"THE FAMILY PEW"

Quin Tate was deeply immersed in her loss. She was walking into the church sanctuary to mourn the loss of her best friend and mother. She had finally lost her long battle with cancer. The hurt was so intense Quin found it hard to breathe at times.

Taking her seat in front on the reserved family pew, Quin didn’t even notice the hardness of the wooden pew. She was yo-yoing her thoughts about her daddy’s funeral in the same sanctuary five years ago and now her mom. How would life be without parents, even at 28 years of age.

Always supportive, her parents clapped the loudest at her school plays, encouraged and prayed for her in college while teaching her family values. Her dad called her “QT” because Quin liked to keep secrets and was always keeping everything on the down low. Actually Quin was a very reserved and private person. Quin deduced it was because she was the middle child.

When her mom was diagnosed with cancer, Quin’s older sister had just gave birth to a baby and her younger brother had recently married his childhood sweetheart so the responsibility of taking care of mom fell to Quin who had no entanglements. Quin viewed it as an honor to move back home and care for her mom and best friend.

Although hurting from the latter stages of cancer, Quin’s mom was still there with a box of tissues, strong shoulders and reassuring hugs during the heartbreak of Quin’s boyfriend breaking up with her because Quin moved back home. Mom said good riddance and Quin knew she was right.

Quin asked herself; “What now Lord?” She was picturing her life without parents and any boyfriend as an empty abyss. She looked at her brother sitting stoically clutching his wife’s hand and her sister sitting slumped against her husband’s shoulder as his arms cradled her sister and their child. Everyone so deeply grieving, no one noticed Quin sat alone.

Quin’s place had been to be with their mom. Preparing her meals, helping her walk, taking her to doctor appointments, managing her mom’s bills, medications and reading the Bible together. Now Quin’s mom was with the Lord. Quin’s work was finished and she was alone.

She felt herself gasping for a breath again as a tear was running down her cheek followed by the sanctuary door opening and slamming shut. Rapid footsteps made a muffled sound coming down the carpeted aisle. Then Quin saw an exasperated young man looking around then sat down next to her. Yes, he sat down next to her on the “family pew.” He folded his hands, bowed his head and Quin could see tears falling on his lap.

He began to sniffle as he looked at Quin saying; “I’m late,” followed by an explanation. Quin was thinking to herself who this could be and why didn’t he sit on the other side of the church.

After a couple eulogies, the young man leaned over and asked Quin; “Why do they keep calling her “Mary? Everyone called her Margaret.”

Quin in a brusque and catty tone replied; “Duh, because her name for 71 years was Mary! No one ever called her Margaret!” Quin felt herself seething as he was interrupting her grieving with his tears, sniffles and whispered questions. Now Quin really wondered who was this joker and why he was sitting next to her on the reserved family pew.

“No, that is not correct,” he insisted firmly, drawing the attention of several people’s glances at their whispering. Looking Quin in the eye he stated emphatically; “Her name is Margaret. Margaret Willis.”

“Sorry Charlie or whatever your name is but that is not who this is! I should know since it is my mom, Mary Tate.”

Puzzled, the young man asked; “Isn’t this the Methodist Church?” Quin replied; “No, this is the Baptist Church. The Methodist Church is across the street. I think you are at the wrong funeral bud.”

The solemnness of the funeral mixed with the young man’s mistake bubbled up in Quin like a volcano and erupted as laughter. Quickly she tried to cup her hands over her face, hoping it would be interpreted as sobs.

The creaking family pew gave her away. Sharp stares from the other mourners only made the situation seem more comical. Quin made a quick glance at the bewildered and misguided man seated next to her to see he was laughing while looking around for a fast exit but it was too late.

Quin then imagined her mom laughing hilariously which brought a smile and feeling of warmth like she felt when mom was hugging her.

After the final “Amen”, Quin and the young man darted out a side door into the parking lot. The young man introduced himself as Ryan then stated with a big grin; “I do believe we will be the talk of the town.” He went on; “Seriously, I am truly sorry for my mistaken interruption.” Next, Ryan said; “I missed my dear aunt’s funeral so let me atone for my interruption and buy you a cup of coffee.”

Quin accepted and that afternoon coffee began a lifelong journey with the man who attended the wrong funeral but was in the right place. A year after their meeting, they were married at a country church where he was the assistant pastor. This time they both arrived at the same church, right on time. In Quin’s time of sorrow, God gave her laughter. In place of loneliness, God gave her love.

Whenever anyone asks them how they met, Ryan tells them; “Her mother Mary and my aunt Margaret introduced us, and it’s truly a match made in heaven.”

Whether it is the love of your life or a backstabbing troublemaker masquerading as a friend, God brings and removes people from our lives. Good or bad, the Big Guy upstairs is continually teaching us while constantly allowing us to make our own choices, including our choice of spouses and friends. Unfortunately, God never makes it crystal clear who we should allow in our lives and who we need to kick to the curb. We must be the ones to learn who will be a true friend and who has horns holding up their halos.

We can learn from the Good Book about good and bad friends. We see examples of good friends such as David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 20:1-42) or Ruth and Naomi. (Ruth 1:1-22) Likewise we read illustrations of bad friends such as Joseph and Pharaoh’s cup-bearer (Genesis 40:1-23) and Ahithophel who constantly stabbed David in the back as his trusted counselor. (2 Samuel 15:12-23)

God created us as social beings who detest loneliness while craving family and friends. Just because God brings someone into your life doesn’t mean you should exchange wedding vows or co-sign their car loan. No, God wants us to apply His teachings before befriending or betrothing someone. For instance, God teaches us the heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense. (Proverbs 27:9) Likewise, God teaches us bad company corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33)

Bottom line is God’s spot on advice of “wounds from a friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.” (Proverbs 27:6) Translated it means; An enemy or not a true and genuine friend, may be warm and friendly but they cannot be trusted because they do not speak the truth to you.

Those of us who have walked this earth for several years can attest to failing to apply God’s teachings in selecting our spouses or friends. Many of us could write a book on toxic relationships and/or friends who had feet rushing into sin (Proverbs 6:18) Most of would even flunk the “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” test because we have experienced so many toxic relationships, it would appear our porch light is on but no one is home. Fortunately, God is always there to rescue us. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Merciful and Gracious God, thank You for loving us so much. Thank You for having eons of patience with us. Thank You for overlooking our bad choices in life, love and friends. Thank You for being there to love us when we failed to apply Your teachings in our lives. As the old and converted Led Zeppelin rocker Robert Plant and his Band of Joy sing; “….all my life I’ve wanted to know why Jesus loved me so and after a while I will move on up to going home with You Lord.” What a day that will be to learn why God loves us so much and be reunited with family and friends!