'Falling off the horse' - 5 tips for rebuilding your confidence

When I was a child I adored horses and longed to learn to ride. After much badgering of my parents and saving of pocket money I got my wish and started riding lessons. A dream come true. Until I fell off.

It was always a possibility, some would say an inevitable part of learning, but at 8 years old I didn’t realise that. I was very shocked and though unhurt I refused to get back on the horse. The instructor kept telling me it was the best thing to do but I was adamant. It took me weeks to overcome my fear and although I did eventually return to my lessons and continued riding for four more years, I never felt completely relaxed on a horse again.

It is natural to feel anxious riding after a fall. Even a close call or seeing someone else fall off can affect your confidence. Our brains are wired to keep us safe, so experiencing or even witnessing a situation that is potentially harmful automatically sets off our inner warning system.

It’s easy to see how this translates to the multiple ‘falling off’ experiences in the rest of life. That unexpected set back, losing a client, losing a sale, not getting that job or promotion you were convinced was going to be yours. Redundancy. Relationship break ups. Family issues.

There are so many ‘falls’ that trigger fear and can lead to ongoing anxiety and loss of confidence. The ‘Get back on the horse quickly’ advice is good because it interrupts the process in your mind which is building association between ‘falling off the horse’ and feeling anxious. It takes a lot of courage though and requires you to go against the instinct that is trying to keep you safe.

If you don’t feel ready that’s ok. There are gentler ways to overcome anxiety and rebuild your confidence whatever the ‘fall’.

My Top Rebuilding Tips

?1.????Be kind to yourself

Your reaction to a negative experience is natural. Beating yourself up about feeling anxious will only make you feel worse. What would you say to support a friend in your situation? Treat yourself with the same kindness you would show to your best friend.

2.????Analyse what caused the ‘fall’.

Recognising the root of an experience helps you figure out what to do next. Take a step back and look at what happened from an objective point of view? How much of what happened was not under your control? Focus only on what YOU can do going forward. What could you do differently next time or what changes do you need to make to adjust to your new situation?

3.????Go back to basics

After a ‘fall’ you may have lost trust in your abilities and confidence in yourself. Take some time to rebuild. It’s ok to go back to basics and keep things simple. Recognise where your comfort zone is - what can you do without feeling anxiety? Then notice the point at which you start to feel a low level of anxiety. This is your learning zone. Practice here -work on letting go of tension and taking small steps forward until this level shifts and your learning zone begins to expand.

?4.????Imagine your outcome

Your imagination is incredibly powerful. So much so that your brain can’t tell the difference between a real and imagined event. Create a mind movie, a story in which you feel excited about ‘getting back on the horse’ and have a positive experience with a happy ending. A successful sale, getting a great new job, meeting someone new – your imagination can help in so many situations. Replay your mind movie over and over. This is the same kind of mental rehearsal that Olympic athletes use.

?5.????Get help

People are often embarrassed by their fears and ashamed of anxiety so hide their feelings and don’t seek help. Talking about your ’fall’ can be valuable providing it is in a supportive context with someone who will help you to move forward positively. In a professional situation you may already have a colleague, mentor or manager who you trust. Personally there may be a friend or family member who is discreet and a good listener. Depending on your situation it might be that a professional coach experienced in helping people rebuild their confidence would be the best resource.

There are a number of easy to learn mindset tools and techniques that can really speed up your recovery after a ‘fall’, reducing anxiety, rebuilding confidence and getting you to a place of positivity and excitement about ‘getting back on your horse’.

I only wish I’d known about them when I was eight!

If you would like to know more about rebuilding confidence please get in touch.

Jenni Hallam

The Mindset Designer