about how we affect each other’s lives. We have all had times when we interacted with people, it really affected us, and the other person might not even remember it. We can all, and do, make a difference in everyone lives that we touch. Our families and friends are ones that change our lives daily. We have our work family, people we may not have been close with outside the work dynamic, but we affect them every time we see them. Then there are the casual relationships, someone at a local restaurant you see and are friendly with, the mail carrier, someone on a social media site you comment on from time to time, but do not really know. Finally, we have the strangers that are connected to us but we do not know. Like I am with Neil, or, for example, you may have posted something inspirational that really motivated someone and never know it. It can be even as minuscule as when you buy something you help, just a tiny bit, everyone in that company. Then there is of course the fact of how we all affect the environment that affects everyone. A good exercise is to take one day and think what you are doing and how it affects other people. 

So for those on LinkedIn grow your business, find new employees, be proud of how hard you work and promote it. Just always remember we are all brothers and sisters. We are all in this together, and if we work together, we can all prosper.

I wrote the below Sestina type poem shown below years ago as a challenge from a friend. It seemed like a good time to share and base the above article on.

Peace and happiness,

Dan

The Family of Strangers

When we think of the people we affect

We first think of our close family

And not much of those who are strangers

Yet everyone has an effect on all people

Not just who we know

We are entwined in each others lives

With those we love the most who have become our lives

It is hard not to greatly affect

The most intimate aspects about them we know

Those kindred souls of our immediate family

We can be born into the hearts of these people

Or capture the hearts of those who were once strangers

Some have a family connection but are still strangers

We may not see them much but they are always part of our lives

A familiar yet distant group of people

Yet still a group that we will always affect

These we acknowledge as your extended family

Some of whom we might pass and never know

Who do we want in our life, which group of people

How long will the relationship last? We don’t know

Reassuring and positive is how we are looking to affect

The sharers of joy and close confidents who were once strangers

And who we now open up to and let in our lives

These friends we chose to be yet another type of family

Sometimes the ones you think you are close to you do not really know

They hide behind disguises and are really strangers

Even when we spend more time with them than our immediate family

Almost random professionals forced into each others lives

Unable to control who we are around and who we affect

Work and school show us the diversity of people

We can have relationships outside of work, friends, or family

Even with quick sporadic contact we can affect people

Society requiring the interaction of our lives

We can sometimes affect those we occasionally see more than we know

As we can be affected by the same occasional almost strangers

With the ones we rarely see we can have a great affect

In the myriad ways we affect all people

All lives have an affect on all lives more than we know

Making us all part of the family of strangers