Family Relationships and funerals,the aftermaths.

I heard this morning that Raphael Dwamena funeral has degenerated into some tension.I say if the family want to cause confusion the police should step in and injunct it till they decide to be sensible.I listened to the uncle and Sister and the picture i got was they were late to the washing and dressingup of the corpse yet they wanted to fight against the decision of the wife to dress up the corpse and lay it in state, though they agree they have no money and that is my beef with the family.He who pays the piper calls for the tune.

I have had my own share of funerals , aftermath of funeral and relationships.My dad was a DCE in many regions in this country and retired as a Chief Director in the Information Ministry.He was instrumental in the development of our village, i.e provision of roads, water, electricity.In this regard naturally everyone would like to send the child to live with him and at a point we were 20 people in the bungalow at Galloway in Koforidua where he was DCE.These were not mainly direct cousins but in some cases quite extended relatives.The direct cousins were 5 , others in Kumasi came and left as and when it suited them so my dad was cherished.As for his role in the governance of this country i wont even go there talking of speeches by heads of state from General Afrifa to Rawlings and other things.I was an only child in the late 70s till 1979 when my brother was born.When my dad retired all these cousins and rellatives had disappeared, some tried to implicate him in wild accusations of buying a land for my cousin in Belgium who wanted a plot of land did not pay for it and so someone else took the land and it became an issue.There is a four plot land my dad bought up the mountains that belongs to my cousin in the USA. and as we speak its still there undeveloped.Once upon a time a sub chief tried to take 2 plots and even came to the house but my dad challenged him .Later on a daughter of the one who sold the land tried coming to retrieve 2 plots claiming it was 2 plots the mum sold meanwhile it's registered as 4 plots at lands commission and she backed off.Later on a man who is known as a thief infact the whole family are thieves in the area stealing food products, cement sand blocks and two of the sons are serving jail term for armed robbery went on the land to trespass and when my dad went there they tried attacking the old man,i heard it went there with a weapon and they fled.I have decided that i won't defend and protect the land anymore after my dad passed because i came to terms with their ungrateful nature though i never told anyone.

When my dad was alive he complained many times about how people cash in during funerals instead of supporting.I was witness to how my uncle who is the eldest in the family passed in 2014 and unfortunately he only had 2 daughters who could not fight.My uncle and aunt sat and made determination how the funeral must go ,though the daughters decided to serve food which those funeral organisers objected to, they broiught my cousins debt, hotel bills for friends and their feeding.I was witness to how people in the village insisted a lady who was working in Koforidua died, she had nothing so the ecision was to bury her there but the peoplre in the village insisted she should be buried in the village and no one was ready to bear the cost, so my dad told me and a few relatives around if he died and this nonsense comes up we should insist and bury him in Accra or up there, afterall that is where he lived in his retirement.When my dad passed there was no help, i decided to bury him according to his wishes but i went for a funeral in the village and it was nasty,everyone in the town attacked me and my brother at every turn for saying we were burying him elsewhere, we were summoned to the palace late at night where i met some old folks.I stated my case and they had taken a decision so i said to myself i would end this nonsense, there had been an earlier meeting at Catonments in my uncles house and it ended in a lot of tension , i stood my grounds that if we would spend on everything related to the funeral then we would have our way.The Chief was sypathetic and asked those elders who was ready to foot any bill and they were silent,even the retired naval officers present were silent and even a former minister of state and national security advisor to many regimes..In the end we agreed that the funeral would be up there in the mountains and we send the body to the village for burial.That bold deecision i took , standing up to the grand funeral committee was a bold statement,it has changed things,the era where people dictate stuff to you and you could buy a 40 footer container of rice and all manner of people come around to cook and at the end the cooked rice you get cant feed even 50 buests is gone.One chap who stood up as abusuapanyin, i dont know him i only heard his name told my mum to advise me to slow down, i was too tough and my mum said ''that is my husbands son, you know how the father is.''

When the body was being moved from the morgue this abusuapanyin ordered the hearse to move to the village and i asked how,we had concluded every arrangement at the palace and thats the program so i also told the hease driver to send the body home because i was paying, i moved my car in front of the hearse and ecorted them home.My aunt an ambassador then was the only family member who came there and we had the funeral , all the rest went to the village. Even at the church this abusuapanyin was complaining that the delay was too much and i told him to shut up and let us have our final funeral rites.When the hearse finally moved with the body with so called abusuapanyin seated in front he ordered me , my brother and sister and everyone around to follow to the village and i thought to myself this guy has guts.I told him i had guests from Accra i had to attend to and no one would follow,so a young gentleman who was weeding around and my father chanced on him and brought him to stay in his house since he was sleeping in uncompleted buildings. This guy was sponsored to teacher training and completed university and now has built a house near us and even married so he is more or lless a son.He accompanied the hearse and did a lot of errands on our behalf.There was a Toyota van filled with food and Drinks that followed the hearse and an Army officer who also went along.

My dad was met in the village by the Asafo group with firing of musketry and the choirs in the village, it was such a moving scene and he was buried there ..Later on we went to build the tomb.We were blamed by the village people for being heartless but they forgot they ate to their fill and it was from us.

Post funeral, no one even asks of us, the only person who does is my uncle in Australia and once in a while the paramount chief..As for the cousins not even one asks of me.My aunt i.e my fathers youngest sister who lives at Manet estates not far from American house does not even ask of me.My eldst cousin who works for govt in the national security communicatiions tried destroying the funeral , he would ask us to fight the people in the village and family members and at meetings he would be quiet, and this chap trained in the USA and its my dad who paid his fees in school.He even lived with us on holidays. I had an altercation with him after the funeral and he took me off the family chat group because i told him the truth but i dont care.My uncle died last two years, we met at the funeral at the Ridge church and i just passed him.His sister who was in USA owns the 4 plots of land my dad bought behind us up there in the mountains and she also lived with us when schooling here.The chap who was brought in by my dad and sponsored to teacher training lives just 100 metres from us but he does not pass by to say hello,A year after old mans death he came by and he even built the tomb of the old man, but after that we dont see him.He works in western region but comes home, i see him some wekends but he does not see me.Last weekend i spotted my elder cousin who is at the National Secirity communications at a bus stop around our area, i was returning from church , he had parked his Toyota Highlander and i dont know what he was doing there but i suspect he was with the sister to check on their 4 plot land..

I would never repeat the ''mistake' of ny dad, i know he did it because he did not want his children to suffer his fate, where everyone looks up to him for help and indeed they don't need our help and its fine.My family has come out of that hole but there may be families that one person must stand up to empower everyone so they also come out of the hole, but if you ask me i won't assist anyone and even they don't need help.The only person i wanted to assist is the son of the lady who died in Koforidua,the father cannot take care of this little boy because of the wife and the village people who insisted the boy is brought home are not able to offer any help so i hear the boy is in Peki with the girls sister.That lady used to come home to help and she came with the boy each time.When she died i saw the mum with the child in our living room and she was pacing up and down the hall because she was worried about the kid.The sister wont let go of the chilld, I am not the only one with this experience,many are going through this,and one lesson in life , it's when your parents are alive you see your relatives.

Today if there is an announcement that i have been made a minister of state,i have become an Mp or i hit a jackpot of about 50 million dollars,trust me all these people would start lining up at my entrance to see me.Maybe that guy you see in your area and never even looks at you is a relative and he/she knows, but when they hear you hit a jackpot they would come up to you and introduce themselves.Your school mates you never hear of will find your number and place calls, even if they cant get through they will do everything under the sun and even hack your phone that is off to turn it on.Such is life and anytime i hear people say ''this guy has become proud ever since he became rich ''i am slow to condemn.