False Guilt

Truly I say, the high spots of Cannes are the AA meetings. ?

When the whole place is on def con 4 due?to the film festival or the Lions, the local AA posse have a meeting every?day. I rocked up last night and was delighted to run into a friend from Hong Kong and we had a catch up over coffee this a.m. ?

Put two addicts together and the first thing they’ll talk about is what’s going on in their heads. ?As we all share the same faulty wiring, we can help fix and maintain each others’ mental firewalls.? ?

Today we talked about the guilt trip no one asked for.. the reason why you're probably feeling guilty for all the wrong reasons.?You know, that nagging feeling that keeps you up at night wondering if you remembered to turn off the stove.? ?

I shared some stuff I’ve been going through of late, not the guilt you get from real screw-ups. I’m talking about false guilt —that special flavor of guilt you get for stuff you ‘should’ be doing. ? And let’s be honest, constantly 'shoulding' all over yourself is the guilt trip no one asked for. ?

It’s like a mild form of religious scrupulosity. That's when God’s watching and you’re panicking. Like?when you feel like you’re going straight to hell for that second cookie? Welcome to scrupulosity. This is where folks get so obsessed with sin, they start seeing it everywhere. Even in the cereal aisle. 1 John 3:20 puts it like this: "If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." Translation: Chill out. God’s got bigger fish to fry than your snack habits.? ?

Romans 8:1 adds: "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." So, if you’re spending more time worrying about sin than actually living your life, you’re missing the point.? ?

That’s not my problem. Rather some of the crap that steals my joy is a self imposed false guilt. This shoulda, woulda, coulda of modern life. This is the guilt you get for not living up to the Instagram influencer lifestyle. You know, like not having six-pack abs, or not grinding 24/7 to climb the greasy stripper pole of agency life.

Someone I caught at SXSW (before she turned commie) Brené Brown, the guru of guilt and shame, tells us that guilt focuses on behaviour ("I did something bad"), not identity ("I am bad"). So when I?skip that 5 a.m. workout or indulge in another eclair, it’s okay. I'm?not a terrible person; I'm?just human. ? ?

I can suffer from this especially if I’m in a high stress environment, like now. Given that I’m recovering from cancer I’ve been working on recognising and ditching the self imposed guilt trip. ?

Here’s my lowdown on kicking false guilt to the curb. First get woke to your guilt. Recognise when you’re feeling guilty for no good reason. Not every missed workout is a mortal sin. Now I try to focus on balance, not extremes. My faith tells me to trust that grace covers me. God’s forgiven me for all my sins: past, present and future. In life, I know that self-compassion beats self-flagellation every time.

I've always found that spiritual direction is your friend. Sometimes you need a pro to help you sort out your brain. Discipleship can work wonders. It's always easier to outsource your sanity.?

False guilt is like a bad app—draining your battery and giving nothing in return. So let’s delete it. Focus on what really matters, cut yourself some slack, and remember that life’s too short to sweat the small stuff. Now go ahead, enjoy that chocolate?guilt-free. ?

You’ve got better things to do!