FALLING INTO THE SAME BAD RELATIONSHIPS?

Do you have that friend who seems to keep getting into the wrong kind of relationship over and over again??

The same kind of partner again and again.?

Perhaps you ARE this person or you know this person.?

I know I used to sit there thinking how on earth am I here again? How am I left feeling this awful feeling and why do I keep attracting the same wolf in different skin??

The key thing most people get wrong is that you are looking at them as the problem, how do they keep finding me?

The only way to break the cycle is to do the opposite and look inwards.?

Our brains are bloomin clever little beasts and working away in the background is our subconscious. Our ‘Autopilot’. This takes care of all the little messages whirring away in our brain helping us get by that we can’t devote all our thought to.?

It operates using messages we picked up in our childhood: I am shy, I am not good enough, I am popular, I am rich etc. Obviously we can’t devote all our thinking to these beliefs so they tick away under the surface.?

When we hold beliefs that cause us some level of pain, I am not enough for example, then our subconscious brain will start trying to bring our awareness to it so we can work through it/overcome it and be free from it.?

Imagine this thought always running in your brain like a background program on a computer, you will be making every decision, saying every word, forming every thought with the belief that you are not enough. After all, your brain accepts this as fact if left unchallenged.?

Do you think someone who believes they aren’t good enough will study and push themselves, go for the promotion, dress to feel good? No they will hide, they self sabotage all to prove to themselves that their view of themselves and the world is correct.?

I bet you will have been presented with evidence that goes against your belief, but your brain won’t accept it or it will ignore it. I know blokes are especially poor at receiving compliments, because if the complement were true, then our belief in ourselves as not enough wouldn’t be and the brain (or Ego) can’t accept that.?

See we know where we are with our negative belief, we are unhappy but safe and our brain doesn’t know if we would be safe if the belief wasn’t true, so it avoids it.?

So when it comes to relationships and the repeated pattern of crappy ones, the same plays out. You will subconsciously seek people out you know will prove your view of yourself. If you believe your voice shouldn’t be heard you will subconsciously find a partner who doesn’t listen, if you believe you are bad looking you will find a partner who confirms this. It is a cruel way to do it but your mind is seeking these out to SHOW you, to wake you up, to say “look you are holding this painful belief and you need to work on it” it is the equivalent of a massive flashing red arrow saying pay attention to this.?

That is how we find ourselves and our real happiness, focus on what patterns appear in your life and what is triggering you. Your mind is always highlighting things because it wants you to slow down, look at it and let go.?

In order to let go you may want to enlist the help of a coach or mentor or therapist. You may be able to work through it on your own, however I would say it is incredibly difficult to see our issues from the inside and outside eyes work far better.?

Either way I would encourage you to look at what is present for you right now, what is triggering, what patterns are happening and what is my mind trying to bring my attention to? Keep doing this and happiness and freedom lay on the other side.?

As does finding a decent partner.?

I say all this as a man who has been through all of this and worked through it.?

Let me know how you get on.?

Cheers

Phil