Family Comes First?

How many times have you heard the term “family comes first”, or even used it yourself? Probably a lot, right? When I pause and reflect on when I’ve used that term, a high percentage of the times I’ve used it was when a crisis or unseen circumstance popped up for a coworker or employee of mine. For example, maybe their kid was unexpectedly sick and needed to be picked up from school, or a loved one got hurt so needed their undivided attention, but the point is, I didn’t say it and, more importantly, didn’t abide by it myself on a regular daily basis.

I am recently coming off of working 14-hour days, + weekends and travel on a weekly/bi-weekly basis for almost 3 years straight. And the major takeaway that I learned from this experience is that I have absolutely zero boundaries and if I want to be part of my children’s memories (not just as a mom that worked a lot) I need to begin creating them asap. As a wise woman (you know who you are ??) reminded me recently…. I was not applying the ‘deathbed theory’ – that, when you’re on your deathbed, will you think about that campaign you flawlessly executed OR will you think about what you did (or didn’t) do with your loved ones?

Now, don’t get me wrong, the last 3 years wasn't all doom and gloom, I have grown tremendously from a professional standpoint and created some of the best relationships of my career. I was basically on hyper speed, managing complex situations always finding a solution or strategy. I honed in on my negotiation skillset by finding a balance of being firm but fair, paired with a mutually beneficial solution-based mindset; and, finally, I shed my ‘impostor’ syndrome. Hi, I’m Kaitlyn and I know that I’m a powerhouse. I’m smart, I care about the people I work with and I’m a kickass professional woman.??

BUT major, underlined, bolded, starred BUT, I 100%, without a doubt, overrotated. I never missed a phone call, didn’t matter how late or where I was. Didn’t matter if I was trying to give my kids a bath, not joining my family at the beach on a family vacation cause #creativecrises or if I was in a dressing room at Target with my daughter (<-all real stories). I stood at the ready for any challenge and jumped in to assist anyone that needed help at the drop of a hat. I have a knack for creating net new relationships and also mending broken ones. So, I never turned down or postponed requests to get together, to listen, to talk, to travel for an in-person face to face meeting even if it meant that it was inconvenient for me.? “NO, I CAN’T, I WONT” is not in my vocabulary and I prided myself on being a fixer.

The non-Instagram worthy outcome of this approach was that my husband was basically a single parent. Friends in town would be shocked if they saw me out and my kids, my 5 & 3-year-old, were most notably being affected. I saw the anxiety in my 5 year old’s eyes every time she saw the suitcase being taken out (which was weekly). I saw the disappointment in my 3 years olds eyes when he slowly would repeat the amount of sleeps it would be until I came home.

The irony of all of it, is that while I was a “fixer” at work, I was absolutely breaking at home. And I was breaking because I wasn’t putting myself or my family first. If anything, my family was second, third or even forth after “job/boss, employees, and clients.”

So, to ensure I make good on that deathbed theory and start putting my “family first” on a regular basis, I’m documenting some goals to strive towards moving forward (and this article will act as my public reminder to do better). I want to:

• Learn about and establish healthy boundaries at work that will not only protect myself but most importantly clears space for my family.
• Block time (non-working hours) that is dedicated to family as well as my own health on a daily basis and strive to not break that regularity (unless there is a work situation that cant be postponed till the next day).
• Practice the art of saying no (in a solution-based manner, of course).
• Schedule more vacations and 100% log off (no excuses) so that I experience, take in moments and create those meaningful ‘deathbed’ memories with my family.

Family comes first has a new meaning for me now and I’m glad that I could figure it out while my littles were still little. Now, it’s simply abiding by it and pushing future teammates/ employees to do the same and most importantly, doing it daily.

If anyone has additional suggestions, I would love to hear everyone’s strategies. To family.

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