Familiarity Can Breed Disrespect

One of the most important virtues we can express and practice is respect. I don’t have to tell you that we, as a culture, have a problem with that. We’re more likely to DISrespect someone than respect them. In trying to be relatable, we, because we’re humans and because we haven’t been taught the importance of boundaries, often, go too far.

I remember when my girls and I moved to California in 1991. We’d lived in the South, where EVERYONE showed respect in more ways than they did in California, for all of their respective lives. Nothing against Californios, per se, they were just brought up differently.

The first week we were there, my daughters, who were ten and six at the time, asked if they could go walk around the neighborhood to find any kids their ages to befriend. I gave them permission to do so.

An hour later they returned all excited because they had met Jim and Natalie next door! “Oh, good, Girls! I’m glad you’ve found some friends you can play with,” I commended them. “They’re too old to play with, Dad, but they’re very nice people,” was Tesa’s reply. “Too old? What do you mean?” “They’re adults, Dad.” “ADULTS? Jim and Natalie are ADULTS?” “Yes, Dad.” “So why are you calling them by their first names, if they’re adults? You know better than that. You should call them Mr Jim and Miss Natalie. That’s what we’ve taught you.” “Oh, it’s okay, Dad. We told them that, but they told us to call them Jim and Natalie, because we’re friends and neighbors.” I, immediately, walked next door, knocked on Mr Jim and Miss Natalie’s door. They WERE, in fact, very nice people. We, soon, grew to enjoy their company and friendship. I startled them a bit, though, when I told them that my girls would address them as MR Jim and MISS Natalie from now on. I explained to them that it was a form of respect to do so. They argued a little until they saw my Chief face, at which time they backed off. They always snickered when the girls addressed them, but not in a mean way. They were so cute! My girls, that is.

In my book, HEIRPOWER! Eight Basic Habits of Exceptionally Powerful Lieutenants!, I commend new leaders to not drink with the boys. In other words, make sure to keep the leader/follower relationship respectful. When I have discussions with young leaders, they always question my advice on that topic. Again, in an attempt to be relatable, people can easily, and DO, take it to the extreme and become disrespectful. If there’s a chain of command, practice the discipline of maintaining the relationship so that it doesn’t break down. The bottom line is that WE ARE NOT BUDS! We may be teammates and colleagues, even feel like family, but we are not buds!

I would NEVER even THINK of calling the person whom I’ve respected MOST in my life, my Dad, by his first name. NEVER! It would be disrespectful. (And he would probably have beat the crap out of me.) Nor would I do that to any other of my family members who are older.

Familiarity CAN breed disrespect. Maybe not intentionally, but if we want to be leaders, we have to be intentional about what we do and the language that we use. Our followers and peers are watching and, maybe even, learning.

We CAN be respectful and friendly. I’ve been doing that all my life. It’s possible. If this old guy can do it, YOU can do it! It just takes a little discipline.

Until next time, Be GREAT! You ARE!

?HEIRPOWER!

bob vásquez!